That glass piece,
fitting so perfectly
into my palm.
Smooth, cold, round,
holding my hand tighter than any ex-lover before.
That ginger kiss upon my lips,
sending smoke to hug my lungs.
Those IV bags dripping of happiness,
shooting euphoria through my bloodstream.
Anything to keep me from feeling numb.
Anything to prolong my inevitable fall,
back to my own personal purgatory.
Oct 21, 2020
Oct 21, 2020 at 8:30 PM UTC
Please calm my racing heart.
Subside the blood rushing to my cheeks.
Silence the butterflies,
whose wings flap so violently in my stomach.
Holding my voice hostage,
I'd like to take it back
Mar 2, 2020
Mar 2, 2020 at 3:13 PM UTC
The urge to pick up the blade has become stronger
All my strength is drained and my feelings hit me harder
Pushing em away because I told you I was better
Showing you a different face, **** it's just the weather
A different time, a different cloud
A different daydream to shut out
What else am I supposed to say
Been lying since the very first day
Cut off all my ties
No one notices the lost lines
Time to disappear
I'm sorry for the last time
Nov 17, 2016
Nov 17, 2016 at 11:21 PM UTC
I want to write about you.
I want to write about how I order coffee now just to be reminded of your eyes.
I want to write about you.
I want to write about how your dimples make me melt into a puddle as you smile.
I want to write about you.
I want to write about how although you're lanky and your height is awkward, you still fit perfectly with me.
I want to write about you.
I want to write about how when you grip my hair in your hands as you kiss me it makes my body want more.
I want to write about you.
I want to write about how you're different from every other one I've ever been with, different from every other I've ever run away from.
I want to write about you.
I want to write about how gentle you were when you touched me, when you held me, when you looked at me.
I want to write about you.
I want to write about the way you looked at me, the way you looked at me as if love could exist, as if love does exist.
I want to write about you.
I want to write about how since I lost you this is the only way I can still have you.
Sep 9, 2016
Sep 9, 2016 at 9:51 PM UTC
I don't want you to be just another body in my body count.
Just another set of lips that placed longing upon my finger tips.
I don't want you to be just another lesson that taught me that there's more colors in the rainbow than the green and blue I have been accustomed to.
Just another set of eyes that have turned all other colors into a boring tv show.
I don't want you to be just another could have been, should have been, would have been.
Just another sorry excuse for how scared I've always been.
I don't want you to be just another liking.
Just another failed attempt at loving.
I don't want you to be just another name.
Just another ***** up and I'm the only one to blame.
Sep 5, 2016
Sep 5, 2016 at 1:29 PM UTC
I let my insecurities get the best of me
Maybe that's why I keep so many of you next to me
I just want someone to show me why they're the best for me
Just want someone to prove why I should leave the game and just have them lay next to me
Instead of sitting here and playing all these boys in front of me
Baby I'm really trying for you because I'm obsessed with the way you kiss me
But I really like the way that he misses me
And I really like those moments when I catch him with his eyes on me
And I'm scared that if I let you see all of me you'll hate me
And I don't want to feel vulnerable because that ain't me
So I'll push you aside until you start to hate me
Then you'll see how my insecurities have shaped me.
Aug 30, 2016
Aug 30, 2016 at 11:03 PM UTC
1. When I wouldn’t let you kiss me in public because I was uncomfortable.
2. When I said no because I wasn't ready.
3. When I got worried because you would never text back.
4. When I was sad.
5. When I was sad.
6. When I was sad.
7. When my happiness was an inconvenience for you.
8. When I was too clingy.
9. When I wasn't clingy enough.
10. When I stopped loving you.
Aug 23, 2016
Aug 23, 2016 at 10:28 PM UTC
I wasn't supposed to love you.
But here I am.
Barely able to breathe because your words were nothing but empty promises.
Silently crying as I scroll through months of old memories that once seemed perfect but are nothing more than bittersweet dreams.
Feeling the numb emptiness in my chest because I was too scared, because I wasn't enough.
Hating myself because I have no right to feel heartbroken over our situation.
Begging myself to stop because I know better, so why can't I do better?
I wasn't supposed to love you.
You were never mine to love.
Jul 27, 2016
Jul 27, 2016 at 5:18 AM UTC
You told me you cared.
And I asked you, why?
With your hands holding tight to my wrists you said,
No one deserves to go down that dark road.
Not alone at least.
I'm not dragging you down with me so I pushed you away.
Too late, you replied.
As we began falling.
I've already followed you down the rabbit hole, you said while smiling.
Jul 25, 2016
Jul 25, 2016 at 2:03 AM UTC
You flash me that smirk I know way too well.
One that I have tried to shield myself from but have failed miserably.
I thought avoiding you was moving on.
I thought being with someone else was moving on.
But when you walked back into my life and decided to tell me you miss me, I was reeled back in.
Your voice, your laugh, the colour of your eyes, the prominent shape of your jawline; they were all my thoughts could circle.
Everything I thought I had forgotten about you came in and drowned me, reminding me of all the suppressed feelings I tried not to show.
You were my temptations.
And a hug turned into begging for a kiss.
And begging for a kiss turned into explaining I had a boyfriend.
And explaining I had a boyfriend turned into wondering, if it really came down to it, who would I choose?
But then my brain starts to kick in and tell me no.
It tells me what could have been.
What should have been.
What wouldn't have been.
Jul 23, 2016
Jul 23, 2016 at 11:24 PM UTC