there are times where you feel so tired
you just need to shut yourself away
slip on your headphones
hearing nothing else but your music
taking some time away for yourself
being a little selfish
and stealing away a little time
so you can rest
and relax
and recoup
Mar 4, 2023
Mar 4, 2023 at 8:29 PM UTC
i cannot describe how thankful i am for my mother. she is the pillar i lean on when there are hard times and she is the one i share good news with. she is my counselor and friend. she is the glue that holds the family together. she gives and gives and gives and doesn’t expect anything in return. she delights in my delight and i can finally say that i know she is proud of me as I am finally following the Lord and the path He has for me. she’s always been proud of me and her love has never wavered, even when i was in my darkest times and when i was furthest from the Lord. she has always been there for me and i know that will never change.
May 10, 2020
May 10, 2020 at 1:50 PM UTC
here we go
it's starting
and i told myself it wouldn't
and yet
there's something
that's there and real
i can't help but think
think about what could be
i can't though
i made a commitment
i made a promise
i'm sticking to my guns
and yet
there's the allure
of the seemingly perfect fit
of how the humor melds
and the music and movies
and everything
that friendship
started all those years ago
that could develop into something more
with someone who sees me
truly sees me
my heart
my passion
my soul
and they're okay
they're okay with waiting
waiting for me
they see me
they know me
and they want me
and they're willing to wait
as long as it takes
it's been five years
five months more
isn't too long, right?
May 9, 2020
May 9, 2020 at 11:43 PM UTC
you stand there
uncertainty rising
anxiety building
flooding your veins
with a shaking arm
you raise your hand
a flare gun clutched
within your sweaty palm
fingers furling and unfurling
you know
it’s now or never
do it while you still
have the nerve
you’ve built up
mentally counting
‘one, two, three’
finger squeezing
body recoiling
from the impact
you did it
no going back now
the signal is out
landing who knows where
not knowing if
it’s even been seen
hope sparks with
the flash of the flare
the only unknown
is if someone saw
that spark and
wants to ignite
their own spark too
May 4, 2020
May 4, 2020 at 8:01 AM UTC
it is so wonderful
that even in these times
i can get together
and have time
with friends and mentors
that i have people
in my life
that i can lean on
they are the ones
to encourage me
and let me see how
they are doing
in all of this
for that
i am thankful
May 1, 2020
May 1, 2020 at 11:23 PM UTC
the two words
i've heard over and over
throughout this time
is 'strong and proud'
somehow, that's me.
it's not really though
that's not me at all
that's what i pretend to be
that's what i seek for
that's what i pray for
i get my strength
from the Lord
and through that
i can be proud
the ears that once
had turned away
have finally, finally
turned back to Him
actively seeking
and pursuing
the strength from Him
so i can be proud
in knowing what
i was made to do
Apr 30, 2020
Apr 30, 2020 at 1:22 PM UTC
he broke up with me today
well, not quite broke up.
he told me he's been thinking
dwelling, praying, pondering
about our relationship
our future and our paths.
he wants me to know
he still loves me
but he doesn't know
if he fell in love with me.
and so i am in a break
i am caught between
two planes
i am not single
i am not taken
until he makes up his mind
and i make up mine
dwelling, praying, pondering
about my own future
the golden boy
that i was so sure about
i am not so sure anymore
Apr 25, 2020
Apr 25, 2020 at 10:05 PM UTC
when will you realize
that you are not your body
you are not the skin you are in
you are your soul
you are your mind
you are your spirit
your favorite color
the movie that makes you cry the most
that joke that always makes you laugh
your dreams and visions
what makes you passionate
your dark secrets
what you think about when you're alone
your favorite snack
what you do when it's late and you're still awake
your favorite breakfast food
why you love
why you hope
why you cry
why you scream
why you're still here
those are what you are made of
everything precious and beautiful
that is who you are
not your body
but your soul instead
Sep 2, 2019
Sep 2, 2019 at 1:35 AM UTC
you haven't seen everything
you've seen the good
the laughter
the smiles
the stupid jokes
the sleepiness
when the truth pours out
when i cannot keep my eyes open
when i do nothing but giggle
you haven't seen me
when my mood swings
when i'm bawling
when i'm mad
you never want to see me mad
you haven't seen the dark
when i'm in a funk
when i do nothing but sleep
not eating because of the sickness
when my thoughts go dark too
are you sure that you want
to tether yourself to me?
the dark and twisted
always shows itself
that's when i'm being 'handled'
can you handle that?
will you say that you're handling me?
or will you be different
and say that you're caring for me?
god, i hope you can say 'care'
somehow, i know that's what you'll say
you know
i'll do the same for you
love on you until it breaks me
even still
i'll keep loving on you
until i can see your smile
will you do the same for me?
when i say i am letting you in
i mean
all of me
all sides
all moods
all patterns
will you stay with me?
god, please say yes
cause i am slowly figuring out
that i need you
please, need me too
despite the flaws
despite the moods
despite everything
Aug 31, 2019
Aug 31, 2019 at 5:25 PM UTC
i know that i said i would wait six months
i had every intention of keeping that
and then he came along.
i kept praying that it wasn't to be
that God would give me a sign
that this man wasn't for me
that i should not pursue this.
nothing ever came to say no
and something said yes.
i told myself no dating him
until i was stable again.
work and school came through for me
and i am stable again.
just like that.
i did not expect this.
i did not want this, at first.
now, i'm with this man
who i am falling for.
and i cannot help
but want to hide it
because of the judgement
"i'm disappointing in you"
"you said six months"
"i thought you were serious"
i was and i am
i did not expect this to happen
i did not want this to happen
and you keep holding on
to my past and my mistakes
to the person i was and not
the person i am now
haven't i changed enough?
i was content to be single and to wait
and he came along and everything changed
i just want you to be happy for me
can't you understand?
Aug 29, 2019
Aug 29, 2019 at 3:09 PM UTC