you're trying to figure out
whether she's really
wearing Gucci,
or if it's a fake bag.
I'm trying to figure out
whether that look
in her eyes is grief
or another sadness
that I have not yet
learned to understand.
you're judging her
because her teeth
aren't perfectly straight.
I'm judging her
based off of the words
that come out from
behind those teeth.
you're hating on her
because she doesn't
wear her makeup like
the rest of these girls do.
I'm loving her because
she has the courage
to stand out, and the
self-respect to not care
if you don't like it.
you're studying her looks,
but I'm focused on her soul.
that's what makes us different.
May 12, 2021
May 12, 2021 at 4:26 PM UTC
I say that I am uncomfortable
being around a strange man.
they call me a ***** and say,
"don't you know that it's not all men?"
I am drugged and assaulted by
a man who I thought that
I could trust. they say,
"you should've known better."
they say that my scars are ugly.
they say "you should hide those!"
but when I cover them up, they say
"women shouldn't have tattoos.
why did you ruin your body?"
I wear shorts and they say,
"what a ***** those are too short."
I put on long jeans and they say,
"what a ***** you're no fun."
I care too much about
their opinions and they say,
"you're too insecure! stop caring!"
I stop caring and they hate that
they can no longer control me.
you can't win, darling.
they will always hate you
for one thing or another.
at least let them hate you
for being too real.
be you.
life is too short
to fake being
anyone else.
May 12, 2021
May 12, 2021 at 4:17 PM UTC
you lost someone real.
you lost a genuine, good friend
who would've done anything
to make you happy.
I only lost someone
who never gave a ****
about me or my happiness.
think about this
and then tell me again
who was truly hurt by
the end of our friendship.
we both may have hurt,
but you're the only one
who lost something here.
I won.
May 7, 2021
May 7, 2021 at 12:43 PM UTC
every five to seven years,
the human body is able to
develop an entirely new
set of taste buds.
every seven to ten years,
the human body is able to
replace every single skin cell
with a completely new one.
this means that one day,
not too far away from now,
I will have a body that
your fingers never touched
and a mouth that never
tasted the bittersweet lies
resting on your bottom lip.
one day, not too far from today,
the feeling of your fingerprints
will no longer linger on my skin.
the photos of you will no longer
make my skin crawl, and
tears of shame and regret
will no longer form in the
corners of my eyes.
my body will be mine again,
and you will have no control
over any part of me.
my brain will be full
of only my thoughts,
and not the thoughts that
you trained me to think.
my skin will be touched
only by those who I trust,
and you will never be
granted that ability.
I will reclaim my power
and my sense of self
and one day, when I hear it,
your name will mean nothing.
you will mean nothing.
I will be myself again.
totally, unapologetically myself.
isn't that comforting?
May 7, 2021
May 7, 2021 at 12:37 PM UTC
my intrusive thoughts tell me
that I'll never be good enough.
but I have so many people
who love me, and who show it,
so clearly that isn't true.
I am more than enough
to be loved by those around me.
now, all I need to do
is love myself too.
I'm working on it.
May 1, 2021
May 1, 2021 at 2:06 AM UTC
I keep telling everyone
how beautiful they are
and how much they matter
and how much I love them.
I spend all day motivating
the people around me.
I say such encouraging things,
and I mean every word,
but why can't I say
the same things to myself?
Apr 26, 2021
Apr 26, 2021 at 1:38 AM UTC
the other day, I went on a date.
it didn't go well at all.
he made some sexist comment
about how we wouldn't work if I
made more money than he did.
he told me that I'm smart,
but then added "for a woman."
I paid for myself, and then I left.
I guess that's not a good thing,
but I'm happy about it
because there was a time when
I wouldn't have realized that
I deserve better.
Apr 24, 2021
Apr 24, 2021 at 7:06 PM UTC
I used to want to **** myself,
so I did. I killed myself.
but not in the way that
you're thinking.
I killed the old me.
I murdered her bad habits
and tore apart her self-hatred.
I cut off her toxic "friends"
and blocked most of the
contacts in her old phone.
I kidnapped her and took
her on a relaxing vacation.
I taught her a lesson on how
she deserved to be treated.
I gifted her with new clothes
and some therapy sessions
and a newfound sense
of long overdue self-respect.
I took every part of who she was
and every single detail that she
hated about herself, and I
squashed those feelings
with my bare hands.
I killed myself
without taking my own life
and a confident, loving,
unbelievably beautiful woman
rose from her ashes.
Apr 24, 2021
Apr 24, 2021 at 6:51 PM UTC
oh honey, I hear you.
I hear those cruel words
you whisper to yourself.
I can hear them even when
you are silent because
I used to whisper them
to myself too.
I used to think that
no one heard me either.
now, I'm here
to tell you that
you're not ugly.
not even close.
it's just that when you
hear something enough,
you start to believe it.
you cannot erase the
memories of the mean words
that were once said about you.
the sad truth is that they
might always remain
stuck on a repeating loop
in the back of your mind.
you might never be able to
silence them. I haven't yet.
but what you can do
is drown out their noise.
what you can do
is yell louder.
honey,
go look in the mirror
and tell yourself
"I am beautiful."
and then say it again,
and again, and again.
say it louder
and LOUDER
and L O U D E R.
"I am beautiful."
"I am beautiful."
"I AM BEAUTIFUL."
you might never be able
to forget those cruel thoughts,
but what you can do
is remind yourself
that they are only lies.
you are beautiful,
even if you can't see it yet.
especially if you can't see it yet.
Apr 24, 2021
Apr 24, 2021 at 6:40 PM UTC
your last text to me
wasn't anything special.
"Mcdonald's or Burger King?"
that's all you said.
I thought that maybe
it would be easier because
we didn't have any amazing,
memorable last conversation.
I thought that maybe
it being so normal
would be good,
but it's not.
it's not good
because your last words
were in the form of a question.
a silly question, yes,
but a question nonetheless.
"Mcdonald's or Burger King?"
you asked me
and I didn't respond in time
and now the weight of
everything that I could've said
is forever on my shoulders.
"McDonald's or Burger King?"
you asked me
and I didn't respond in time
and now whenever I drive past
either of those billion locations,
I think of you
and all of the things that
we left unsaid.
"Mcdonald's or Burger King?"
you asked me
and then you died,
and you left me
with no more time
and no right answers.
Apr 24, 2021
Apr 24, 2021 at 5:53 PM UTC