I want to die so badly
It's an ache in my chest that wont seem to pass
It's the pinprick of nerves asleep after too long at rest
It's a lion staring me down, baring it's hungry teeth through bulletproof glass
I'll look at my reflection and think "you are supposed to be dead by now"
My reflection flares it's nostrils and curls it's lips over it's teeth
I am the lion
I am the glass
I am myself
Jul 13, 2021
Jul 13, 2021 at 10:55 PM UTC
I sit inside a body in blood that isnt my own. There are voices calling out a name, a name attached to this vessel. It's not mine.
I am conscious of my state, this sentience pains me.
I know what's out there. I know my potential, what I could be. This barrier of skin and blood prevents me. It hurts.
I'll sit in this shell of a body to be perceived by those who happen to pass by. Wading in blood that isnt my own, with skin like marble begging to be carved into, and I won't mind.
This body isnt my body, my body is inside.
Apr 18, 2021
Apr 18, 2021 at 12:53 AM UTC
Oh how silly for a heart to yearn for a home that doesnt exist
For a chest to ache with the sickness that one only gets when they've traveled too far
For a soul to feel as though it were born in the wrong universe
For hands to tingle with idle magic at their fingertips
Until it overflows, onto a page, into a song, over pillows and sheets as tears cascade and stain and drown
Oh how tragic for Hiraeth to take hold
Oct 29, 2020
Oct 29, 2020 at 6:03 AM UTC
I still lay with my back pressed against the wall
A habit I learned from the two times you slept in my bed
And a habit I need to unlearn
Jun 10, 2020
Jun 10, 2020 at 4:40 AM UTC
There are moments where I am painfully aware of my existence.
Of the things around me.
I start to feel like I'm floating.
I'm suddenly very aware of the tiny screen I'm holding, how my fingers move across the keys, how small it is and how tiny I am.
It's dizzying.
Apr 25, 2020
Apr 25, 2020 at 6:15 PM UTC
just because you're 'over it'
doesn't mean that it hurt any less
Apr 25, 2020
Apr 25, 2020 at 6:01 PM UTC
I want to scream.
I want to pull my hair
And slam my head into the wall
And bite my lip off
And scream
But I'll cry
I'll cry so silently you wont be able to hear
Not unless you pay attention
Not unless you read between the lines
Not unless you feel the pain in every word I say or type
I want to scream
So I'll cry instead
Apr 18, 2020
Apr 18, 2020 at 4:54 AM UTC
Heres to the lovers
Heres to the ones who have never felt the same love mirrored back
Heres to the ones who love one another
Heres to the ones who have never seen themselves depicted in media
Heres to the ones who have seen themselves depicted in media, only to be killed off when the directors think that your story is over
Heres to the ones who love like no other
To the ones who love books on a rainy day, who love sipping coffee looking out a store window, who love staring up into the vast blue of an afternoon sky
Heres to the ones who love
Heres to the ones who try to love themselves
To the ones who try to love themselves because nobody will do it for them
To the ones who cradle their own face
To the ones who rub their thumb over their own cheek
Who toy with their own hair
Who hug themselves tight
Who hug pillows and blankets and walls
Who hug friends, family
Who will hug strangers
Heres to the lovers who will put the ******* spider back outside
Heres to the lovers
Apr 18, 2020
Apr 18, 2020 at 4:47 AM UTC
Lay me under the night sky and I'll make a home within the stars
I'll find solace in the faint wind-chimes echoing into oblivion
I'll make tunes from the passing cars going 25 through puddles
I'll sing to the rattling of the leaves doing somersaults in the wind
I'll dance to the howling of the wind blowing through the trees and houses
I'll look up into the endless void of the sky and close my eyes
I'll wait for the moon to call me home
Jan 9, 2020
Jan 9, 2020 at 7:20 PM UTC