Fresh blankets of snow turned to slush
Handsome white into gloomy grey
Temperatures rising with rainfall
As Mother Nature grows with the grass
From a girl to fully grown
Blossomed like the emerald leaves in endless heat
And she thinks,
Things can’t stay alive forever.
Expensive trees serve as her apologies
And as the fee for the temperature decrease
Leafy angels crunch beneath feet
Soon replaced by rocks of salt in the street
And Mother Nature rests
After a sly confession
That she plans to do it again.
Dec 22, 2020
Dec 22, 2020 at 6:51 PM UTC
One call,
I need to last one call without her.
One call without her screaming,
Incessant pleading,
That I’m better by myself.
I bury her deep, distracting her with nonsense about how
They probably won’t pick up anyway,
It won’t work anyway,
It’s hopeless anyway,
While dialing each number as fast as I can,
Before she comprehends what each number means
Each digit like a deep breath I couldn’t take before,
As I countdown the seconds until my freedom.
She looms closer and closer to the surface in the space between each dialing tone,
Itching at my fingertips to end the call once and for all.
When a voice replaces the silence,
She freezes,
Out of reasons to continue.
The voice on the other end cannot hear my triumphant smile,
only my stutter, as I begin to speak,
Every syllable another benchmark towards victory.
When I hang up the phone, it is not because she told me so.
It is because I won the battle I fought for so long.
Oct 12, 2020
Oct 12, 2020 at 3:18 PM UTC
Sedate me
Medicate me
Feed me pills until you break me
At some point the spinning has to cease
But when it does, who will I be?
When the constant shaking of my leg stops,
Will I be shoved into your box?
Do I exist outside of my habits,
Or does my identity require I have it?
Is there anything left that’s special about me
When I give in to treatment?
Oct 12, 2020
Oct 12, 2020 at 2:59 PM UTC
I remember useless things
Like how your hand fit in mine
Good to know at the time
But reduced
To uselessness now that you’re gone.
I remember useless things
Like our very first date
How right after we ate
We sat in the parking lot
Laughing a lot
At something you said that I can’t quite recall.
I remember useless things
That hurt to think back to
Like how you used to kiss me,
That you used to miss me
When you used to miss me
Yeah, you used to miss me
Unbelievable now
Just like it was at the time.
I remember useless things
That I wish I could forget
Wish I could forget that you cared
That you were ever even there
Because you really weren’t there
No, you were never there
And there’s something about that that stings
But I forget why.
I remember useless things.
And forget all the rest.
The things that don’t matter
Lay heavy in my chest
And I can’t forget.
Because I only remember useless things.
Oct 12, 2020
Oct 12, 2020 at 1:51 PM UTC
I met a man today
He looked me up and down and said
“Well aren’t you the finest little lady I’ve seen?”
I smiled and laughed, as forced as it was,
But quickly continued on my way, because—
He must have been crazy, seeing things maybe—
From my sweats to my ugly, can’t he see I value safety?
Oct 7, 2020
Oct 7, 2020 at 7:46 PM UTC
Sometimes things look better blurry
At least that’s what my mirror told me
When I took my glasses off today.
Sometimes things look better fuzzy
Like right after crying, eyes puffy
Because you didn’t really mean it anyway.
sometimes things look better hazy
The truth becomes a little less weighty
And easier to escape.
Oct 7, 2020
Oct 7, 2020 at 7:45 PM UTC
Your brain buzzes around sunflowers and in West Virginian clouds,
Around strings of old guitars and strings of shrimp flavored ramen,
Around calling me pretty and asking me to dance when we’ve just met,
Around your dog and your home and your friends that you love oh so much,
And it mesmerizes me because
I’ve never loved the way someone talks about themselves as much as when you do.
Oct 7, 2020
Oct 7, 2020 at 7:43 PM UTC
I think sometimes I miss you.
Rarely, on occasion, because
It’s hard to admit,
But once in a while I miss you a little bit of a whole lot.
When I hear your name in conversation it’s easy to brush off
But harder to bury when I’m alone.
Sometimes I’m prepared to miss you.
But I can’t.
For some reason the timing’s not right,
I can’t will myself to cry,
So I choke it down and switch to internal bleeding for a while.
When I’m ready, I miss you.
When I’m not, I miss missing you.
Oct 7, 2020
Oct 7, 2020 at 7:42 PM UTC
She wanted to love her
but didn’t know how.
The static in her head was too loud:
crowded commotion that could crack open her cranium countless times.
Then the clocks start counting
unconsciously unnoticed
no one can tell:
not her, not her.
The warning there but under the radar,
Simple to see and quickly discard,
Unexplored feelings left burned, charred
Piles on piles of invisible scars.
After her head has had enough--
Almost as if it was obvious--
The clocks turn carnivorous,
and break down the barriers she bound around them,
destroying her defenses and leaving her defenseless as they detonate the little love she keeps for herself.
Then, there’s nothing left.
Jan 14, 2020
Jan 14, 2020 at 5:17 PM UTC
I can't stand it.
So I sit.
But then the chair begins to itch,
so I stand again, take a step
which feels forward but is in fact
b
a
c
k
w
a
r
d
but I continue
carefully tiptoeing along
carelessly creating everything wrong
and then the thing I can no longer stand for
is no longer the thing it was before
and all that's left is me
defeated by my own feet
who kept carrying me forward, backward
looking at the footprints, are they forward or backward?
Easy to explain from either side,
harder to claim only from mine.
Guess we'll never really know
cause now I'm sitting right back down
which is just another way of saying:
does it even matter now?
Jan 14, 2020
Jan 14, 2020 at 1:44 PM UTC