Ignore me in all forms
For someone as wonderful as you
I can only be washed up in your wave
To crash upon the shore and cough up my dignity
Struggle to breathe in your love
Gasping gasping
Every breath growing desperation
Please allow me to drown
Drown in the ocean you embody
Succumbing to your being
My choice would be to die
To fail or to surrender
Because to be with you means to **** myself
I can never be all that you are
I can only be myself
myself that isn't strong enough to swim in your waves
To be refreshed in your care
or to be thrashed in your maelstrom
Ignore me please
I'll sink into the abyss of your trenches
wildly flailing
all the way down
without hope of getting out
defeated and deprived
I'm not strong enough
To swim against your currents
or even wade in your tides
so please leave me be
I don't wish to die in your tempest
Oct 8, 2017
Oct 8, 2017 at 1:50 AM UTC
lukewarm night
with your charcoal hue
pervaded by unnatural light
my eyes quake
tired but restless
forced to stay open
a heart wide awake
these mud brown pupils
swimming in irritated red
crickets ringing
mocking
can't fall asleep
can't fall apart
can't fall again
thump thump thump
sweat sweat sweat
please let me rest
legs stick together
moist and warm
uncomfortable
neck won't stop itching
scratch scratch scratch
red irritated skin
matching set with eyeballs
humid air feels yucky in my throat
discomfort and displeasure
tummy rumbles
not sure if empty or full
brain can't stop thinking
not sure if empty or full
eyelids slip
eyeballs quake
rinse and repeat
teeth feel coated in soda
worst kind of coat
wanna brush teeth
don't wanna get up
just wanna sleep
toss and turn
face in pillow no good
sleeping face up feels weird
back pain in the morning anyway
but please let me sleep now
tired eyes of mine
anxious heart of mine
uncomfortable body of mine
please let me sleep
Oct 8, 2017
Oct 8, 2017 at 1:46 AM UTC
I absolutely abhor you
you wildcard
you do what you want
because your wants change by the day
I only do what I do because I adore you
chained to obsession
I can only linger so far
until the links tighten and pull me back towards you
yet I have to watch you
caress my face and tossle my hair
kiss me sweetly
then walk away
to do whatever it is that makes you happy
but when the only thing that makes me happy is you
it becomes a real burden
like a happy pup
I wag my tail and tap my paws when you give me your attention
leave me and I'll faithfully stand by the door
waiting for your return so I can smile again
I may amuse myself around my limited world
but at the end of the day
nothing makes me happier than your presence
and so I suffer when what you want to do doesn't include me
some days I like to pretend
like I hate you
like what you do is awful
like I deserve better
but truthfully you do
you should be able to love me in the way you want
not the way I demand
I should be able to love you in a way you can handle
not become rowdy when you can't understand me
we want different things
but we both want each other
because when it comes to finding people you like
there are a few you can spend every moment with
and those are the people you can never fully let go
so I'll ignore you when you want to see me
but I'll go because I need to see you
I'll act indifferent when you want to hang out
but I'll be happy to be around you
I'll do what I can to make you think I'm not crazy
but my heart won't stop racing until we part
I love you
and that's why I hate you
Oct 8, 2017
Oct 8, 2017 at 1:44 AM UTC
get out of my head you sapphire eyed beauty
don't pervade my life with that wondrous smile
leave my heart alone with your infectious laugh
stop with the enjoyable quips of your life back home
the more I know, the more I care, and the more I care to know
if you give a mouse a cookie, he's going to want some milk
if you give me too much attention, I'm going to want your love
and to love you is the mistake that'll be my end
to spend my time thinking about the cute way you say y'all
to fantasize about the taste of those supple lips
or to become lost in hearing your rambles about life
doesn't matter what you're talking about
I'll eat up every word
becoming an anxious little boy every time you suggest getting together
losing my silver tongue whenever I'm in your presence
words like daggers when you talk about the men who covet you
it's more than your skin which radiates of marvelous florida beaches
it's more than those ivory teeth which reside in that five star smile
it's more than those azure blue eyes which captivate my greedy peepers
you're special to me not because you're an angel
you're special to me because every moment with you is heaven
so cast aside those charming glances and do away with your silky voice
sheathe those killer looks and put away your honest conversation
stop asking for this dance
once I get lost in the motions I'll glide through the steps
enthralled by your being
spare me the trouble love
Oct 8, 2017
Oct 8, 2017 at 1:38 AM UTC
the days pass by like leaves in fall
some days yellow some days red
but you breathe life into my dull routine
whether you mean to or not
you are the blooming spring amongst my life's winter
so I will adore you
till my heart bursts
and my smiles decay
like the leaves that fall in the autumn breeze
to empty my branches and reveal my wicked form
you make me want to flourish and yet you don't mind when I'm barren
the seasons pass slowly when I'm with you
and the winter's frigid ice is melted by the hearth of your being
be my spring and I'll be your blossoms
you are the summer wind and I am the gentle waves
kiss me with your warm embrace and lead me towards uncharted shores
Oct 8, 2017
Oct 8, 2017 at 1:23 AM UTC
Time once again for the mind’s late night talk show, and what better a time then under the moon’s late night chalk glow!
The time for the mind to run rampant with fear, depression, paranoia, sorrow, ailing feelings coupled with thoughts quite unclear
Run away little boy, from the shadow of a man, from the shadow of your desires, run away if you can
Hide under the blanket, the pillow, or a smile. No comforts can save you from yourself, a toxic dream factory most vile
Lose yourself in the light of your distracting mundane phone, it won’t stop the nightmares that plague you when alone
Toss and turn as the poison seeps and your heart weeps, the discomfort is delightful as you squirm while the fog creeps
Shrouded in the mist, paralyzed at the legs and tied down at the wrists, the romantic interlocking marks that a weak mind and horror kissed
May your terrors come to life, and your heart fear the worst. May you flinch at every strife as your soul is now cursed.
Once again the boogeyman comes to toy with your mettle, your courage being whittled down petal by petal
When he gets to the stem, he shakes you at your core, instilling the mayhem until you can take no more
Before you cried at the world because to the world you were small, now you are enveloped by dark where you are nothing at all
Insignificant to the empty void of black, an abyss with no break, chip, or crack
But why are you bent on the judgment of vacancy, why should nothing make you ashamed of complacency
Why have you given up on challenging your fear, why would you rather be anywhere but here
The nightmare isn’t the bloodied visages of the ghosts and the ghouls, nor is it the paranoia invading the minds of madness stricken fools
Single out all the devil’s playthings and the mind’s erroneous states, add in the bad luck which binds all of our fates
May I face all those dreadful barbarities in a convenient sum, for the weight of their abhorrence would fare better than living in the shadow of who I could become
Mar 25, 2017
Mar 25, 2017 at 2:20 AM UTC
What does it mean
When my breathing hastens to quick desperate spurts
What does it mean
When my heart engorges with terrified anxiety
What does it mean
When I feel so utterly helpless
My eyes fried from hours of entertainment, journeys of heroes and salvation
All the stories I’ve been told where the brave man perseveres through anguish and strife
Yet not all heroes virtuous, flawed as I am and just as helpless at times
In the end, they are always saved, rescued by powers above them
But for me to depend on powers above myself, I feel so selfish
Who am I to deserve the attention and aid where it can be better spent on those who help themselves better
Those who stand themselves up and avoid travesty before it befalls them
The wise who stand tall where my knees buckle, and face righteously at the perils which intimidate my weak mettle
Other endings include heroes whose cunning or hidden strength prevails
Yet I feel exhausted, my melancholy tears bear no fruit towards further courage
No skills to boast or helpful traits to fall back on, just a mind bottled in with emotions of despair and gloom; shaken periodically for good measure
There also exists interlocking stories, where answers lie in the unity of friends, a jovial resolution where people create happiness together
Pride and embarrassment prevent me from a similar fate, as it is not in my interests to bring a wretched mind to the feet of my humble friends
Tainting their bliss and tarnishing the image of myself in their eyes, all sullied over a dejected mentality which may not be purified by their hands
Should Darwin’s theory prove true and I be trampled among the ill-equipped to excel in such an unfair reality, I’d be satisfied in knowing that I fulfilled my mission
To be beaten down and erased for the sole purpose of proving that the inferior cannot survive, to that point I would at least have served some use
Right now in limbo, where I must decide what kind of story my life defines, existentialism besets my feeble pathetic mind
Others live their stories, miles and oceans away, struggling through hardships infinitely more terrible
Here I whine and sob at the follies of my character and injustices I cannot control, acting as though the weight of the world were ****** upon my shoulders
Burdens weigh what they shall affect of a person, issues ranging from ant-hills or mountains, snowballs or avalanches, rain drops or tempests
However, I am cursed with a worrying disposition which magnifies my feeling of horror and desperation
Then the question remains
What does it mean
When I find myself, face in pillow, hoping to be clumsily pranced along to the next scene in my life like a miserable marionette
What does it mean
When I disappoint the people in my life, and have to bear the weight of their sunken faces
What does it mean
When I pretend everything will collapse upon me just because things haven’t gone my way
What does it mean
Aug 10, 2016
Aug 10, 2016 at 6:08 PM UTC
***** white cap, once pristinely perfect but carelessly soiled by ignorant hands
chipping green walls, a gentle calming color breaking away piece by piece to flaunt its original ugly palette
Socks with holes, big and small, taken for granted and willingly allowed to continue in poor shape
generously filled bottles of cologne, unused and untouched, a dream presentability accompanied by aroma shattered by melancholy indifference
empty soda cans, an adoration for sweet sensation followed by a bittersweet regret in rotten yellowed teeth
grease stained shirts, a consequence of gluttonous irresponsibility as well as a tragic reminder of one's forgotten delicate care
wrinkled oxford shirts and lost pairs of cufflinks, to lose touch with formalities and absorb a lifestyle without need to dress with pride
this house has no coasters, tables are decorated with ring stains interlocking, each one the same short story: "whoops"
once glimmering and shining silver, tarnished and neglected, now shine dully whilst sitting idly untouched
hair is a tangled mess, face is chaotically barbaric, body is an instrument out of tune, a person whose had a falling out with biological pleasantries
where the ambition to improve becomes absent, an abysmal house suffers and low ambition discourages change of mindset
a ***** mirror, in it the reflection of a stranger, eyes with no spark and an empty expression
frankly, it would appear its visage happier than mine, our faces and our surroundings look the same but the cloud that looms over me cannot be reflected
Jun 26, 2016
Jun 26, 2016 at 7:37 PM UTC
again, I find myself awake.
I’m sure you’re asleep, in his arms, wound tightly and pressing your body against his
I’m sure you’re asleep, with his face in your hair wafting in your sweet aroma
I’m sure you’re asleep, dreaming of the life you’ll live with the man you chose over me
I know you don’t think of me anymore, and when I message you, you say you still love me
but those are only words, and words don’t comfort me on these lonely nights
words don’t lie next to me in this half empty bed under the slivers of moonlight
words aren’t remedies for heartbreak nor antidotes for love sickness
If you did love me, then why is it that you reply the next day and apologize because you were so busy with him
If you did love me, why did you move in with him, how come I can see his presence in all of the snapchats you send me
If you did love me, why did you choose him over me, how come you can have two hearts and I’ve nary a one
I’m sure you’re asleep, blissfully unaware that I lay awake thinking of you
when you wake up, your first thought will be of him
when you wake up, your first sight will be his face
when you wake up, your first smile will be for him
and when you fall back asleep, you’ll have spent the whole day without even thinking of me once
you’ll fall back asleep, and I’ll still be awake, tortured every agonizing moment thinking of you
but just because I’m awake, doesn’t mean I’m not tired
I wish I could sleep
forever
Jun 7, 2016
Jun 7, 2016 at 11:43 PM UTC
Tonight the very notion that steals my mental devotion, is that chance play a motion in that commotion concerning whether one receives a demotion or a promotion
To be lucky or unlucky! It must feel a little yucky, perhaps a bit sucky, that your ability to forsee outcomes is a tad mucky
You might play your hand and find your decision be grand, or life may demand that you be reprimand, where things may not go as planned as you receive a backhand
Hell you may just strike gold, where you luck begins to unfold, where your wealth was withhold, it may just so happen you behold your gold increase eightfold!
People like to be upset due to all the others they've met who don't seem to sweat and carry no debt, people who fret thinking they deserve a corvette or a big shiny jet that they'll get when they win the grand luck roulette.
Still I think that it shows that even if life blows, when the sky fills with crows and your luck seems to have froze, luck is just a fact of life that nobody knows
With the good comes the bad, with the happy the sad, with the boring the rad, that luck is quite a fad
Just know that whether you're hung out to dry or live in Versailles, whether you hit the bulls-eye or things go awry, have everything money can buy or just barely scrape by, you just can't deny your life is at the mercy of life's invisible die
May 4, 2016
May 4, 2016 at 12:45 AM UTC