fake friends gossip
fake friends talk behind your back
fake friends laugh even when
you don't think it's funny
fake friends seem nice
fake friends comfort you
fake friends make you feel safe
even if you shouldnt
fake friends lie to you
fake friends say it's okay
fake friends encourage you
to do the wrong thing
fake friends give you confidence
fake friends tell you it's okay
fake friends make you tell the truth
even if you shouldn't
fake friends ruin relationships
fake friends make you do things
fake friends say it's fine
as long as it feels that good
fake friends are addictive
fake friends make you think wrong is right
fake friends make you keep coming back
even if you shouldn't
fake friends become your only friends
fake friends make you feel alright
fake friends take the edge off
but sooner or later
fake friends
will.
*******
****
you.
Dec 17, 2019
Dec 17, 2019 at 8:02 PM UTC
i am supposed to be okay.
i told them all i knew what to do if i started feeling this way again.
i really thought i did
i thought i could prevent this
but it is all coming back
i was supposed to be the miraculous recovery
the story of hope
but i have slipped back into my old patterns
faster than i could realize it
it seems too late now
another round in the match against the darkness
that fills my insides
the darkness that slithers and creeps
its way through my once bright mind
putting out any source of light and
draining all colors
i have fought this before
and seemed to have won
but it never takes long
for it to regain strength and start
strangling me from the inside
once again
a familiar feeling of emptiness fills my body
each time those cold dark fingers
wrap around my soul
it grows stronger with each
grotesque thought it sends
into my now darkened mind
the color and light that once inhabited this cavern
are starved of the positivity they need to burgeon
and so they lie weakened
dwindling and starving on the damp ground
becoming more frail with each wave
of pain and despair
faster and faster this climate becomes too harsh for them
and they are gone
vanished alongside hopefulness and optimism
i try to recall what it felt like
when the color and light still remained
but the thought seems distant and foreign
i cannot wrap my mind around the way i used to think and feel
filled with naivety and hope
i squashed negative thoughts
with thoughts of love
and positivity
but now the roles are reversed
every day i search for that sliver of love and happiness
which i know is behind one of these doors
in the darkened hallways of my mind
one day i shall find it
i know this search will not conclude soon
and i will not find what i am looking for
as quickly as i want to
but when i do
and i know i will
i will nourish it
like my own child
it will grow stronger and stronger
with each step i take towards the light
it will nurse on my laughter
and feed on my joy
one day i will find this light
and care for it like one of my own
i just cannot bear the wait
the search
the feeling in its place
but for now
i will keep on looking
because i refuse to let
the darkness win
Oct 29, 2019
Oct 29, 2019 at 1:12 AM UTC
and now that cold, heavy blanket i've been trapped under for so long,
gets a little bit lighter, and i can finally feel the sun
it hasn't always been this light, mind you
i just haven't always been this strong
Aug 10, 2019
Aug 10, 2019 at 1:38 AM UTC
apocalypse
one is happening
before our eyes
one we caused
disguised by lies
money
what they make
from the week
they become hooked
to the relief they seek
zombies
are what is left
nothing to regret
souls left waning
while the industries are gaining
Jun 4, 2019
Jun 4, 2019 at 4:07 PM UTC
i cant just say
im good or bad
i cant just say
im tired or im mad
but thats what my feelings
must be reduced to
because im not sure you
would understand the chaos
and unsteadiness
my mind has gotten used to
when i cry
or cant catch my breath
i wont know how to talk to you
because i cannot describe
the hurricane
my mind has turned into
so im sorry
if i dont say anything
or if i say im fine when im not
but i really dont understand
where to begin
with untying this knot
Jan 18, 2019
Jan 18, 2019 at 3:46 PM UTC
i tell myself
i will tell you when you ask
when you finally notice
the frowns, the sighs,
the circles under my eyes
i tell myself
i will tell you when you ask
if everything is alright
when you ask for the reason
i have been sleeping less at night
i tell myself i'm ready
i tell myself you will understand
but every time you ask
and the truth could come out
i tell you there's nothing to worry about
Jan 18, 2019
Jan 18, 2019 at 3:39 PM UTC
sorry is an understatement
for the pain i put you through
i understand why you dont want to hear it
i built you up and tore you down
like it was some sort of game
like if it put you in pain
it wasnt me to blame
i held you and promised
through thick and thin
but i couldnt help when
the doubt kicked in
it couldve been better,
i couldve done more,
didnt need to hurt her,
i think until i cant think anymore
i want to
make it up
but theres
no other way
i hope it at least helps
if i say
i hate myself for what i did
every single day
Jan 2, 2019
Jan 2, 2019 at 2:42 PM UTC
i miss you
but i shouldn't
you are no good for me
and i have scars to prove it
but once again
my mind slips back to you
and your sweet relief
your sweet metallic kiss
you hurt me
but i love it
because its better to hurt
than to be numb
Nov 8, 2018
Nov 8, 2018 at 3:03 PM UTC
i'll dissolve
like that acid
on your tongue
as you saturate me
in your lies
i'll burn
like that joint
in your mouth
when you can't look
me in the eyes
and you will sting
from the slaps
you never got
each time you
made me cry
Nov 7, 2018
Nov 7, 2018 at 9:42 PM UTC