two weeks ago we had our not-breakup
and though i do not miss you
it’s not like i can help the way i don’t steal glances at you
the way that i don’t feel an ache in my chest
when you laugh from across the room
no, i definitely do not think about you all the time
and i certainly do not wonder if you miss me
you would never catch me dreaming about us being fixed
no, you would never catch me mourning
this not-relationship
after this not-breakup
Feb 25, 2020
Feb 25, 2020 at 11:43 AM UTC
your laugh echoes in my memory
gentle and sweet
both things you are not
then again, someone’s joy looks nothing like their sorrow.
Feb 25, 2020
Feb 25, 2020 at 11:42 AM UTC
you were like cigarette smoke
i breathed you in
and blew you out
and in your wake
you left a feeling like no other
as you made it harder to breathe
as my lungs turned black
and my cells died
there’s beauty in pleasant destruction
Feb 13, 2020
Feb 13, 2020 at 9:40 AM UTC
oh, your love has leeched my pitiful soul
****** the life from my bones and broke my heart
sending me reeling, lost, out of control
what a let down, you were my brand new start
you were the universe, i was a speck
you left me at my worst, used me at best
broke my heart to pieces, left me a wreck
how can i tell of this ache in my chest
but when the mourning comes and goes, i will
have known you, as your true nature grows forth
somehow, you’ve managed to destroy and ****
yet, my hope for a new ending unearths
when you decided to forsake my love
i wrote this poem in memory of.
Jan 30, 2020
Jan 30, 2020 at 9:55 AM UTC
I prayed that you would show up for me
but, oh, what a foolish wish
my sixteenth birthday, not a word from you
not that it's your fault
you're busy
i get it
but god how i wish
i wasn't waking up from fifteen
the year i met you
the year you changed me
the year that belonged to you is fading like a sweet dream
you wished me into
each year before your's came and went
but your's lingered
before finally passing on
without words
with empty promises
fifteen went quietly
softly
unlike it came
unlike i am
as sixteen comes into its own
Jan 22, 2020
Jan 22, 2020 at 10:10 PM UTC
i climb into the shower
after seeing you for the first time in a month
and i sit and cry
as the water streams down my back
and down the drain
i thought i missed you
so what the hell was tonight?
oh it’s all wrong
i thought i missed you
but turns out that i miss the way you made me feel
but change has a habit of bringing out the worst in me
so i’m sorry if i seemed sad
because i don’t love you like i used to
sorry it didn’t feel the same
because i’m just upside-down and backwards now
Sep 22, 2019
Sep 22, 2019 at 11:09 AM UTC
i stood tall
you saw me
you begged for me
to return
so return i did
and so as simply as things fell apart
they came back together
you wanted me around
i wanted me around
couldn’t be simpler than that.
May 15, 2019
May 15, 2019 at 1:05 PM UTC
you
anxiety
better than me
leader? you ask
i nod quietly
your arms
my tears
my arms
my fears
opening up
feet step out of time
first dance of many
your car
how are you?
a quiet “good” from the passenger seat.
“you give me hope”
i give you hope
“you make life good”
i make life good
breakdowns & friendly forehead kisses
ranting and food at your house
smiling.
laughing.
breaking.
standing up.
bad decisions.
anger.
anxiety.
my mom’s car
not saying goodbye.
one week.
your face
heart drops.
two weeks.
new york
old times
three weeks.
distance
your words?
world stops.
one month.
“keep your head up”
i keep my head up
“keep holding on”
i keep holding on.
but i don’t do it for you
my friend
i do it for
me
Apr 26, 2019
Apr 26, 2019 at 2:16 PM UTC
you aren’t gone yet
even after a month of radio silence
even after a month of hurt
even after the worst month that these eyes have ever seen
and these hands have ever held
when you see me, you still tell me to keep my head up
so keep my head up i will.
i will raise my head higher than the clouds
because who i am to say that i can’t?
who am i to tell you that i’m not strong?
you already know how fragile i am
you know that i can shatter like glass
slowly the cracks form
but quickly i shatter and fall to the floor like a waterfall of broken shards.
you aren’t gone yet,
but the immeasurable distance between us makes it impossible to see you
even when you’re right in front of me.
you once told me that i’m the kind of person that makes life worth living.
but what you don’t know is that i don’t know how to live without you anymore.
so tell me how i can keep my head up
when i fall to my knees every i think about you for too long
one mention of you name sends a chill down my spine and tears to my eyes.
one resurfacing memory is enough to send me into a panic attack
so how the hell can i keep my head up?
you aren’t gone yet,
but the shelter you gave me is.
i am out in the open
unarmed
defenseless.
my shield is down
so i guess all i can do is keep my head up
Apr 24, 2019
Apr 24, 2019 at 9:28 PM UTC
oh my lighthouse
i’m in troubled water now
and i need your light in my life
the deep sea’s current is currently pulling me away from you
so please
shine your light on me
and find me back to shore
Apr 7, 2019
Apr 7, 2019 at 8:57 PM UTC