they say lying is a kindness
and i always tried to be kind to you
but i'm no good at keeping people safe
so i only told you what was true
i didn't think i could do this alone
and some days are harder than most
but i'm muddling through
as you pale, in my mind - a ghost
it was no ones fault
yet i beg forgiveness in the dark
to hold you close, one last time
the only thing i'd ever ask
i think i lost the right to ask for anything a long time ago
Apr 14, 2018
Apr 14, 2018 at 11:27 AM UTC
i am the ghost to you
i wait in the empty space
for something that has passed
a time forgotten, or maybe it never existed at all
the sweetest haze of summer days excludes me
the way i thought i loved you eludes me
the Truth evades me
you do not tell me the Truth
i must learn on my own
to trust you; to love you
things have changed now
i am sick with worry
and you are far beyond the glass
let it change; let you be the one to change it
i will wait
but not forever
Nov 30, 2017
Nov 30, 2017 at 10:42 AM UTC
(this is to be read to the rhythm of tapping two fingers of one hand against the wrist of the other twice, then repeating the action but using the opposite hand)
i belong on the train at night
track goes by with ***** of light
never will i leave or ever arrive
far in the distance, a child cries
(repeat repeat repeat repeat)
(repeat repeat repeat repeat)
(stop when you have calmed down or when the repetition becomes so that you hurt yourself. repeat everytime you can't handle your own existence)
Sep 17, 2017
Sep 17, 2017 at 12:57 PM UTC
tell me your secrets
you ask
late night, a thousand miles apart
the phone blinks
tell me your secrets
you ask
drinking, lying in your bed
arms touching
tell me your secrets
you ask
cup of coffee, over brunch
i stir in the milk
i smile slowly
i dont have any secrets
i say
tell me one of yours
i cant believe you believe me
Apr 23, 2017
Apr 23, 2017 at 5:06 PM UTC
I will always look for you, in a crowd.
Do you know what its like, to live at the edge? I am nothing special but you are bright and brilliant; I cannot help but bask in it.
People talk about you. I talk about you - every second sentence. No wonder they think I'm in love.
I don't know what I want.
I'd rather be in your light than anyone elses. When you single me out, I feel the warmth, the electric from your light, and I shine too.
Bright and brilliant, don't you see that? Don't you know how brilliant you are?
I don't know what I want and even if I did I wouldn't know what to do.
Besides, I've thought about these things, yet you haven't. I know that. It's never crossed your mind.
I'll love you in a thousand ways. I can't always help you, but if for one moment, you know how bright and brilliant you are, I will be happy. And when you know, you will shine so bright you'll never wonder how you could have forgotten it. I will shine that day, bathing in the warmth and the light.
Allow me this, allow me this.
Mar 3, 2017
Mar 3, 2017 at 9:25 AM UTC
tell me the truth
how are you feeling?
tell me the truth
is this what you want?
if it is i'll support you just
tell me the truth
bits of a broken heart
you've told me
the truth
tell me the truth
what wont you say
what wont you say to anyone
tell me the truth
the night makes me soft
they all talk
they say things
i wont listen
ill listen to you if you
tell me the truth
what is this? why?
would i want to know
if you told me the truth?
Jan 15, 2017
Jan 15, 2017 at 5:37 AM UTC
Poison
Running through me
You told me, I asked for the truth
You should have kept it from me
Soft futures and soft dreams
Soft girls wrapped up in promise
I do not fit
Too big, boy-girl
Too much, too soon
I was not meant to love you
But I did
And it was done
Swift kiss, shot right through me
The poison came later
You deserve eachother
I deserve a chance
Let the tide change
I won't look back
Sep 9, 2016
Sep 9, 2016 at 1:57 AM UTC
I held your hand ; I kissed you,
When I found you on the sand
Waiting in the water, ankle deep
Together, forever, we'll stand
I watched you as you watched the sea
Your palm, solid in mine
The water round our shins now
Unaware of the passage of time
The night draws ever closer
Water lapping at our thighs
We stand together, unmoving
Outlasting the darkening sky
The tide has over taken us
The beach line far away
The water rises higher
But here, with you, I will stay
The taste of salt is everywhere
I see in a blue green hue
The darkening sea has taken me
And here, I will wait for you
Jul 10, 2016
Jul 10, 2016 at 2:33 AM UTC
I could have kissed you
In the garden, with cold hands and muddled stars
My fingertips tracing patterns in the semi darkess - you trace back , you reciprocate
(do you feel the same? can I ever know you?)
I push back baby hairs, kiss your forehead
Night makes kings and fools of all of us
Staring in the quiet, numb fingers pull on yours
(you reciprocate)
(you are like me, but you say so many words, words to make trivial a kiss, yet words to make heavy this night)
Past faces and wandering hands come into view
I loved her, yet what she did was not love
Is this different?
Are you different?
And I could have kissed you ( I should have kissed you ) but a sober heart keeps you not quite close.
I have loved, and I could love again
The future, hold my heart, not missing a beat.
Jun 12, 2016
Jun 12, 2016 at 3:22 AM UTC
My dad, with depression
It's probably not a new thing
There are other things to think about, talk about, walk and live our lives about,
We never talked about it
Until we did
I wasn't wearing my glasses ; I cried
You cried
Mum came in
I cried again
I cried in the shower and I cried into my breakfast, staring off into the distance
I've always known
I realise that now - I've always known
It all fits, a poster book
My dad, with depression
To paraphrase a friend, it *****
It ***** for you, and it ***** for my brother
Who'll grow up with these experiences and yet have no name for them
Accept them as normal
Until one day there not
One day you're old enough and yet you're somehow never old enough to hear that
It continues
I continue to attempt understanding
We don't talk about it
Sometimes I talk to Mum
Half truths ; not saying the words
I am not built to do this
Is anyone?
A whole history, hidden from me, is revealed
Of medicine and doctors and councillors
I don't know how my brother feels about it ; I don't know how to feel about it
My dad, with depression
Time rolls on, and I with it
Apr 4, 2016
Apr 4, 2016 at 2:02 PM UTC