pastelxpunk - Hello Poetry

My mind starts ticking. I click publish and wonder if I made a mistake. Everyone knows who I am. Depressed, self-loathing, suicidal? But no one knows my face or voice, my height or my weight. They just know I'm a sad soul like they are. I get a message from one of my online friends I know her in real life and she doesn't know. That one of her classmates is wolf in sheeps clothing. I wonder if she knew who I was, if she'd tell all her friends or be too embarrassed to share. She has the same problems, were both the same but she has a reputation and I can't find one.

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Jul 12, 2015

Jul 12, 2015 at 9:12 PM UTC

And my mind starts to tick

My mind starts ticking. I click publish and wonder if I made a mistake. Everyone knows who I am. Depressed, self-loathing, suicidal? But no one knows my face or voice, my height or my weight. They just know I'm a sad soul like they are. I get a message from one of my online friends I know her in real life and she doesn't know. That one of her classmates is wolf in sheeps clothing. I wonder if she knew who I was, if she'd tell all her friends or be too embarrassed to share. She has the same problems, were both the same but she has a reputation and I can't find one.

11

I can't remember when I was first happy I don't remember when my wrists were clean I wish I was happy I wish I was clean Sadness envelopes me like a velvety wave Please help, oh darling, I can't live like this anymore I can't smile I can't laugh I can't live without doubt Maybe if I just die tonight Everyone would be happy And no one would have to bother with me.

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Apr 5, 2015

Apr 5, 2015 at 10:06 PM UTC

I can't remember

I can't remember when I was first happy I don't remember when my wrists were clean I wish I was happy I wish I was clean Sadness envelopes me like a velvety wave Please help, oh darling, I can't live like this anymore I can't smile I can't laugh I can't live without doubt Maybe if I just die tonight Everyone would be happy And no one would have to bother with me.

12

Beer bottles crashed down to the ground She heard heavy foot steps Startled and freightened She had no clue What to do Her lover walked in A smile on his face Her took a swing and couldnt stop ****** and battered she picks herself A couple days later Nobody could know They'd be so hateful With a smile She walked into school Her body was beaten And her heart was broken By one she loved most She was tired of this So she went to the roof Where she felt okay And then in an instant She was alone Dead on impact She thought no one cared

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Feb 4, 2015

Feb 4, 2015 at 10:00 PM UTC

Broken love

Beer bottles crashed down to the ground She heard heavy foot steps Startled and freightened She had no clue What to do Her lover walked in A smile on his face Her took a swing and couldnt stop ****** and battered she picks herself A couple days later Nobody could know They'd be so hateful With a smile She walked into school Her body was beaten And her heart was broken By one she loved most She was tired of this So she went to the roof Where she felt okay And then in an instant She was alone Dead on impact She thought no one cared

24

As i'm bleeding out, I'm thinking of you. You said you wouldn't do it again. But you lied, you hurt me, I have to lie about these bruises, the dark sagging skin under my eyes. I have to lie about the lines that fill up my arm because of you. Because of you, I can't eat or sleep Everyday I must cover up the emotional bruises you left behind, by faking a smile and long sleeves. Everyday I flinch back when a man touches me because it reminds me of you. Everyday I get looks of pity because of you. Because of you, i'll never trust another man. I'll never forget the way you charmed me into believing you loved me. I'll never forgot those nights where you broke the bottles and threated to **** me. I will never forgot the way you tied me up and touched me with your serpent hands. I will never forget. Because. Of. You.

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Oct 10, 2014

Oct 10, 2014 at 7:35 PM UTC

Because of you.

As i'm bleeding out, I'm thinking of you. You said you wouldn't do it again. But you lied, you hurt me, I have to lie about these bruises, the dark sagging skin under my eyes. I have to lie about the lines that fill up my arm because of you. Because of you, I can't eat or sleep Everyday I must cover up the emotional bruises you left behind, by faking a smile and long sleeves. Everyday I flinch back when a man touches me because it reminds me of you. Everyday I get looks of pity because of you. Because of you, i'll never trust another man. I'll never forget the way you charmed me into believing you loved me. I'll never forgot those nights where you broke the bottles and threated to **** me. I will never forgot the way you tied me up and touched me with your serpent hands. I will never forget. Because. Of. You.

19

December 6th 2013 I lost you Everyone talked about it but I didn't believe it Until they announced it I sat there shocked then I started screaming and crying I fell to my knees and whimpered "Why?" I screamed "Why did you leave?" My teacher took me out and led me to the library My friends all came to me and enveloped me into a hug. I really miss you December 7, 2013 They held a memorial We held candles, while to music blared in the back My friend Laura talked with me I miss you Why did you leave? December 14, 2013 It was your funeral. Everyone told stories about you. I broke down in tears when Band played your favorite song. I miss you very much I cry over you a lot Wish you could be back here but you're not and it *****

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Feb 26, 2014

Feb 26, 2014 at 8:54 PM UTC

When I lost you

December 6th 2013 I lost you Everyone talked about it but I didn't believe it Until they announced it I sat there shocked then I started screaming and crying I fell to my knees and whimpered "Why?" I screamed "Why did you leave?" My teacher took me out and led me to the library My friends all came to me and enveloped me into a hug. I really miss you December 7, 2013 They held a memorial We held candles, while to music blared in the back My friend Laura talked with me I miss you Why did you leave? December 14, 2013 It was your funeral. Everyone told stories about you. I broke down in tears when Band played your favorite song. I miss you very much I cry over you a lot Wish you could be back here but you're not and it *****

24

He was upstairs It was just a normal day He listened to music When he heard his girlfriend come in. She hugged him and she accidently bumped his arm. He flinched back slightly, he didn't think she'd notice but she did. "May I please look?" He nodded. She rolled up his sleeves and gasped. Cuts and scars lined up his arm. She kissed each and every cut and scar. As she rolled up her sleeves She said, "I've been fighting too, darling."

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Jul 20, 2013

Jul 20, 2013 at 2:46 AM UTC

I've been fighting too, darling

He was upstairs It was just a normal day He listened to music When he heard his girlfriend come in. She hugged him and she accidently bumped his arm. He flinched back slightly, he didn't think she'd notice but she did. "May I please look?" He nodded. She rolled up his sleeves and gasped. Cuts and scars lined up his arm. She kissed each and every cut and scar. As she rolled up her sleeves She said, "I've been fighting too, darling."

15

Get these voices out of my head I can't get them out Help me They're making me crazy, they're making me change My heart beats fast, I feel like i'm dying That's when they attack "Die, you ugly ***** "You're so stupid. Nobody will EVER love you." "Laura, she doesn't like you, she thinks you should die." "Kayla, hates you." Awe don't cry you dumb b----- "Kayla she, she thinks you're nuts." "Keep slicing your wrist." "Oh, what a good girl you are." "Oh, you wanna **** yourself?" "Good! No one will miss you, ever." "Kayla would die laughing." I scream out for them to stop but it just gets worst. They fill my head with sickening lies. Please help me. I don't know how much I can take anymore."

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Jul 13, 2013

Jul 13, 2013 at 2:02 AM UTC

Voices

Get these voices out of my head I can't get them out Help me They're making me crazy, they're making me change My heart beats fast, I feel like i'm dying That's when they attack "Die, you ugly ***** "You're so stupid. Nobody will EVER love you." "Laura, she doesn't like you, she thinks you should die." "Kayla, hates you." Awe don't cry you dumb b----- "Kayla she, she thinks you're nuts." "Keep slicing your wrist." "Oh, what a good girl you are." "Oh, you wanna **** yourself?" "Good! No one will miss you, ever." "Kayla would die laughing." I scream out for them to stop but it just gets worst. They fill my head with sickening lies. Please help me. I don't know how much I can take anymore."

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