I unravelled my thoughts on a public page.
I type this, sitting in my living room,
thousands of miles from where I was born,
in the middle of a work day,
avoiding responsibilities.
I suppose not much has changed.
And yet
There's a dreaming dog at my feet.
The table is decorated with dried flowers,
and under it, a tablecloth I spent too much on.
A tablecloth we spent too much on.
Happiness in the mundane -- is this what that is?
Nov 20, 2023
Nov 20, 2023 at 10:16 AM UTC
my mind has been an empty chasm of forgotten words
i was a writer who can no longer write
a storyteller with no stories to tell
an artist with dried up paint and a broken easel
but
i forget that
i am also a person
a broken, timid person
once whole, once sure, once loved,
once
me.
Oct 26, 2017
Oct 26, 2017 at 4:48 AM UTC
sometimes,
I can feel the blood running
through my veins and
it scares me
to be alive.
Jun 30, 2016
Jun 30, 2016 at 12:56 AM UTC
*so i let my guard down
and i did.*
"let me make you happy"
*but there was pain
and it became all i knew.*
"i love you"
*but you hit me
and i didn't understand why.*
"i won't hurt you"
*liar.
liar liar liar.*
"you wanted it"
*did i really?
i believed you.*
"you could have said no"
*but i did,
you just never listened.*
Jun 28, 2016
Jun 28, 2016 at 11:12 AM UTC
i can no longer distinguish pain from pleasure;
abuse from affection; contusions from caresses.
embraces could be delivered in tightly-clenched fists;
words of affirmation in abasement; trust in forced hands.
i can't tell the difference between love and hurt;
dark bruises and soft kisses; belittlement and support.
all i am familiar with now is the aftermath -
the tears, the marks, the aches;
hot showers soothing stinging skin, shaky knees and trembling hands;
the nauseating guilt; encapsulating, overwhelming fear
and the sickening inability to just walk away.
Jun 28, 2016
Jun 28, 2016 at 1:25 AM UTC
i'm not sure how-
how to break this cycle
the constant pounding in my head
the incessant whispers
the persistent hurt
the frustrating reiteration
each one more needless
fall after fall after f
a
l
l
Mar 14, 2016
Mar 14, 2016 at 2:43 PM UTC
it is midnight and
i am plagued by thoughts of you.
why won't you come home?
Apr 28, 2015
Apr 28, 2015 at 12:01 PM UTC
you are every midnight shot I should not have threw down my throat,
every syllable I should not have stammered out beneath
shy gazes and lowered eyelashes and chewed bottom lips.
you are every (in)coherent verse I could not keep
my shaky grip from messily scrawling across any blank page;
you are in every frustrated sigh,
every agitated run of fingers through messy hair,
every tear at 2am.
Apr 27, 2015
Apr 27, 2015 at 12:18 PM UTC
you were a whirlwind;
& I got dizzy trying to keep up.
but the dust (you stirred) has finally settled;
& you are nowhere to be seen.
bits of you thicken the air, leaving tears
to continue stinging in my eyes
I was unwilling and I am alone.
I guess you were never meant to stay.
Mar 11, 2015
Mar 11, 2015 at 1:08 PM UTC
you chase hurricanes,
when you can have the calm sea.
[ stay away from me ]
Dec 17, 2014
Dec 17, 2014 at 8:09 AM UTC