organic_alfredo - Hello Poetry

I don’t want to beg for you To love me; But I gave you so many pieces of me And one of those was my pride. Now they’re stockpiled in your storehouse- Or maybe you threw them away.. You threw me away- No that’s not true- I argue with myself over you; How can I see your face Your texts Your pictures How can I speak to you? I don’t want to talk But I can’t stand your silence, it feels violent I feel assaulted by the words you won’t say And the feelings you took away, right when I needed them most And I want to forgive you but once more I feel Abandoned. It’s not fair because you’re not physically there but I find you Striding through my mind like you own the place Give me space Give me room to breathe, so I can suffocate in peace Oxygen feels like it’s clogging my throat And stifling my mind, I’m walking in a haze Today’s the first day of what will be many days Without you.

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Jul 18, 2020

Jul 18, 2020 at 1:25 PM UTC

Goodbye

I don’t want to beg for you To love me; But I gave you so many pieces of me And one of those was my pride. Now they’re stockpiled in your storehouse- Or maybe you threw them away.. You threw me away- No that’s not true- I argue with myself over you; How can I see your face Your texts Your pictures How can I speak to you? I don’t want to talk But I can’t stand your silence, it feels violent I feel assaulted by the words you won’t say And the feelings you took away, right when I needed them most And I want to forgive you but once more I feel Abandoned. It’s not fair because you’re not physically there but I find you Striding through my mind like you own the place Give me space Give me room to breathe, so I can suffocate in peace Oxygen feels like it’s clogging my throat And stifling my mind, I’m walking in a haze Today’s the first day of what will be many days Without you.

27

Do you see yourself As something worth fighting for? I don’t know why I’m okay With choosing the path of least resistance When the path leads me to people Who diminish my existence, And I let them I let them shrink me till I’m small enough for them to stomach And I don’t protest when I’m eaten alive Because I’ve already been eaten up inside By the idea that being small Is better than not being loved at all Maybe that’s not the right way to think But that’s the cup I’ve been drinking from Since I was smaller in stature and larger in heart Until those thoughts tore me apart. I’m consumed not just by them but by ideas That tell me that others being able to stand me Is better than standing for myself- And it’s better than asking for help. They might say it’s better to stand alone But they don’t tell you how lonely it gets When the people that should be standing with you Have left you alone in the spotlight and you’re burning Standing in the midst of people’s glares while the ones that loved you continue to stare and you realize- They were never there. How can I stand for myself when these thoughts, They keep tripping me up? I wish I could drink from a different cup. I’m drowning in your opinions of me and who you want me to be- And who I am. Who am I? I don’t seem to know, because I’ve taken pieces of you Stuck them to me with the strongest glue Take those pieces away, and what will I be? Will there be anything left of me? These are the things I think in the night When dead thoughts rise again to haunt me. Who could I be? Will I ever know me? I’ve gotten lost on the path of least resistance And I’ve taken your hand at your insistence And you lead me further into the dark, Until I can’t tell where you end and I begin How can I win?

0

Mar 28, 2020

Mar 28, 2020 at 2:17 AM UTC

The Road Less Traveled

Do you see yourself As something worth fighting for? I don’t know why I’m okay With choosing the path of least resistance When the path leads me to people Who diminish my existence, And I let them I let them shrink me till I’m small enough for them to stomach And I don’t protest when I’m eaten alive Because I’ve already been eaten up inside By the idea that being small Is better than not being loved at all Maybe that’s not the right way to think But that’s the cup I’ve been drinking from Since I was smaller in stature and larger in heart Until those thoughts tore me apart. I’m consumed not just by them but by ideas That tell me that others being able to stand me Is better than standing for myself- And it’s better than asking for help. They might say it’s better to stand alone But they don’t tell you how lonely it gets When the people that should be standing with you Have left you alone in the spotlight and you’re burning Standing in the midst of people’s glares while the ones that loved you continue to stare and you realize- They were never there. How can I stand for myself when these thoughts, They keep tripping me up? I wish I could drink from a different cup. I’m drowning in your opinions of me and who you want me to be- And who I am. Who am I? I don’t seem to know, because I’ve taken pieces of you Stuck them to me with the strongest glue Take those pieces away, and what will I be? Will there be anything left of me? These are the things I think in the night When dead thoughts rise again to haunt me. Who could I be? Will I ever know me? I’ve gotten lost on the path of least resistance And I’ve taken your hand at your insistence And you lead me further into the dark, Until I can’t tell where you end and I begin How can I win?

45

I want you and I’m sorry Because I’m just selfish enough To keep you Even when I know it hurts me I don’t have strength to release you. You take all of the pain Like a needle in my spine Feel it coursing through my veins Until the day that I die Let’s see- Which one will be first? Will I crush your will to live? Even though I keep on taking I just really want to give So I save your life again In an act of chivalry But knowing all the while That these acts are just for me Because as long as you’re alive You can still give to me And as long as you’re alive I know that you’ll live for me And you’ll give me, forgive me, but just know you won’t outlive me- Happiness will be the one thing that you won’t see! But take a step back and relive those last few words Realize that you’re the only one who can keep things from getting worse! But you can’t cause you’re bad, Doesn’t that make you sad? It’s okay to admit it You know I like to make you mad And if you’re feeling really sassy Why not throw a couple plates? Twist your arm until it breaks Yell in everyone’s face And then watch your world shake As you come down from the high- It’s all your fault, Yet you call me the bad guy? Nobody likes you, You’re easily replaced They’re better off without you always Being in their face and The worlds better off If you just get erased And you want that, don’t you? You know you’re just a waste You ruin all your friendships And your family doesn’t want you And though you try to do things right All your mistakes seem to haunt you So why do you keep trying? When you say you’re fine you’re lying There’s no reason for denying That’s why I just keep prying! I think it’s time to go And I think you know that too You know that everyone Would be better without you. All we want to do, is pretend to help you, And if you don’t want our help, We can make a round two And remind you how you’re worthless And how useless you can be, If you look at things our way Maybe then you’ll finally see And we'll show you the right way, So you can die through the day Where’s the fun in finding joy in your life, Anyway?

0

Mar 28, 2020

Mar 28, 2020 at 2:16 AM UTC

Inner Thoughts

I want you and I’m sorry Because I’m just selfish enough To keep you Even when I know it hurts me I don’t have strength to release you. You take all of the pain Like a needle in my spine Feel it coursing through my veins Until the day that I die Let’s see- Which one will be first? Will I crush your will to live? Even though I keep on taking I just really want to give So I save your life again In an act of chivalry But knowing all the while That these acts are just for me Because as long as you’re alive You can still give to me And as long as you’re alive I know that you’ll live for me And you’ll give me, forgive me, but just know you won’t outlive me- Happiness will be the one thing that you won’t see! But take a step back and relive those last few words Realize that you’re the only one who can keep things from getting worse! But you can’t cause you’re bad, Doesn’t that make you sad? It’s okay to admit it You know I like to make you mad And if you’re feeling really sassy Why not throw a couple plates? Twist your arm until it breaks Yell in everyone’s face And then watch your world shake As you come down from the high- It’s all your fault, Yet you call me the bad guy? Nobody likes you, You’re easily replaced They’re better off without you always Being in their face and The worlds better off If you just get erased And you want that, don’t you? You know you’re just a waste You ruin all your friendships And your family doesn’t want you And though you try to do things right All your mistakes seem to haunt you So why do you keep trying? When you say you’re fine you’re lying There’s no reason for denying That’s why I just keep prying! I think it’s time to go And I think you know that too You know that everyone Would be better without you. All we want to do, is pretend to help you, And if you don’t want our help, We can make a round two And remind you how you’re worthless And how useless you can be, If you look at things our way Maybe then you’ll finally see And we'll show you the right way, So you can die through the day Where’s the fun in finding joy in your life, Anyway?

70

I don’t think I belong here Stuffed on a stage and forced to perform Strings holding my cheeks, no choice But to open my mouth and smile. Everyone seems to know the routine but me I cant hear the music So I limp and sputter through my own chorus Pretending to be in sync, While hilariously outdone. I look foolish. Trying to be as good as those around me Trying to match my steps to their beat What can I do? They possess the stage I have no choice but to accommodate Move over for everyone Hope someone will take my place.. One day, just maybe Someone will pull me from this act Take off my strings and see me And maybe even, love me But that is just wishful thinking For a puppet in a play.

0

Mar 28, 2020

Mar 28, 2020 at 2:08 AM UTC

The Stage

I don’t think I belong here Stuffed on a stage and forced to perform Strings holding my cheeks, no choice But to open my mouth and smile. Everyone seems to know the routine but me I cant hear the music So I limp and sputter through my own chorus Pretending to be in sync, While hilariously outdone. I look foolish. Trying to be as good as those around me Trying to match my steps to their beat What can I do? They possess the stage I have no choice but to accommodate Move over for everyone Hope someone will take my place.. One day, just maybe Someone will pull me from this act Take off my strings and see me And maybe even, love me But that is just wishful thinking For a puppet in a play.

24

How can I function With my brain telling me every day, I need to go away How can I wake up Get out of bed and believe That today will be better than yesterday When lines between the days Have blurred and faded I’m losing time Losing sleep Losing hope Dragged around by my ankles Because life won’t let me go No matter how much I don’t want to be here. I cant seem to leave- And I can’t seem to live. Stuck in limbo Between hating where I am And not going anywhere else. I stay alive for you And you And you And you alone Even when I feel alone. And even though you hold me here I think you’d be better off if maybe I just disappeared If I never existed at all, would anyone notice? Would anyone care? I don’t think they would, and that wouldn’t be hard to bear If only I could forget The days you needed me. I can't say I’ll always be here Because I feel them dragging me under The days when my head slips below Becoming ever more frequent Those moments, when I can’t breathe; Then you grab me by my aching wrists And you pull me above water Shake the liquid from my lungs And beg me to stay alive- If only so we can be rescued together. Is it worth it? Am I worth it? I don’t think I can answer that, because My facts, they’re biased Jaded by the days When you weren’t there to hold my hand. I still can’t trust You won’t steal the lifeboat Leave me to sink down to the ocean floor. Too many people Have left me stranded in the water And didn’t stay to watch While I slipped under the tide. You’re my life raft Keeping me afloat Even when I’d rather drown- Even when my hope dies You keep my body alive. I suppose that’s all I can hope for In a world drowned in tears.

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Mar 28, 2020

Mar 28, 2020 at 2:05 AM UTC

Saving, Drowning

How can I function With my brain telling me every day, I need to go away How can I wake up Get out of bed and believe That today will be better than yesterday When lines between the days Have blurred and faded I’m losing time Losing sleep Losing hope Dragged around by my ankles Because life won’t let me go No matter how much I don’t want to be here. I cant seem to leave- And I can’t seem to live. Stuck in limbo Between hating where I am And not going anywhere else. I stay alive for you And you And you And you alone Even when I feel alone. And even though you hold me here I think you’d be better off if maybe I just disappeared If I never existed at all, would anyone notice? Would anyone care? I don’t think they would, and that wouldn’t be hard to bear If only I could forget The days you needed me. I can't say I’ll always be here Because I feel them dragging me under The days when my head slips below Becoming ever more frequent Those moments, when I can’t breathe; Then you grab me by my aching wrists And you pull me above water Shake the liquid from my lungs And beg me to stay alive- If only so we can be rescued together. Is it worth it? Am I worth it? I don’t think I can answer that, because My facts, they’re biased Jaded by the days When you weren’t there to hold my hand. I still can’t trust You won’t steal the lifeboat Leave me to sink down to the ocean floor. Too many people Have left me stranded in the water And didn’t stay to watch While I slipped under the tide. You’re my life raft Keeping me afloat Even when I’d rather drown- Even when my hope dies You keep my body alive. I suppose that’s all I can hope for In a world drowned in tears.

62

I hate you For making me believe I’m a burden Even if it’s true Even if I despise myself More than you could ever hate me I hate you For making me believe I don’t deserve love For making me question Any happiness that comes my way I hate you Because you made it easy for me To hate myself You made it easy To believe I should be punished For ever existing in the first place I cant form any lasting bonds I cant trust that everyone I meet Isn’t prone to walk away at any moment And it’s because you made it easy For me to believe I am hard to love And easy to leave And the worst part is I do believe it now And the worst part is That I love you anyway.

0

Mar 28, 2020

Mar 28, 2020 at 2:04 AM UTC

I hate you

I hate you For making me believe I’m a burden Even if it’s true Even if I despise myself More than you could ever hate me I hate you For making me believe I don’t deserve love For making me question Any happiness that comes my way I hate you Because you made it easy for me To hate myself You made it easy To believe I should be punished For ever existing in the first place I cant form any lasting bonds I cant trust that everyone I meet Isn’t prone to walk away at any moment And it’s because you made it easy For me to believe I am hard to love And easy to leave And the worst part is I do believe it now And the worst part is That I love you anyway.

25

I wish I’d made you shut me out sooner. I wish I’d never told you what hurts me, I wish I’d never hurt you. I wish I’d never ruined everything Once again, When it’s all I can seem to do. I wish you’d never met me But I’m so glad I met you. And I wouldn’t change that for the world Even when the world changes me. Even when the world swallows me. I wish it was easier to lose you Easier to let go. I wish I’d never let my heart out of its cage And I wish I’d never had to cage it. I wish I could remember who I was Before the world tried to change it. And most of all I wish, Even when it’s hard to do Most of all I wish, that I’ll never forget you.

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Mar 28, 2020

Mar 28, 2020 at 2:03 AM UTC

Wishes 2

I wish I’d made you shut me out sooner. I wish I’d never told you what hurts me, I wish I’d never hurt you. I wish I’d never ruined everything Once again, When it’s all I can seem to do. I wish you’d never met me But I’m so glad I met you. And I wouldn’t change that for the world Even when the world changes me. Even when the world swallows me. I wish it was easier to lose you Easier to let go. I wish I’d never let my heart out of its cage And I wish I’d never had to cage it. I wish I could remember who I was Before the world tried to change it. And most of all I wish, Even when it’s hard to do Most of all I wish, that I’ll never forget you.

20

I wish that I could go away. And I wish that when I went away, The pieces of me I left with you, I wish those would go away too. I wish that every speck of sunlight That fell upon my skin Every breath of air Left behind from my mouth And every dream of touch That lingered on your fingers- I wish they’d go with me. I don’t want you to remember me I don’t want to cause you pain- More pain than I extend Even from my presence; I don’t want to leave a mark On your otherwise spotless record A mote of dust On an otherwise polished frame; I want to disappear Like the clouds from in front of the sun Like the rain from a clear blue sky Like my darkness impeding your light... I’m sorry that I brought you with me Down to the depths of darkness Where my soul deigns to dwell I’m sorry I suffocated you Ruined you Buried you When all I wanted to do Was breathe you in And start afresh.

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Mar 28, 2020

Mar 28, 2020 at 2:02 AM UTC

Wishes

I wish that I could go away. And I wish that when I went away, The pieces of me I left with you, I wish those would go away too. I wish that every speck of sunlight That fell upon my skin Every breath of air Left behind from my mouth And every dream of touch That lingered on your fingers- I wish they’d go with me. I don’t want you to remember me I don’t want to cause you pain- More pain than I extend Even from my presence; I don’t want to leave a mark On your otherwise spotless record A mote of dust On an otherwise polished frame; I want to disappear Like the clouds from in front of the sun Like the rain from a clear blue sky Like my darkness impeding your light... I’m sorry that I brought you with me Down to the depths of darkness Where my soul deigns to dwell I’m sorry I suffocated you Ruined you Buried you When all I wanted to do Was breathe you in And start afresh.

32

Best friends, forever. Does the comma signify A hesitation? A regret? Several regrets. Memories that keep the words from touching Ínstersecting Bleeding into one another. Even when the words forget, The comma remembers The space between us. Sometimes it grows wider, Sometimes it shrinks But there’s always Space- Keeping me separate from you. The period, at the end Is forever set in stone? But stone erodes It crumbles Just like we’ve started to. I cant remember who I was before you. If the period changed To an exclamation An expression of joy, without hesitation Would forever become a reality?... How long was forever for you? It still goes on for me But that comma, it pulls you back Keeps us double spaced. Punctuation has a memory More than you remember me; And maybe, one day, We can backspace Put a semicolon, just wait For the days when I’ll be more Than an empty space in your life.

0

Mar 28, 2020

Mar 28, 2020 at 2:01 AM UTC

Punctuation.

Best friends, forever. Does the comma signify A hesitation? A regret? Several regrets. Memories that keep the words from touching Ínstersecting Bleeding into one another. Even when the words forget, The comma remembers The space between us. Sometimes it grows wider, Sometimes it shrinks But there’s always Space- Keeping me separate from you. The period, at the end Is forever set in stone? But stone erodes It crumbles Just like we’ve started to. I cant remember who I was before you. If the period changed To an exclamation An expression of joy, without hesitation Would forever become a reality?... How long was forever for you? It still goes on for me But that comma, it pulls you back Keeps us double spaced. Punctuation has a memory More than you remember me; And maybe, one day, We can backspace Put a semicolon, just wait For the days when I’ll be more Than an empty space in your life.

37

I thought you understood me And I felt like I could really Lay myself bare for you Expose my soul to the elements Just for you to take a look And you made me feel as if Love was worth wanting Worth having If I could have it with you And now it hurts to say the words Because they bring back things I’ve trained myself to forget But I lie Because I will never forget I see your reflection In every mirror I pass And I still find pieces of you Floating in the abyss of me And every time I scream It’s your voice that echoes in my soul How could I have become So attached to a ghost I knew the consequences Because they’re always the same But I’d allow you to break me Just to feel you one last time And I never got a whisper of goodbye Not a wave or a touch or a taste Of you leaving Until you were gone And I won’t say it’s not fair Because you always said “Life isn’t fair” And I know it And I know it And I know it But I won’t believe it Because I want you so badly that I won’t allow it to be true But Realizing I’m not good enough Is a pain I’d rather lock deep inside Because for me Love will never be a reality Everyone leaves. No one tries. I know this; I breathe this And it fuels the kind of darkness That’s been hiding in my chest And it fuels the wailing apathy That’s been building in my heart Because you were my spotlight And now that you’re gone The shadows swallow me.

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Mar 19, 2019

Mar 19, 2019 at 12:29 AM UTC

Gone

I thought you understood me And I felt like I could really Lay myself bare for you Expose my soul to the elements Just for you to take a look And you made me feel as if Love was worth wanting Worth having If I could have it with you And now it hurts to say the words Because they bring back things I’ve trained myself to forget But I lie Because I will never forget I see your reflection In every mirror I pass And I still find pieces of you Floating in the abyss of me And every time I scream It’s your voice that echoes in my soul How could I have become So attached to a ghost I knew the consequences Because they’re always the same But I’d allow you to break me Just to feel you one last time And I never got a whisper of goodbye Not a wave or a touch or a taste Of you leaving Until you were gone And I won’t say it’s not fair Because you always said “Life isn’t fair” And I know it And I know it And I know it But I won’t believe it Because I want you so badly that I won’t allow it to be true But Realizing I’m not good enough Is a pain I’d rather lock deep inside Because for me Love will never be a reality Everyone leaves. No one tries. I know this; I breathe this And it fuels the kind of darkness That’s been hiding in my chest And it fuels the wailing apathy That’s been building in my heart Because you were my spotlight And now that you’re gone The shadows swallow me.

54