4 bricks in a line on the floor
in case someone dared to knock at this door
shadows underneath come and go
but it won't be me they get to know
10 bricks now for added protection
a sign reads "leave, please no affection"
comfort here in the shade
"go away i'm not here, leave" i prayed
20 bricks and counting to avoid the foreseen
I learnt how to build at the age of sixteen
this is not the first, i've been here three times
fallen head first for emotional crimes
and i wonder why i can't muster the trust
when consistence and kindness has been my gold dust
and always when I need them the most
I’ll run, I’ll hide and become like the ghost
all because the notion of security
has become somewhat of a peculiar obscurity
7 seconds to put up all the defences
and here I’ll sit with the everlasting consequences
crying out at my own reflection
“here we are, did it again, severed an incandescent connection”
how can I change when this has been all I know
this version of love had been taught long ago
if not filled with rage and sordid behaviour
cut all ties, sabotage, this can’t be my saviour
and the reason I feel like I need to be saved
is I’ve danced too long with the morally depraved
who treated me well with sweet degradation
and made me believe in self deprecation
so these walls, after all, are for me and not you
quietly hoping you have the tools to break through
May 5, 2022
May 5, 2022 at 6:11 AM UTC
are you aware
ive said it 1000 times
in my head
plunging fists into cotton
its too loud to bare
professing to you
with my pupils ink
fallout in my fingertips
from the ripping inside this cage
Apr 28, 2022
Apr 28, 2022 at 9:57 AM UTC
i can’t seem to say
can I be here forever
without the terror
Apr 26, 2022
Apr 26, 2022 at 4:35 AM UTC
those echoes
engulf me
each time a different life
flickers before my eyes
it erodes any new memory
that dared to take its place
i will not
i can not forget
those memories
the echoes
that swallow
and drown me in their egregious lies
recoiling back
devouring me every time
Feb 1, 2021
Feb 1, 2021 at 5:14 PM UTC
I would transform into stardust and spend an eternity
swirling above you
than live what seems like an eternity
in this invisible cage
I would rather be a sunflower who lived short
but beautiful
to everyone who cared to look.
Dec 16, 2020
Dec 16, 2020 at 10:26 PM UTC
Do you think it was you who broke me?
Are you that special?
I broke at 7 when the first man I loved had forsaken me
I broke at 12 when she threatened to beat me daily but never landed a single blow
I broke at 18 when my first love sought comfort between a strangers legs
I broke at 22 when I found myself in the dark touched by unwanted hands
I broke at 25 when my last love told me I’m worthless and broke objects at my feet and said his life’s in my hands
I shattered at 26 when I bared too many cracks to remain whole.
Are you that special?
To think your presence or lack of, would make my life anymore tenebrous than its become.
Nov 26, 2020
Nov 26, 2020 at 4:38 PM UTC
There is a fire in my body
hot enough to ****
but it lives with a shadow
sweet enough to extinguish its abhorrence
Nov 26, 2020
Nov 26, 2020 at 4:36 PM UTC