My anxiety sits next to me & it is not small & I am not capable of bottling it up & putting it on shelf, it would shatter the jar & collapse the shelf & I have to live with the fact that it’s not something you can just put away & that’s it always present & it’s always there & that I have to ignore it & contradict it & have to deal with it actively trying to ruin every shred of ******* happiness I have felt & I think I felt & should I have felt it? & my anxiety isn’t some entity I can kick out my house & block the number of & I can put in little ear plugs shaped like pills & those little ear plugs will just dull out that one specific droning some of the time & then I’ll notice that the other thing next to me is telling me to **** myself & the earplugs don’t work on that (they amplify it & that’s so weird) & it makes some pretty compelling arguments & that’s really scary & so I take out my ear buds out so I can drown that out with my anxiety counteracting those arguments & sometimes they synch up & that’s even better & I’m just letting them chip away at me & I’m chipping away at me until there’s nothing left & what isn’t left? & in addition & also & including &
&
&
&
Nov 23, 2022
Nov 23, 2022 at 4:40 AM UTC
Continue, maintain, attempt to preserve something that cannot be kept while lamenting the fact it isn’t possible.
Spend your whole life obsessed with the mystery of death & have it be the final answer to your fruitless questions.
We’re all in this fever dream together, but everyone is in their individual beds asleep & that’s where they will always be.
Forever, until forever falls apart, because of all things, that has the shortest half-life.
Nov 11, 2022
Nov 11, 2022 at 2:18 AM UTC
I am not an empty vase for you to collect your dead flowers in.
May 13, 2017
May 13, 2017 at 12:29 PM UTC
You are your whole universe
Infinite & complex
With vast space for
What makes you to reside
Although your broadness can
Feel empty, too extensive & lonely
You are limitless, boundless,
Imperfectly organized chaos
Let yourself surround you,
But never drown you.
Mar 10, 2016
Mar 10, 2016 at 10:37 AM UTC
Time creeps by here
Lazily waving goodbye, dear
And it slides agonizingly near
Before moving on to the next year
Jan 26, 2016
Jan 26, 2016 at 2:53 PM UTC
We ride down streets I don't know
With Spanish rock on the stereo
The street lamps are strange shades
I close my eyes as everything fades
I think of all the things I want to be
All the women I could see
You can call me before I go to sleep
And I'll listen to your voice through my dreams
Aug 2, 2015
Aug 2, 2015 at 2:12 AM UTC
I'm so angry at you
For what you do to me
As if you could ever see
How I've become so blurry
Trying & failing to meet
You're watery priorities
I'm black & white baby
And you're making my ink bleed
Jul 25, 2015
Jul 25, 2015 at 11:05 AM UTC
You were shining in the shade
As the dusk began to fade
I had to turn to you and say,
'Can it always be this way?'
The question never left my lips
And as the sun began to dip
Your eyes were completely lit
All I could do was photosynthesize you.
Jul 14, 2015
Jul 14, 2015 at 12:39 AM UTC
I am not built for love
I can't keep you warm
The fireplace in my chest
Is soaking wet
From the water that drips
Through my moonlit
Jagged holes
Beautiful to you
In some long forgotten way
You won't stay
In a rain stained skeleton
A visitor in a museum
I'll make a pretty photo
For you to look back on
When you go
All that will remain will be
Trampled leaves and high ceilings
A shadow in the trees
Jul 10, 2015
Jul 10, 2015 at 8:21 PM UTC
So many things have happened since I last spoke
I've been flickering in and out of vision
Like someone with a box of matches
On a windy day
Instead of attempting to let oxygen relieve me,
I'm suffocated by the incessant smoking
But burn as I may, I only can become
A pile of ashes
Jun 13, 2015
Jun 13, 2015 at 2:23 PM UTC