kind eyes and crooked smile,
the inner child that shows its face in the morning
how strange to have been strangers once
how strange to be strangers once again
Apr 5, 2021
Apr 5, 2021 at 9:29 PM UTC
thousands of light years away
on an island off the West coast of Venus
there is a cottage built of moonstone
with a stove that runs on stardust
and a violet retriever with antennas for ears
who roams the yard and barks into the void.
there is an ocean where our love runs deep,
so we bathe in the memories of our past lives
and ride the wave of our endless future.
we smoke moon cheese when the sunrises,
we drink from the milky way as the sunsets,
we collect the shooting stars that granted us all of our wishes
and put them on display in glass cabinets.
and though a version of us exists on Earth,
in a world of pandemic and isolation,
where the stoves run on gas and the dogs foam at the mouth,
where the oceans are tainted and the stars are out of reach,
it is enough to know that thousands of light years away,
there is a cottage on the West coast of Venus,
where you and I live in perfect harmony.
Aug 19, 2020
Aug 19, 2020 at 6:19 PM UTC
nothing about these moments feel fair,
time keeps passing and i fear that i am growing younger,
that i am becoming more childlike.
i feel small again, like i need to be held.
i tell myself i forgive you,
but i fear the resentment that threatens to surface,
and i'm terrified that it doesn't matter anyway.
i still love you. i don't know if i'll ever stop.
maybe you need me more now than ever,
because i need you, too.
but i fear this nostalgia only exists in my mind,
and i'm terrified that it doesn't matter anyway.
Jun 8, 2020
Jun 8, 2020 at 12:44 AM UTC
when the goodbyes are for good,
after months of caving into yourself,
sadness spilling out of yourself,
you begin to let go of the things that only ever almost existed -
but died before they could live outside of your mind:
the weekend getaway to new york city you almost booked,
the christmas lights on the roof we almost put up,
the 'i love you' that you almost meant.
you learn to let go of the potential happy endings:
throwing our caps up at the graduation we almost made it to,
the hidden trail we almost hiked,
the new year's eve kisses we exchanged for almost 4 years in a row.
but there are things that still swell beneath the surface -
every exhale threatening to spill the words i almost said,
every memory embedded in a cinematic masterpiece so beautiful that it can only be viewed through rose-coloured glasses.
so i lay them down here:
a graveyard for every almost,
a cemetery for every possibility,
a sanctuary for every end of the line disguised as a new beginning.
and i let them rest in peace.
i bring them flowers once a year,
daisies because they remind me of your smile.
i pay my respects and mourn the love that could have been.
i thank you for almost being the best thing that ever happened to me.
i thank you for the laughter that almost lasted forever.
i thank you for almost loving me without end.
Apr 24, 2020
Apr 24, 2020 at 9:49 PM UTC
confess to me your sins,
the blood you ran cold,
show me your scars
and i 'll love you tenfold.
bare me your soul,
let me tend to your pain,
lay down your weakness
i'll love you whole again.
Mar 20, 2020
Mar 20, 2020 at 11:26 PM UTC
last November, you said, "I'll always be here when you need me."
so thank you for staying gone.
Mar 6, 2020
Mar 6, 2020 at 12:13 AM UTC
there's something in the quiet about this town,
the vacancy after the sun goes down,
the trucks backed in to their wide driveways,
headlights fading into distant rays.
the only movement outside is the gentle fall of the snow,
and the darkness seems to have an odd sort of glow,
no sounds of children, music, or the roaring of a crowd,
but the absence of noise has never been so loud.
there's something about the quiet in this town,
that reminds me of how peaceful it was to have you around,
during that first snowstorm of the new year,
whispering truths of our greatest hopes and fears.
the grey in this sky like the hue of your eyes,
as familiar as the nose kisses you gave me goodbye.
you'd hate this place: too cold, too far, too much of nothing to do.
but something in the quiet of this town that reminds me of you.
Jan 28, 2020
Jan 28, 2020 at 11:37 PM UTC
he can't breathe in summer without smelling my perfume
those mid-july kisses always destined for doom
december comes around all too fast,
faced with blurry memories from our past
spring gives birth to a life that don't feel new,
*** the grass ain't greener, just a different hue
time apart from you don't seem to fly by
but when the Sun reaches its highest point in the sky
it somehow always brings him back to me,
hot and sticky nights with my baby
Jul 15, 2019
Jul 15, 2019 at 11:25 PM UTC
You have never been worthy of the love I gave to you -
I will love myself til I don't miss yours anymore.
Jan 2, 2019
Jan 2, 2019 at 1:45 PM UTC
loving you wasn't an innocent kind of love,
it was guilty and achy in a way that felt so good i couldn't even talk about it.
and when we finally decided it was time,
i lost my best friend.
i felt you forget me every evening before we became strangers
and i still wake up in tears in the middle of the night because in a dream, i remembered what it felt like when you held me
eventually, you become numb to the pain that is no longer constant
the feeling of nostalgia becomes muted by the louder sounds of life:
like the ringing alarm clock reminding you that you’ve still got a job to show up to,
like the radio announcer's voice telling you that we're expecting clear skies.
there are moments throughout the day when you forget to think about them, forget to stare at old pictures, forget to cry in bathroom at work
there are milestones that will take place and they won't show up;
like your graduation, or your brother's wedding
and you almost don't notice their absence.
almost.
you think you won't be able to go on without them,
but you do.
you find there are new songs stuck in your head, even if you never forget the lyrics to your old favourite one.
you learn to let go in small parts -
you hear his name and your body doesn't flinch,
you walk past the liquor aisle without thinking to pick up his favourite brand of whiskey.
and one day, without even realizing,
you notice how straight you stand without the weight of their world pushing down on your shoulders.
Nov 12, 2018
Nov 12, 2018 at 4:55 PM UTC