How dare you make such an impression on my mind
When before you were merely a blimp in the back that I hardly noticed
Now you’re an all-consuming thought that I can’t seem to ignore
And these images of you gnaw at my very core
Complicated.
It’s cliché but that’s what it is
What it was
I walked out that kitchen wanting, yearning, to tell you so much more
But a simple goodbye was all I could muster
Unsaid.
I suppose there was a lot unsaid between us
Trust me; your flirtations did not go by unheard
In fact they made waiting tables even less of a chore
And even though indifference is a trait that I feign
Your sweet words and playful pokes
Made me blush behind closed doors
I’m not ashamed to admit
I wish you would reserve those black eyes solely for me
And I would sometimes peer over the line to watch you
Scrap away at the grill, partly wondering what it would be like
To feel those same arms wrapped around me and to hear your deep voice
Brush over the nape of my neck
Or what it would feel like to have your hands
Clutching the back of my head
I so wanted to push at your sleeve and trace my fingers
Over your tattoos, pressing you to tell me their significance and importance
Why you would choose to ink these things onto your skin
But such intimate scenes of you I fear will only exist in my imagination
You mentioned we were different, very different indeed
Our backgrounds and life experiences are on opposite ends of the spectrum
And I fail to see what a single dad could offer a post-college grad
Most perplexing of all is that my heart really does reside with another
“I saw you have a boyfriend, does that mean I’m out of the picture?”
In all sound theory, yes it does
Unfortunately. Maybe. I’m not entirely sure.
But for now I assure you
These thoughts of us that rest within my head
Are best left unsaid.
Jan 4, 2016
Jan 4, 2016 at 1:39 AM UTC
“You’re perfect”
“Perfect? I’m not perfect I have my flaws like everyone else”
“Even your flaws are perfect”
Such a heavy word, I suppose this flattery should make me grin like a school girl
But honestly it’s kind of terrifying
You’re placing me on such a high pedestal and I’m scared that one day I’ll fall off
I’m terrified that eventually you’ll wake up and glance over at my face
And you won’t see this perfect angel anymore
Only a boring routine in need of some serious changing.
Jan 2, 2016
Jan 2, 2016 at 1:54 AM UTC
Not Sure.
I guess that’s how I would describe us
How I would describe my stance with you
Are we a we? Is there an us?
I feel like there could be
Should be, you see
I feel pretty natural around you
“I’ve never been with a girl I can just be myself around,”
Well what’s holding us back?
Let’s dive into this thing head on
Oh but…but…
There are a lot of “buts” between us
But we don’t live in the same city
But you’re afraid and nervous of commitment
But you lose interest in women easily
But it’s just not a good time in our lives
“I want to be your boyfriend but,”
It sometimes feels as if my happiness with you is on the other side
Of a tightrope I’m struggling to keep balance on
Or more specifically it’s the distance between San Antonio and Austin on 35
And I hope I’m not dodging all those 18-wheelers for you
Only to get dumped in the end
But
I also know that happiness with you is as simple as eating Blue Bell
On a lazy Tuesday afternoon in your bed
Or teasing you in the soda aisle of HEB for your
Single-guy gamer-esque love of Mountain Dew
Happiness with you is as simple as laying my head on your chest
In the middle of Zilker Park with stars and Downtown Austin in the background
Or playing Smash Brothers in your living room
Happiness with you is even as simple as hearing your hearty laughter
It’s more contagious than you probably realize
I just keep thinking it feels so right
Whatever this is between me and you
But relationships are a risk, no matter how they’re pursued
Maybe this is for real, but it could just be temporary
I don’t really care quite honestly
I just want to soak up every moment with you
Oct 26, 2015
Oct 26, 2015 at 4:05 AM UTC
You are a fleeting moment for me
For you see, I know how the pace of whirlwind romance flows
We tug and push and pull and grind
Sop up that exciting newness of freshly
Daunting skin and glances
Thirsty to drink what we feel is unknown
Thriving to delve into the sheets of a
Mysterious lover whose past we hope they unfold
But after the initial surprises die down
Surely a new conquest will be on the rebound
So I won’t mold you into something you’re not
Let’s enjoy the ride and this hasty lustful high
Jul 29, 2015
Jul 29, 2015 at 11:20 PM UTC
At work today I saw a young couple
That reminded me of a time
When we were a we
The girl was cute and chubby
With a sweet face and soft glance
Not unlike me
The guy was slim and gawky
With glasses hanging off the bridge of his nose
He probably held a plethora of knowledge
And a few good nerdy facts to boot
Not unlike you
I wondered about the two of them
How they met, whether they were officially dating
Or just on a first date
I wondered how they felt about each other
If she was brimming with hope for him
Not unlike how I was with you
I wondered if he felt a deep attraction to her
If he wanted to discover her more
I wonder if they were meant to fall in love
And live their happy ever after
Surrounded by their children whom they would adore
And yet I wondered if there was another girl
That continuously burrowed a hole into his soul
She had such a firm grip on his heart
That this boy knew she would never be able to replace
Not unlike how I was to you
Jul 16, 2015
Jul 16, 2015 at 12:36 AM UTC
To you,
Dear friend,
My sweetest taboo,
That once in a lifetime,
Perfectly sculpted masculine muse.
Jun 25, 2015
Jun 25, 2015 at 11:11 PM UTC
“Sometimes I feel like I’ll just float away”
Such words have never resonated
So well with my mortal being
I am alive but I feel no peace
I am here but I feel elsewhere
Like there’s no space carved out for
Someone like me
No true home or foretold destiny
My blood is stagnant and stale
Never boiling or anticipating
Or shivering in lust and fear
These bones could very well turn to ash
And disintegrate into the earth’s cold soil
Perhaps then
I could reconcile and feel whole
Once again
Perhaps then
I could appease my anxiousness within
Jun 16, 2015
Jun 16, 2015 at 12:22 AM UTC
Did you ever really see me
Did you ever look past the fence
I know I build one around me but for you
I unhinged the lock and let you advance
Did you size me up in a passing glance
Did you throw me to the wayside when you found
The opportune chance
Did you check my resume and see a lack of
Creative projects and weathered portfolios
Did you dismiss my non-fine arts degree
Surely a history major like me
Had no flashy spark similar
To your friends and artsy possy
“I’m just a passionate person”
I recall being your excuse
As to why our failed romance
Had to cease on cue
Well sit down and listen up buddy
I’m here to share a few thoughts
You see writers like me
Don’t paint pretty pictures
Music doesn’t come from our fingertips and lips
We don’t work on logos
And I don’t have much of an eye for design
But my passion is displayed
When I take out my heart and dissect it
For the very words that bleed out of
My spiritual and emotional core
I can be a creative god as well
And sit upon your intellectual throne
So make way for this writer’s words that form
This little lady’s inner combat zone
Jun 13, 2015
Jun 13, 2015 at 8:44 PM UTC
I know you
do not think of me
in these similar ways
your mind is without a doubt
caught up on some trivial schemes
or some other passion
or long yearned for dreams
and when you lay that
muddled mind to rest for the night
thoughts of me I doubt come alive
But when when my pillow case
roughly brushes my cheek
those slender fingers of yours
I secretly seek
to kiss the inner creases
of your busy palms
to rub those scraggly hairs
that grow from your chin
your almost-not-quite unibrow
once greatly bothered me so
but to place my lips on it
once again
I could not ask for more
yes that smacking of yours
was such an eyesore
and yet to hear you ramble on
about this-or-that
is what my life now surely lacks
Before you write me off
as some lovestruck fool
I am aware there were some details
of us not exactly fine tuned
but I would be ****** if I
do not admit
I miss those whole qualities
the very essence of life
that sprung from you
and reverberated into
the deepest pits of my soul
May 30, 2015
May 30, 2015 at 2:12 PM UTC
When did I become such a dead, useless thing
Alive and walking
Although as usual, hardly talking
This emptiness in the very pit of my
Stomach
Is spreading to every fiber of my inner core
I can remember the days of feeling full, feeling
Wanted
Smiles and cheers, even through adolescent fears
I was a stable, normal, wholesome being
But now it seems I’ve just whittled away
Any positive meaningful aspect of this life
Where’s the restart button?
Let me play this level over again
The options I did not pick were surely better
May 27, 2015
May 27, 2015 at 11:51 PM UTC