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products-of-insomnia
products-of-insomnia
I'm a fictional character in a non-fictional world. / loracerdan.tumblr.com
She knew she was different right before they pointed out her flaws, her imperfections She knew she was not, in any way, quite like the others And she was proud of it The moment she hatched summer was at the tip of her tongue She always knew her wings would grow Before the flowers even begin to blossom Before the sun rises in the east She knew she would take the skies command the winds of change She grew up thinking her past is her future and that she is as she was before: A self-proclaimed history repeating itself A monster hovering above the world instilling terror into the hearts of men But greater forces are at work And life wasn't all that fair She was beautiful and he was curious She was a goddess and he was a child With a wave of his innocent hand He had her In his hands rests the life and death of a queen She could feel her wings And her heart, breaking making crunchy noises as they crumble She cries, he smiles In her three hundred sixty degree perspective she saw ****** written across his lips And in that moment she knew she wasn't what she thought she was The first time she flew was also the last time she touched the ground Who knew she'd be buried underneath it? -L.C.
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May 10, 2018
May 10, 2018 at 7:05 AM UTC
Dragonfly
I want to be your favorite book I want you to write on my pages and underline the passages you loved the most. I want to be that song you listen to when you’re angry and just wanting to calm down. I want to be that show you can’t stop watching and can’t stop talking about with your friends. I want to be those long walks at the beach where you love watching 44 sunsets. I want to be your favorite mixed drink that you can’t get enough of. I want to be the bad hangovers that you don’t regret having. I want to be the pain that’s worth it. I want to be your newly washed sheets that you bury your face in. I want to be your crazy Friday nights but also your lazy Sunday afternoons. I want to be your favorite liar, your favorite scar. That one wound you wouldn’t want to heal. I want to be that loud music you always dance to. I want to be the words that you mean to say when you say them. I want to be your bitter coffee in the mornings. I want to be the one to wake you up and make sure you’re ready to face life again. I want to be your favorite love story that you keep telling yourself. I want to be your cozy rainy days and lonely summer nights. I want to be all the times you said yes to something you never tried before. I want to be your nervous laughter, your crooked smile. I want to be the corny puns you tell. I want to be your favorite film. I want to be that urge that’ll make you want to make a film or write a poem or skydive. I want to be your guiding light and your comfortable darkness. I want to be your hope, your sorrows, your bad dreams, your goals, your nightmares, your fight, your heartbreaks, your hate, your love, the things that make you and break you. I want to make you so happy, you’d forget you were ever sad.
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May 8, 2018
May 8, 2018 at 10:28 PM UTC
everything, everything
I want to be your favorite book I want you to write on my pages and underline the passages you loved the most. I want to be that song you listen to when you’re angry and just wanting to calm down. I want to be that show you can’t stop watching and can’t stop talking about with your friends. I want to be those long walks at the beach where you love watching 44 sunsets. I want to be your favorite mixed drink that you can’t get enough of. I want to be the bad hangovers that you don’t regret having. I want to be the pain that’s worth it. I want to be your newly washed sheets that you bury your face in. I want to be your crazy Friday nights but also your lazy Sunday afternoons. I want to be your favorite liar, your favorite scar. That one wound you wouldn’t want to heal. I want to be that loud music you always dance to. I want to be the words that you mean to say when you say them. I want to be your bitter coffee in the mornings. I want to be the one to wake you up and make sure you’re ready to face life again. I want to be your favorite love story that you keep telling yourself. I want to be your cozy rainy days and lonely summer nights. I want to be all the times you said yes to something you never tried before. I want to be your nervous laughter, your crooked smile. I want to be the corny puns you tell. I want to be your favorite film. I want to be that urge that’ll make you want to make a film or write a poem or skydive. I want to be your guiding light and your comfortable darkness. I want to be your hope, your sorrows, your bad dreams, your goals, your nightmares, your fight, your heartbreaks, your hate, your love, the things that make you and break you. I want to make you so happy, you’d forget you were ever sad.
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47
Maybe I'm just really tired, I don't know. But the moment I laid eyes on the night sky tonight made me realize that you are not the center of my galaxy. There's a vast universe I have yet to see and you're just a microscopic dust in the heart of space and time. It's weird how I've let you ruin my entire world but see, I'm rebuilding and pretty soon I'll be a planet again with my own moons orbiting me and everything. I won't stay here floating in the abyss forever waiting for chances that will not come. This time, I'll be my own big bang. This time, I'll be my own creation. I am my own universe.
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Jan 9, 2016
Jan 9, 2016 at 2:03 PM UTC
Pluto
We spent our last day together laughing at cat videos on the internet hoping that our laughter would silence our silent screams hoping that we'd both believe that we're crying because we laughed so hard and not because of the reason neither of us want to acknowledge We spent our last day together exchanging favorite books both of us secretly hoping that the pages would translate how we really feel about each other We spent our last day together playing a spirited game of scrabble hoping that we get the right letters to perfectly spell the words we have always wanted to say but couldn't We spent our last day together playing truth or dare but we stopped midway because we both know we're too honest and too daring for such a childish game We spent our last day together sitting on a park bench watching different people guessing their life stories   we both stared in wonder at the falling leaves of autumn that seemed to signify an end of an era the end of an ending We spent our last day together at that coffee shop where we first met ordering the same coffee; exactly like how we got into talking the first time we laughed in awe of the deja vu we just experienced leaving the barista confused and thinking we're crazy We spent our last day together back to that place you hate so much You didn't want to end things there and neither do I but we promised we'd be back by six We spent our last day together listening to the clock tick by and the machines hum they sounded like some sick orchestra I made a joke about it but you didn't laugh instead you kept looking out the window and you never looked at me since   You spent our last day together sleeping and just like that you never woke up I spend our last day together watching cat videos by myself without laughing reading the book you gave me over and over and over again playing scrabble  and losing to myself trying truth or dare but i just play dare because I just couldn't handle the truth I spend our last day together watching people out in the park who  probably don't give two ***** about my life story I spend our last day together always leaving the barista confused about why i keep coming back ordering two cups of  the same kind of coffee and then leaving the other one untouched when I leave I spend our last day together every single day because i could never have a last day with you until the day i sleep and never wake up just like you
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Mar 11, 2015
Mar 11, 2015 at 10:50 AM UTC
Last Days
We spent our last day together laughing at cat videos on the internet hoping that our laughter would silence our silent screams hoping that we'd both believe that we're crying because we laughed so hard and not because of the reason neither of us want to acknowledge We spent our last day together exchanging favorite books both of us secretly hoping that the pages would translate how we really feel about each other We spent our last day together playing a spirited game of scrabble hoping that we get the right letters to perfectly spell the words we have always wanted to say but couldn't We spent our last day together playing truth or dare but we stopped midway because we both know we're too honest and too daring for such a childish game We spent our last day together sitting on a park bench watching different people guessing their life stories   we both stared in wonder at the falling leaves of autumn that seemed to signify an end of an era the end of an ending We spent our last day together at that coffee shop where we first met ordering the same coffee; exactly like how we got into talking the first time we laughed in awe of the deja vu we just experienced leaving the barista confused and thinking we're crazy We spent our last day together back to that place you hate so much You didn't want to end things there and neither do I but we promised we'd be back by six We spent our last day together listening to the clock tick by and the machines hum they sounded like some sick orchestra I made a joke about it but you didn't laugh instead you kept looking out the window and you never looked at me since   You spent our last day together sleeping and just like that you never woke up I spend our last day together watching cat videos by myself without laughing reading the book you gave me over and over and over again playing scrabble  and losing to myself trying truth or dare but i just play dare because I just couldn't handle the truth I spend our last day together watching people out in the park who  probably don't give two ***** about my life story I spend our last day together always leaving the barista confused about why i keep coming back ordering two cups of  the same kind of coffee and then leaving the other one untouched when I leave I spend our last day together every single day because i could never have a last day with you until the day i sleep and never wake up just like you
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71
You're only here because it's cold and you've got ice in your veins and the sun sets in your heart an hour early You asked me to draw skull tattoos on your arm So you'd appear tougher than you are But those skulls are drawn in pen They're temporary like your promises And when you go home at night the icebergs will go back the way they came sink your ships and drown you in pain No one is going to save you because you drowned the lifeguard too
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Mar 10, 2015
Mar 10, 2015 at 5:18 PM UTC
Titanic
I feel I have lost something I didn't have in the first place when you left,  I tried to catch  sun rays but all I have in my hands now are dust mites and remnants of our old arguments my palms are full of words I wished I told you, full of truths that I wish you knew my mind is full of cobwebs and replays of old memories that you should've taken with you even the sun retires to slumber the darkness is innate and it’s lying beside me now, in the space where you used to sing me to sleep staining our white sheets with a color darker than black I can still hear your uninteresting stories about how your day went, I can’t even remember any of your words, i just know that I love listening to your voice even when you’re not talking I shivered at that thought, the cold reached my veins and left my blood frozen, stagnant, dead. I told my lungs to stop breathing in so deeply because inhaling your scent won't bring back your warmth I can feel my brain is about to shut down slowly deleting all the traces of you like a computer virus your absence is a disease and it grew cancerous flowers in my heart my body is refusing to live because it knows it has lost all reasons to exist when I woke up this morning there was a hole in my chest and  nothing hurts anymore
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Feb 24, 2015
Feb 24, 2015 at 7:26 PM UTC
The Midnight After
Patiently waiting as the day turns to rust Your caged thoughts and tied ideas Resting upon your shelf collecting dust Filling your pocket with straight faced bias Your tongue tied mouth speaks so clearly As your cross-fingered hand made a vow You sounded a lot like loyalty You managed to act it out somehow I stood beside you, not like the rest You were above me, you are always the best Unpredictable lies, now they don't matter You cut the string now I'll pull the trigger Undefined words and speechless talks Muted screams and endless dead end roads Shadows lurking above me I can see How does it feel to be like me? Malice filled judgments, manipulated cares While the walls crumbled, you stood and stared Time does not run on batteries, it dies and stops You can't keep everything, not even your laughs Scream it not, hush and shush my dear They can smell the stench of fear It will make you suffer till it is death you'd propose Then, I'll worship the ground that awaits your corpse
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Jan 28, 2015
Jan 28, 2015 at 4:56 PM UTC
Cerberus
We are living in an self-obsessed, self-serving nation With citizens who only care about their own salvation Is this what our heroes lost their lives for? To see this nation crumble from wall to wall? We have the freedom to choose but do we use it well? We keep electing leaders who use lies to buy and sell The system flawed founded on fallacy They monopolize, advertise democracy and yet our voices remain unheard It's absurd, word for word how we're lead by cheats and drug lords I'm sick of seeing yellow people wearing blindfolds on their eyes reading yellow newspapers believing yellow lies Are you sure you're still thinking? Maybe you're just one of them believing the fairy tales they show us on TV They profit from our own stupidity conformity is what binds us to these chains We have to recognize the fact that only one family reigns We need to change lanes, start using our brains and get rid of the ******* chains! They're burning us slowly at the stake Our lives they're prepared to take This system was not built to defend us but to rule us, brainwash and control us So open your eyes and revolutionize Assert your position, your freedom utilize! Go forth and march at the gates Fueled by fire, justice and rage This generation should not take their **** Stand against the norm and defy it I'm sick of seeing yellow people wearing blindfolds on their eyes reading yellow newspapers believing yellow lies They won't let you go, They'll keep you in line Because you let them **** you in the mind They won't let you go, They'll keep you in line Unless you stand up and open your mind They won't let you win, They'll keep trapped Because you keep taking their crap They won't let you go, They'll keep you in line Unless you stand up and open your mind
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Jan 26, 2015
Jan 26, 2015 at 4:49 AM UTC
STRAIGHT PATH TO HELL
We are living in an self-obsessed, self-serving nation With citizens who only care about their own salvation Is this what our heroes lost their lives for? To see this nation crumble from wall to wall? We have the freedom to choose but do we use it well? We keep electing leaders who use lies to buy and sell The system flawed founded on fallacy They monopolize, advertise democracy and yet our voices remain unheard It's absurd, word for word how we're lead by cheats and drug lords I'm sick of seeing yellow people wearing blindfolds on their eyes reading yellow newspapers believing yellow lies Are you sure you're still thinking? Maybe you're just one of them believing the fairy tales they show us on TV They profit from our own stupidity conformity is what binds us to these chains We have to recognize the fact that only one family reigns We need to change lanes, start using our brains and get rid of the ******* chains! They're burning us slowly at the stake Our lives they're prepared to take This system was not built to defend us but to rule us, brainwash and control us So open your eyes and revolutionize Assert your position, your freedom utilize! Go forth and march at the gates Fueled by fire, justice and rage This generation should not take their **** Stand against the norm and defy it I'm sick of seeing yellow people wearing blindfolds on their eyes reading yellow newspapers believing yellow lies They won't let you go, They'll keep you in line Because you let them **** you in the mind They won't let you go, They'll keep you in line Unless you stand up and open your mind They won't let you win, They'll keep trapped Because you keep taking their crap They won't let you go, They'll keep you in line Unless you stand up and open your mind
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45
Tonight the lights are on and the night is surprisingly warm and despite the joy, the smiles and the merriment The thought of tomorrow still makes me cringe Like how the Grinch hates Christmas I hate how the season always reminds me of what's left, what's missing and what has changed And how lonely it is to be a skeptic when everyone else believes how awful it is to know that all of us are pretending so no one will know how the dark clouds are consuming us and no amount of presents or kisses or hugs is ever going to fill that void and despite the Christmas sweaters we still feel cold despite the smiles we still feel like frauds with our hearts growing molds
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Dec 25, 2014
Dec 25, 2014 at 7:10 AM UTC
Happy? Holidays
You said I need to stop pretending like nothing hurts me To which I replied, I was never an actor and I never pretend. You sighed with that extra exhausted breath And it sounded like you're giving up on me Then I realized you’re about to   You said I need to stop wearing my anger like an armor of steel , And my love like a wall of bricks because the stronger the steel and the taller the walls, the more people get hurt I put fences and traps around my heart so no one will ever touch it Then I saw you desperately hide your bruises, your raw scars and the evidence that you tried The spaces between your fingers I cannot fill anymore because my hands are nothing but angry fists I can’t unfurl The story of us is nothing but an urban legend that refuses to die Instead of the fairy tale with a happy ending that you wanted I let myself become the villain for too long, I forgot to be your hero
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Dec 18, 2014
Dec 18, 2014 at 9:50 PM UTC
Villain