I wish I could find some poetic rhyme for you, but I can’t.The words flow, but not this is not perfect. I feel like some cliché country song. I mean, man when your lips touch mine, it is pure ecstasy. Your kiss takes me to a completely different place. Your kiss, your touch is more addictive than anything else that can be manufactured. No drug, no amount of alcohol can make me feel the way you do. No high compares to the high I get when I just feel your presence. When you hold me in your arms, the world melts away. Your voice sooths the pain in my heart. When I’m with you, nothing else even matters. Nothing but you my queen. You are perfect, from the way you carry yourself, to your perfect physique. You are a goddess in my eyes. I wish I could put it more in words but I really can’t. You deserve more than I could ever think of in words. No words can say how I feel about you in my heart. I’m writing this right after seeing you tonight. YOU ARE PERFECT.
May 18, 2017
May 18, 2017 at 10:17 AM UTC
4:00 AM
So I figured my story had to start somewhere right? Everyone has their story, the reason why they can’t keep going and mine starts tonight, or to be technically correct this morning. After almost six months clean I saw the crimson on my skin again. And now, almost four years from losing Zach I thought about it again. After loving two people I can’t bare to love someone else again. I cannot go through that feeling again of giving my life to someone just for them to leave me for the third time I cannot. So from this day on I am considering the most effective way to end things. Of course I am going to wait until I am off probation so that they cannot save me. Of course they try lol, but on probation they will have more of reason. No clue how I am going to do it yet, but I have a little over five months to plan right? I’m done. I am so ******* done with everything. After July, I will be gone. Guess I am just going to be just another statistic. Oh well. People didn’t care how they made feel so why should I care now?
Mar 20, 2017
Mar 20, 2017 at 7:05 AM UTC
Isn't it astounding how often we connect to others,
Yet we spend the entirety of our lives searching for ourselves?
We can find nothing but perfection in the flaws of others
But when we look in the mirror all we find is disappointment
In others, we see the potential of success in person we barely know
Yet all our hard work seems frivolous because we are blind
We can love someone with the whole of our heart, break ourselves
For someone who wouldn't think to remember your name
How is it that our harshest of judges is ourselves,
But we forgive others without the request of an apology
When did we learn that to love ourself is to conceited?
When did we learn to be modest is to degrade ourselves?
Feb 27, 2017
Feb 27, 2017 at 11:38 PM UTC
Do I regret the night my world changed?
I guess the simple answer should be yes,
But in fact, I wish it had been my last.
Now I know what people claim.
Do you know how lucky you were?
But I do not find that night luck.
I guess in my heart I somehow knew.
I had this gut feeling something was wrong,
Yet I chose to be there anyways.
Why? You may ask, and really
I do not have answer. Or do I?
I felt myself spiraling down the rabbit hole.
Though, this is something I cannot
Fully comprehend or fathom.
For once in my life I had everything.
Success, great grades, a car
Diploma at 17, college fully paid
Finally my father cared, or did he?
I think to myself it is my self destructive
Nature. Deep down, I cannot accept love.
I know this now, for every time I get close
I find a way to sever ties.
Maybe it is from a life of deception,
Manipulation, abuse, fear, loneliness,
Abandonment or was it the lies?
Was it the constant promises, promises
I knew deep down were bottomless pits.
I used to believe I was strong, but I learned
Pain changes people. It has a way of altering
People into the very person they swore
They would never become. I became my own fear.
Now all I can think about is the bliss.
I beg for the bliss I felt that night.
The same bliss that came with a screech.
I can’t remember the incident,
But I still feel it deep in my bones.
I feel the rattle inside my head,
I hear the shouts from people all around.
There’s this faint sound of metal crashing around me.
It’s pitch black but I smell something terrible.
Burnt rubber, smoke, no something else?
My head is pounding but I’m numb.
All around people are urging me not to move.
My vision is blurred, there’s broken glass.
I can’t moved, I can’t breathe, unable to think.
To my side, I see my airbag deployed, yet I
Still can’t comprehend what has happened.
This all just feels like one of my nightmares.
I think to myself, any moment I will wake up.
My door won’t open, why won’t it open?
Dizziness engulfs me and blackness consumes me.
I awake to bright lights, but I can’t hear.
Hands hold me down, but who are these people?
I look at my leg wrapped in a makeshift cardboard cast.
I try to move it, I tear at the tape, but I’m detained.
Panic seeps in, was I in a crash. My breaths come
More and more shallow. Waves of pain crash against me,
Suddenly I drowning in what ifs and confusion.
Did I **** someone? What have I done?
It was in this moment I took my last breath. I hear
Beeping around me, as my vision starts to blur.
There’s panic in the voices of each EMT. There’s pain
In my chest but I don’t fight it. I accept it with open arms.
The pain turns into a rush of relief throughout my veins.
Soon my vision fades, along with the voices of the people
Around me. Then everything is silent and I am at peace.
Now I think to myself, why didn't they leave me be.
Why couldn't I forever feel the bliss of that night?
Why did I have to wake up, why can’t I go back?
So in a sense, no I do not regret this Father’s Day.
Aug 9, 2016
Aug 9, 2016 at 7:06 AM UTC
Her heart beats the bass drum of her symphony mind.
Her poet soul writes ballets of her reluctant spirit.
Her delicate body is inched in mithril chain works,
Never ceasing to save her from danger; herself.
Artwork covers her remote vessel, maps guiding along.
Telling wicked stories with beautiful silk advocacies,
Carefully constructed of pearly whites,
Rose pinks, plum purples and crimson reds.
She's up in her tower, guarded by bitterness and pain.
Her secluded wonderland is unseen by most eyes.
Yet those who bare the trouble of the journey,
Will arrive forever unchanged with awe and sadness
In their hearts. As for the girl who the world blindly oversees,
She steals the breath of the ones who hold her dear.
Dec 30, 2014
Dec 30, 2014 at 2:08 AM UTC
I’ve come to believe I’m not the person I once thought I was
I never understood how you could treat me so harsh,
Then again everyone does
I’m the person everyone turns to when they to put the blame
And if all that everyone says is true, I’m better off without this world,
And the world without me
“She’s just getting better; she doesn’t need you to ruin everything”
“Only after talking to you does he go do crack, cuts himself, or goes off drinking”
“It’s best he never talks to you, and we’ll make sure that happens”
“*Everyone has better things to do than to worry about your petty problems,
The world will still turn without you*”
“*What are you going to do? **** yourself*”
“You’re just going to ruin tonight, like you ruined your mom’s life”
“I have to be high just to be around you”
“Maybe I’d still love you”
“She was always better than you”
“*You’re too ****** up, nobody will ever love you*”
“This only happens when you’re around”
“*You’re stupid, how could you be so ******* stupid!*”
“You make everything about you”
“You will get far less in life than you think you will”
“You just being there makes things worse”
“*Maybe you shouldn’t have been such a *****
“Everything that happened was because of you”
“You’re so disgusting”
"*If you're going to **** yourself, get it right the first time,
Don't leave me the pain of you failing*"
If all that they say is true, then maybe it’s time to say goodbye..
Nov 17, 2014
Nov 17, 2014 at 7:11 PM UTC
The familiarities that were once comforting
Have now become tear stained nightmares.
The anticipation of a new master piece-
One that brought the promise of change
And through magic became strokes
Of color-changing beauty, has now
Become dread and guilt.
The mirror cannot reflect the memories
Etched into crystalized eyes.
It cannot show the inner bruising,
From self-mutilation. It cannot show
The web work of past words that
Constrict the heart, barely holding
Together what was already broken.
The instability in a voice is ignored,
While time still continues all around.
One single moment can be sent into
Devastation while the earth doesn’t
Blink so much as an acknowledgment.
The smell of a crimson blade, should
Not be easily understood. The accusations
Should never have been, should never
Have become reality. If love is present,
Then these familiarities should be absent.
Sep 30, 2014
Sep 30, 2014 at 2:02 AM UTC
I’m exhausted from all the pressure
Why even bother if I’ll never succeed
I’ve begun to realize that I’ll never
Be able to quench the world’s selfish greed
All the past negativity used to be my motivator
But lately it’s become more of an anchor
My best is never enough, it’s quite onerous
Even taking a breath seems nodulous
If I could change one thing
I’d have listened to the adults
And I would now believe
To hate growing old
I’d go back to a happier time
Call it happy if you may
I’d go back to a life of deception
Before I realized the lack of affection
A time before life’s lies were clear
Before I hated the silhouette of the mirror
I’d go back to my days of innocence
Where there wasn’t a care to be felt
I’d ignore the hate of others
And undo the acknowledgment of individuals
I would hate myself less
And I wouldn’t be afraid to be heard
I’d teach my younger self the world is cruel
And I’d realize nothing lasts forever
I’d had rid myself of nights filled will ghouls
And today would be easier had I discovered
Life gets better, as people always quoted
But one thing was never noted
Things get better, but they can also get worse
Nothing lasts forever is a statement obverse
But I do not have the soul power
To change what can’t be undone
So I’ll live with the memories
To learn from my mistakes,
And try to better myself
And my future
Sep 10, 2014
Sep 10, 2014 at 11:40 PM UTC
Astounding how a crowded hallway can be so lonesome
Oddly everyone once known, merely seem to be strangers
Social anxiety being an obstacle difficult to overcome
Drowning in the ocean of cowardly, ceaseless faces
Aug 18, 2014
Aug 18, 2014 at 9:15 PM UTC
What has happened to today's society
Everything to be seen is sickening
Hardly anyone is true to their word
And friendship is considered absurd
They're suppose to be there through thick and thin
But all is thrown away when shown a little skin
Where exposing bodies has been revered
And it's morally acceptable to play smear the queer
Seemingly betrayal is accepted more and more
A grand fest of backstabbing galore
It's better to be alone, where there's no deception
Where truth can be found in a simple reflection
But the truth in others is as fake as can be
Because the only truth is that there are only lies in this reality
No one truly can appreciate all that is done
Unless they're being mistreated; it is no longer fun
Suppose friends lurk in the shadows plotting a sinister deed
Implanting it unknowingly in our minds growing from an evil seed
Many are trapped here wondering who to trust and who to not
Getting lost in this ever lasting thought
Spit in the face by an enemy or stabbed in the back by a friend
Who should be trusted; what differences does it make in the end
Jun 6, 2014
Jun 6, 2014 at 6:29 PM UTC