You’re wondering where I am,
Cuz I’m no longer around,
You try to understand,
Why you never saw the signs,
You say you were once there yourself,
But the fear for me is nowhere here,
Do you even care?
I try to smile,
To laugh,
To work,
But the pain inside is trembling me up in deep
I’m nauseous and want to go hide,
Never to be found,
Alone and at peace,
Forever in my sleep
I don’t want to deal with all the dozen things around,
I want to be able to fly,
Far up in the sky,
Where beauty is all I see and fresh air all I breathe
My air somehow have gotten polluted,
It’s so polluted it suffocates me to the core
The pain was always present,
From a young me untill now,
There have been breaks along the way,
But when it hits,
It hits me bad.
All the memories from the past keep knocking on my brain,
It’s like I struggle with glimpses of exruciating pain,
Memories that never fade, but forgotten in my conciousness
And I can’t unlock my unconciousness
Everything is coming back,
Everything and everyone tears me up inside,
Agony,
And most of it bottles up from my insides
The insides I can’t reach
But that forever holds me captive
I am dead while breathing,
And breathing while I’m dead
Nobody understands,
And I know that is a cliché,
But nobody does because I don’t even,
My life was filled with emotional terror,
The trauma stays with me through my tears,
The anxiety trembles my lips as I can’t seem to see clear
It’s foggy all around
And my feet won’t touch the ground
My emotions are numb,
It’s like I can’t feel
The only thing I feel is my pain that’s so real
It’s vivid and raw,
And nothing can compare
Who do I love if I love one at all?
They say you can’t love someone, before you love yourself,
I guess that’s true,
Cuz I never loved myself at all
It feels like I’m about to *****
And the devil’s on my door,
I’m ready to take off,
Nothing left for me here no more
Dec 19, 2020
Dec 19, 2020 at 6:56 PM UTC
Art doesn’t have to be beautiful,
It can be *****
Ugly,
Sad,
Malicious,
But it is still beautiful
Jul 10, 2019
Jul 10, 2019 at 7:05 PM UTC
I look up to the sky,
While begging myself to stay sane,
I won’t let my thoughts wander to the extreme
Just don’t bring my mind down to that state
I lay awake in my bed at night,
Staring into the darkness
As I feel the tears rolling down my cheeks
Just don’t bring my mind down to that state
I stare at an empty plate,
As I ask myself what I want
I feel the hunger wants to prevail over me,
While my insecurities make me prevail right back
Just don’t bring my mind down to that state
I feel alone the moment you leave,
Like I am never enough all on my own,
I need someone else to make me feel worthy,
So l fill the emptiness I feel with my phone
Just don’t bring my mind down to that state
Jul 10, 2019
Jul 10, 2019 at 7:00 PM UTC
The nights are mine
Nothing can change that
Peace, quiet and serenity
I’m alive, I can breathe
I can see clearly because
the darkness comes and the light fades.
The nights are mine,
And I never feel better
While you sleep, I live to the fullest
I smile, I laugh, I create, I learn
After a long day, I can finally relax.
Not be judged. Just be. Be me.
The nights are mine
Nobody owns me,
I’m by myself,
Running my own show,
Just letting my creativity flow,
And my intellect grow.
Jan 5, 2019
Jan 5, 2019 at 11:38 PM UTC
Hey there,
the loneliness is here
It’s taking over my every breath
Till the point that I can’t breathe
No breathing in and out
Just existing
Living
While I’m choking on my last breath
Anytime it can stop
Anytime it can disappear
I can disappear
My heart can stop
Just like my soul already did
It stopped the moment you walked away
The second you left
The way it felt
It died
Just like the rest
Everything that’s beating in my chest
Nothing left
But loneliness
Loneliness survived
It just continues to climb
From top to toe, it fills my insides
The agenda is clear
To take over everything I am and everything I’ve been,
Wipe me away till loneliness is mine
Dec 2, 2017
Dec 2, 2017 at 1:57 PM UTC
Her soul is captured by the devil,
Her mind as dark as the night,
But her eyes they light up so bright,
Shine like the stars of the night,
They look so nice,
Like an angel in disguise.
She speaks with such terror,
But she looks innocent and pure,
Her smile is heroic,
Compared to every other smile I adored,
Guys fall like flies,
Whenever and wherever she walks by.
She'll have you in her nest,
Trick you like the rest,
You'll never know,
The beautiful sight has blinded your eyes,
And made you lose your mind.
May 28, 2017
May 28, 2017 at 10:55 AM UTC
They tell you that when you know, you know.
I don't know how I know when I know.
I still don't know.
May 28, 2017
May 28, 2017 at 10:50 AM UTC
Oh my, noone ever told me it would be this hard...
To be so in touch with your emotions,
Right from wrong,
But still choosing to do wrong.
Is it the selfish gene taking over,
Or is it the fear of the unknown?
Am I too caught up in the safety of this home,
To break through and be on my own?
May 28, 2017
May 28, 2017 at 10:48 AM UTC
I'm simply suffocating,
Still breathing,
But suffocating.
I'm simply stuck,
Still moving,
But stuck.
I'm simply crying,
Still smiling,
But crying.
I'm simply dead,
Still alive,
But dead.
May 28, 2017
May 28, 2017 at 10:39 AM UTC
I have lost direction,
In every aspect of life,
In every part of my being,
My soul,
My heart,
My will.
I have lost it all trying to please
Everyone else but me,
Trying to do what they want from me,
And not what I want for me.
I'm sick of playing games,
But it's hard to say game over,
When you don't know whether you win or you lose.
It's a 50/50 chance,
All or nothing,
The scariest of them all.
I have lost direction trying to keep myself from the fall,
I have lost direction trying to stay safe from the storm,
I have lost direction living for other beings than me,
I have lost direction by not being me.
May 25, 2017
May 25, 2017 at 9:29 PM UTC