i've grown accustomed to having no one in my room.
i've learned to love the shade of my curtains.
mom gave them to me since i kept waking up earlier than when i should have
and that my eyes adjusts hastily on the light that felt
burning, heating, loathing.
what a span of three years does to a man.
but a force in my subconscious drove my hands and feet
i finally tied my curtains.
i let the dust settle in
like an unwanted foreign aunt on vacation
but i was taught to be hospitable.
the despicable sunlight seeped in fastly
and there was this hug that i felt
like my mom the week before chemotherapy
she always said it felt as if
her mother was looking over.
a guiding hand, she feels.
maybe this is what i was missing in my mornings.
so, i welcomed it.
i'm glad i tied my curtains today.
Jan 24, 2023
Jan 24, 2023 at 9:21 PM UTC
palaging bilin sa akin ni itay kahit pa bata ako, "huwag kang pupunta sa lamay na may sugat." ngunit, hanggang ngayon pa naman, makulit pa rin ako. bawat lamay, ako ang taga-aruga sa umiiyak, taga-bigay ng biskit at dyus sa mga bisita, taga-lampaso ng sahig sa tabi ng kabaong.
sa gitna ng lahat, yakap pa rin ako ng aking itay. kahit sa gitna ng pagod, kinakaya ko pa rin ang gumaya sa mga yapak niya. subalit, araw-araw ko na lang nilalampaso sarili kong paa; paa na puno ng laslas, pasa, at mga iba't-ibang mga butas na hindi ko na rin matandaan.
sa kahit anong mangyari, dala-dala ko ang mga sugat na ito. ito ang aking sumpa; na araw-araw kong paglalamayan ang bawat pagkakaibigang nawala, mga irog na sinaktan at nasaktan, mga bawat away sa pamilya, at tuluyang hindi ako aalis sa kapilya kahit mawala pa ang aking dugo.
alam ko sa sarili ko na makulit ako. hangga't may ihihinga pa ako, dadalhin ko ang mga sugat ko sa bawat lamay na hindi pa nililibing hanggang ngayon. pinili ko ang mag-lingkod at maging mabuti. kahit akin itong ikamamatay pa
Oct 30, 2022
Oct 30, 2022 at 6:37 AM UTC
you don't need to blame yourself anymore.
you don't need to chastise yourself anymore.
you don't need to look at the mirror every night and constantly hurt yourself anymore.
because i know that the biggest bully you've always had was a friend who has stabbed you in the back
and you didn't know that it hurts until someone told you that you were bleeding.
the doctor said the injury was a minor one
but he wouldn't know that
because you never told him how the pain feels
neither do your friends
nor your family
because i know you had a habit of lying just to prevent another funeral.
and now, the waves are crashing near the seams.
the sounds they make, they manifest the sins from our gods
but you play deaf still
because you don't know what all of this means.
and so you kept this habit of silence for years
...and years
...and years
until finally you realize, the only person you can't confront was yourself.
i know you have a savior complex,
which is why you try to be everyone's friend;
but even the greatest of heroes still rest and sleep
until they get the soft comfort of a cramp casket
i need you to feel better
i need you to heal
i need you to change so i don't have to take care of you.
i need you to not be afraid of vomiting when you speak.
i need you to realize the only stomachache you should fear of is one from guilt.
because i know that it hurts every time in the night before school.
i see you every time i sleep;
tossing and turning yourself every time you see his face
and the many others that have taunted you.
so, i beg of you to take your medicine
as the world is full of chaos;
greed, lust, gluttony,
they roam the alleyways and streets you walk of
and they will get you when the time comes
when you befriend such fools like fear,
the waves will get bigger
and the wound won't close unless you change
but still, i know you won't listen
because i know you are always stubborn.
but i'll forgive you.
because i know you are still a child.
you didn't need to be scolded
you needed to be held,
to be loved and cared for.
i'll take care of you.
i'll be the cliff you run to when the tides come
and the cliff you jump off from when you want to risk it.
i'll be your medicine,
your soft bed,
your doctor,
and the one who will always accept you for who you are.
you're still confused as to why i'm saying this,
but trust me when i say,
"it'll make sense when you're older."
i love you.
Dec 28, 2020
Dec 28, 2020 at 6:35 AM UTC
i wish i were cool
so authentic, not plastic
i wish i was dead.
Aug 30, 2020
Aug 30, 2020 at 11:06 AM UTC
what has love and smoke done to me?
i have had a packet or more
took a hit from a stick or two
the rhythm of ingesting
in, pause, feel, out
it always got me hooked
so fleeting; ephemeral
and yet blissful like kisses
with touches, murmurs,
and a twinge of pain
the symphony got me cursing
got me craving
took another hit
the part of inhalation
already a smoke worth lingering on
feeling the smoke inside me
i don't want to let this go
but i had to breathe out
cuz it hurts
but i beg for more
you're the cigarette i longed for
a stick i never wanna let die
with you, i feel the rush
the nicotine high
and it lingers me for times, it hurts
missing you, craving you
i just want you more.
never will another one like you come in again
a smoke so delicious
so palatable to me
the flavor i wanna keep on my lips
and keep tasting on my fingers
Aug 29, 2020
Aug 29, 2020 at 7:09 AM UTC
siguro nga tama ang mga nang-aatake sa atin.
"bakit ka matatakot,
terorista ka ba?"
bakit nga ba matatakot táyo kung hindi tayo terorista?
hindi naman, hindi ba?
táyo'y mga aktibista;
aktibista sa ating mga sariling pamamaraan.
táyo ang magpapabago sa takbo ng bayan,
sa bawat sistema nito,
sa bawat institusyon nito,
at sa bawat pagkakamali nito.
hindi lang din táyo mga aktibista
táyo ay mga rebolusyonaryo.
bakit nga ba táyo kailangan pang matakot?
Jul 13, 2020
Jul 13, 2020 at 10:29 AM UTC
i have always heard of aristophanes' story of soulmates be retold a bunch of times. the story always starts with humans originally having 4 legs, 4 arms, and a head with two faces. fearing the power they hold, zeus split them into two; condemning them to spend their lives finding their other halves.
i have always found it funny and fascinating. but i can't help but to think if the story is flawed?
because who's to say that there's only one person for me my whole life? who's to say that it can't take the form of a lover?
it can take place in the form of a friend that checks up on you at random
it can take place in the form of a professor that helps you when you've been underperforming
it can take place in the form of a parent that has always had your back throughout your years.
but why stop there? who's to say it had to be a person?
it can take place in the form of a sunny day where the sky is as clear as the ocean
it can take place in the form of an object that has always brought you back to your comfort zone
it can even take place in the form of a stray cat that is very playful to you everytime you pass by them
but again, i beg the question. who's to say aristophanes wasn't right? because maybe i am wrong
maybe, all this time, i just never met the right person
because i never met someone
who was as calm as a bright, blue sky
as playful and cheerful like a feral cat
as warm and welcoming like a friend
till i met you.
Jun 14, 2020
Jun 14, 2020 at 11:56 AM UTC
pakakawalan ko ang bughaw na langit
para sa maulap na langit
na puno ng usok
mula sa sunog
ng bawat sulo
bawat nag-iinit na kamao
bawat ng alab ng puso
kung ang kahihitnatnan ito
ay kalayaan
Apr 1, 2020
Apr 1, 2020 at 11:15 PM UTC
ang tali ko ngayon ay unti-unti nang napapatid
ngunit ako pa rin ay kumakapit
dahil alam kong maikli lamang ang buhay
kaya hahayaan ko na lang ang sarili ko
kung mahuhulog na ako muli
sapagkat gagawin ko ang lahat
makamit lamang ang pag-ibig na wagas.
Mar 25, 2020
Mar 25, 2020 at 10:01 AM UTC
ang sining na mapagbunyag
sa katotohanan ng lipunan,
sa mga kirot ng damdamin,
sa bawat sugat at dalamhati
ay sining na makakapagpapalaya
sining na makakapagmulat
at sining na makakabuhay!
Feb 3, 2020
Feb 3, 2020 at 8:45 PM UTC