Broken body bound together by brittle rubber bands.
Little girl picks up the pieces and they crumble in her hand.
She puts the bits together of whatever's left whole that she can.
Compress the bits to make me stand.
Still standing,
only showing half of what I am.
May 25, 2021
May 25, 2021 at 9:21 PM UTC
I felt far away
in my own front yard,
because I saw the moon
and thought of Antarctica
and how it's supposed to be
the coldest and loneliest
place on Earth.
Yet, I couldn't burn the image
of your face from my mind
as I wondered if
I'd feel less alone in Antarctica,
than I was standing beside you.
You're the coldest and loneliest
place on Earth.
Feb 25, 2019
Feb 25, 2019 at 3:30 PM UTC
I fall in love with every person that I meet.
Jun 24, 2016
Jun 24, 2016 at 2:58 AM UTC
the heart beats whether we want it to or not.
it beats while we sleep,
while we cry.
it pounds while our fists do the same
against each others walls.
trying to break something down.
our hearts beat us til the day we die.
the rhythm is seemingly perpetual once you notice it
and only when our time is up does it stop.
when im with you
i know im alive.
my heart feels as though its going to beat
right out of my chest
and into your hands.
it seems as though thats its true home.
you hold what beats me most
so i beg you to be gentle, lest it breaks.
i know thats cliche but you see,
this beating that i take every day
is all i have to keep me going.
its all i have to remind me im alive
and when im with you
it flutters uncontrollably
and im left doubtless
that this isnt a dream
Jun 24, 2016
Jun 24, 2016 at 12:13 AM UTC
For the first time
In several months
I have felt an emotion
That isn't resent
For another human being.
I am thinking of one of
My truest friends.
One of my main confidants
In all of life's turmoils.
And this emotion is sad.
I am sad because she truly
Believes that her path is set,
That this is the only way.
She is self loathing and she is sad.
She is brave above all else
But she is also a coward.
I wish more then anything
For her safety
In these approaching times.
They will not be easy
For anyone.
Nov 16, 2015
Nov 16, 2015 at 4:21 PM UTC
If you still care
Don't ever let me know.
If you forgive me
For breaking your heart
And for leaving you behind
In that ****** town
Of addicts and death
Don't ever let me know.
I'm coming to visit
During the bitterest month
And if you see me
Don't say hello.
I'll never forgive myself.
I'll never let you know.
I'll always love you.
I'll never let you know.
I'll never let you know.
I'll never let you know.
Oct 27, 2015
Oct 27, 2015 at 3:22 PM UTC
I remember back, to the time when I was numb.
All the way back to one of the darkest times in my life,
I remember the face of the boy who shined through my darkness.
I remember the first person to make me feel again.
It was one of the most excruciating things I'd done... feeling again.
You were like the ocean, and I, a grain of sand.
It felt like you ripped me out of my comfortably miserable little beach
and swept me out into your sea and proceeded to drown me.
But you had no idea of the effect you had, you were just being the sea.
I remember the first time I met you, my gaze swept right past.
And then you spoke.
You made me laugh, and it hurt to laugh but it felt so right.
Even on my darkest days, you'd be there to make sure I could smile again.
You'd always do everything you could to pull me out of my pit.
You became my best friend and I fell so hard, oh how I fell.
That's what hurt.
I wasn't allowed to love you as I'd wanted to.
You had your girlfriend and she was so sick and she needed you.
I watched you, dying to make her better.
You didn't sleep. You barely ate.
I noticed the etches on your wrist and my heart shattered.
There was nothing I could do for the boy I loved.
I wish there had been something I could have done for you and for her.
It's been years since I last saw you.
I still think about you all the time.
I don't think I could ever forget you.
The one I couldn't have.
The one I should've had.
We would have been so good.
It's funny..
I know you loved me too.
Mar 20, 2015
Mar 20, 2015 at 1:46 AM UTC
Sometimes I get one of those nostalgic feelings rush through me whenever I get a whiff of fresh plaster or spackle. It reminds me of all those times my dad would have to patch up another hole in one of the walls. At one point he would only do it once a week. When you know that there’ll just be more the next day, why not wait a while and fix them all at the same time? Eventually he stopped fixing them altogether. I used to think it meant it was okay and that when I got angry enough I could just put a hole in the wall too and add to the collection of broken bits of my family. When my parents discovered the accumulation of chasms in my wall, my dad made me learn how to fix them because I was not allowed to react the same way as my brother. Needless to say, I rarely put my hand or foot through the walls after the first 2 times I had to fix them. I wish there was some way they could have managed to get my brother to fix the voids he’d created. Perhaps, he’d have learned how much the damage you inflict can affect those around you. I know I certainly did.
Mar 2, 2015
Mar 2, 2015 at 12:09 AM UTC
I remember hiding under an old cherry wood dining table. I remember holding my baby sister, shielding her eyes, covering her and trying to tuck her away. Pulling her as close to me as possible, like I might be able to fold her skin into mine so she wouldn’t have to see what was happening around us. I can still hear her crying into my bony 7 year old shoulder and whaling amongst the chaos with the bitty 4 year old voice that she had at the time. I remember the heart stopping feeling of watching my mother get thrown into the wall and watching my brother, 11 years older than myself, hurtle the beautiful antique silver coffee *** that my grandmother left us- into the space near her head where it bludgeoned the wall. I remember barely being taller than the table myself and pulling my sister out when I saw a chance for us to escape the scene and run into another room. I remember turning around and seeing my older sister, who was 10 at that time, running up and hitting and kicking my brother and getting shoved to the side. I’ve grown accustomed to the headaches I now get at the sight of flashing police lights.
Mar 2, 2015
Mar 2, 2015 at 12:02 AM UTC
Today would have been a year for us.
After we parted
I asked you
if you would remember.
You had no idea what day it would be.
It never mattered to you
because every day we were together
was just as important.
It still bothered me though
because a year is a long time.
We didn't make it to here
because I had to go.
I still love you.
Happy would be one year.
Oct 20, 2014
Oct 20, 2014 at 1:42 PM UTC