He’s relentless,
and persistent.
Making comment after comment;
always squeezing it into
the conversation no matter
the topic.
Usually I give in just so
I can eventually be left alone
when we’re done.
I love being wanted,
I love feeling desired.
I appreciate having an active
fun *** life,
but sometimes I want to
be seen as more.
My ex and I knew every little detail
about each other because we spent
a lot of our time together just talking.
To me that was way more intimate.
7d ago
May 27, 2026 at 7:37 PM UTC
There’s a famous painting
called The blue hole
that a man made a long time ago
when he sat in a shaded spot
at the end of a rushing river.
The landscape has changed a lot
since then but the quiet grandiosity
is still there.
Ive been struggling with
leaving my house.
It started about a year ago when
my brain decided we are only safe
inside.
I can go to work and the grocery store
but going any farther
feels dangerous and uncertain.
Almost like I’m not allowed
to leave.
Maybe I’m also
changing like a riverbed.
Shrinking, expanding,
but still going.
So it must clear up ahead,
up there it could be smooth
sailing.
Apr 29
Apr 29, 2026 at 11:13 AM UTC
I think I was more of a believer
than I ever wanted to admit
because I really thought
God obviously has something great
planned for me.
Why else would he have saved me
from a life of being paralyzed
at just one year old while hundreds
of others weren’t so lucky.
Plus I had a really rough childhood
so of course; right.
I would imagine what that meant.
Maybe an epic romance
of travel, and fun.
Then we’d buy a big beautiful house
in the country and have a few kids.
Or I’d be a successful writer in the city,
doing what I loved with a big group
of girl friends who are always there for each other.
But I’m 31 now.
And life didn’t go like that at all.
I stayed in my home town,
I got into bad relationships with men
who didn’t like me, let alone want to marry me or have children with me.
I became an addict and an alcoholic
for tens years.
Still am, just sober now.
And I am terrified to even leave my house
or drive on the interstate
so traveling isn’t an option.
Not that I have the money.
So idk. Maybe God still does have
something in mind. I just have to keep waiting
Apr 23
Apr 23, 2026 at 1:41 PM UTC
I think about a feeling I had
in my early twenties,
when I lived in New Hope
in my first apartment.
Times were hard but in a normal way
back then.
Groceries were not unattainable
And rent was only 400$ a month.
I remember I used to thrift a lot
and get a fun drink
from Starbucks and that was enough.
Life was overwhelming
but I didn’t feel defeated,
in fact I felt hopeful.
I don’t know if I was just naive
or if I’m jaded now.
But I remember a gloomy day
in late September on my way to
Goodwill, excited to get a pumpkin
spice latte for the first time that year.
Apr 23
Apr 23, 2026 at 1:22 PM UTC
I’m angry all the time.
I’m sad all the time.
I could go get on meds again
and feel a tiny bit less mad
and have acceptance for this
small insignificant life I live
but that won’t change anything.
Besides the pills have never
worked anyway.
They’re not strong enough,
I guess I don’t come across as believable.
There’s no way I present as “fine”
I think it’s more invisible.
Apr 23
Apr 23, 2026 at 1:10 PM UTC
The weather today is the kind
you wistfully dream of when
another month of hard cold arrives.
Windows open, maybe 65 degrees
and it’s raining.
The sound of cars passing on wet roads,
and birds chirping in the trees.
It’s the kind of day that kind of
gives you an excuse to watch a movie,
and snack on whatever you feel
like making.
But going out for dinner
and some Pokemon cards
later is definitely an option.
Apr 18
Apr 18, 2026 at 12:17 PM UTC
Today at work I mentioned that
I would love to live out of an
Rv or camper van some day.
A woman I work with said,
I can totally see that for you and I love it.
It fits your vibe.
It was one of the nicest things
a person has said to me in awhile.
Cuz she saw me.
She can see ME ya know.
Lately I’ve been wondering
If I’m invisible,
but of course it just takes
a woman to let you know
you are here.
Mar 19
Mar 19, 2026 at 8:56 PM UTC
I will be 31 soon.
I feel ready to take care of myself,
although I don’t always know how.
But I know I’d like to see
myself smile more.
I used to romanticize
the way the light came in
through the window in the
afternoon,
and relish small quiet moments.
Those moments have felt
like years lately.
I grieve the party girl from the past,
the one who gained a reputation
at the local spots.
One day I closed up the shell.
Decided not to open up anymore,
only give people brief ideas.
But the only one who is trapped
is me.
Mar 14
Mar 14, 2026 at 7:06 PM UTC
I still feel suffocated
by things I can’t control.
I still feel scared all the time.
These thoughts race in and out all day
controlling my appetite,
my attention and my emotions.
I am real good at managing it
and hiding it
but I can’t figure out how to
stop it
Mar 11
Mar 11, 2026 at 1:14 PM UTC
Sometimes I think,
oh it’s not that bad.
And then I remember,
I have been “sad” almost
every day of my life.
I am a rain cloud,
if I were a care bear I would
be grumpy bear.
The depression has eaten
so much of my brain,
I can’t remember anything,
it took my personality,
my ability to speak.
But god ****** I’m so tired
of it.
I’m bored.
This character *****
I want a redo.
Jan 21
Jan 21, 2026 at 8:07 PM UTC