I saw pieces of the world
Magical corners
Excitement flooding my bones to set them vibrating
Sunk into the cold white with an eight year olds smile
Giggling the same
Took in the bare ***** rocks formed over centuries of whips and waves
Giant canyons reminding of my insignificant existence in their presence, here before me and long after
I sat wide eyed and silent, adoring the moment where I was free and adoring God's artistry
Adventure upon adventure, as thrilling as the last
I rode the roads, writing about my scars, rivers down my cheeks
Expecting immediate catharsis
Wishing for 'home'
It took two days for it to come to me, for me
Wrap around me, burrow into my skin, envelop my bed
It lay in wait for me
It echoes in this vast empty house
The nothing that is here
The mind numbing pain
of absence
I should have kept running
Feb 17, 2017
Feb 17, 2017 at 5:35 PM UTC
Today I'm fresh
Today I am new
I am feeling around in the dark, but it's only my hands
It's only my voice that answers the queries
I knew something was wrong when I looked for your voice before my own
When I wanted your hands in case my clumsy pair failed
I was living my life through you
So, one set of hands and one voice ringing through the dark is the answer
And I answered
I am all I need
Jan 2, 2016
Jan 2, 2016 at 2:54 AM UTC
5 minutes for amnesia
Laughing, tumbling through waves in the ocean
5 minutes for amnesia
Giggling like I'm back to 10 years old, salty, stringy hair pasted to my face
5 minutes for amnesia
The sun is blissful on my tipped up, smile stretched skin
5 minutes for amnesia
And I'm just me, free me, happy with the moment, the breeze in my hair, carrying my worries in pieces
The pieces solidify
And inch by inch I recede and remember
I wish I had an etch-a-sketch, that I could erase what's behind me, draw a happy picture, be brand new.
Dec 30, 2015
Dec 30, 2015 at 4:27 AM UTC
Nothing but cold is outside my body
I've finally finished with you
I've finally finished attempting to pull together this project,
The one where you're called 'Mum'
And you give me the makeup and boy tips
Where home is a place and that place is you
I've let it go to the wind and scatter
Faced the infinite truth,
I can pretty every aspect of life but the pretty will never shine through
Ugly is down to the bone
& all I have is the soul I own, the breath I breathe, the voice I speak
It'll just have to do.
Dec 30, 2015
Dec 30, 2015 at 4:18 AM UTC
I'm speaking in lists to get by
I'm not reading them
It's just to lessen the drowning, to grab hold of something with roots so I can survive the current
But I'm swept away anyway
It's all so complicated
Doesn't anyone ever get complicated like this?
Am I different? No I know, we're all the same, there's no such thing as unique, you're not the only one experiencing this
But this complexity is impossible, surely people would be crazy if this was their reality
2am and holding their head in their hands in attempt to find calm
Thoughts speeding round the edges hitting the walls
Falling like battered bees
I just don't know, and that's my mantra
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
I'm not making sense, you're not making sense, life isn't making sense, it's all making nonsense
Sep 21, 2015
Sep 21, 2015 at 3:40 AM UTC
Two minds exist in one space
I'm beautiful in such a unique, one in a million way, deep down knowledge tells me
I look in the mirror, it's not outside beauty I speak of
Can anyone else see it?
Do they want to spend the time looking for it, digging to the bottom
Will I ever find an equal, ever find someone who sees with clear cut eyes
Or will I spend this life in the shadows of solidarity, strange perspectives and too much for the shallow, vice filled lifestyles
Was I brought into existence to exist in this space? Or am I entirely in the wrong place?
Sep 13, 2015
Sep 13, 2015 at 12:13 AM UTC
All the passion banked up in my larger than life soul
It would have been shared with you
You would have been the focus of my twinkling lit eyes
The attention of my love starved lips and hands
You would have had the largest space in my heart all to yourself (and I'll never tell you this but there is no would, you do)
But you're fading, that space is shrinking
But
It's in this moment that I've got hindsight tinged vision
And I know, I was the most beautiful thing you ever had
One day you'll know too
Sep 13, 2015
Sep 13, 2015 at 12:08 AM UTC
And on the days when your heart is a dying thing gasping its last breaths in your chest
And your hopes have flown away in a flock
Your dreams are far away, too far too crawl which all that can be managed
On the days that are right now
In this moment
Hold on baby, as the water pulls past you and tries to drag you with the flood
Hold tight to the tree post
Because the sun will come out
Because those hopes will fly back with colour in their wings
Because you'll stand on your once weary feet and chase those **** dreams
You'll come back to yourself sweetheart,
You're heart will shock start, it will beat, speed up in those happy moments, slow in the peace
You'll be ten times the girl you were,
You'll be the girl that carried mountains without being crushed
Sep 10, 2015
Sep 10, 2015 at 11:06 AM UTC
The ***** went down like honey
Soothing my aches and pains
It took me away from all the hurts
Like sunshine
Until it rains
Rain it did, as it scooped me up in fun and spat me out in delirious devastation
Sitting on pavement crying out for you
Speaking in tongues and silly riddles
Emptying my stomach over and over but never emptying my head of you
The reasoning 'I just want to feel better'
The reality, I have to reconcile this, I have to make peace with this
You're not coming back this time
Sep 6, 2015
Sep 6, 2015 at 5:41 AM UTC
She's the girl you'll meet for the first time at the second meeting
Again at the third
She's crazy at the first; beating out the syllables in breathless sentence
She's quiet at the second; not sure what to do with her hands
She's gentle at the third; talking of the moon, the sun, the way of the world
She's questioning who to be each time
She's questioning who she is and if that who will be accepted
She's a lost little fool within herself
But what's lost is always eventually found
Sep 2, 2015
Sep 2, 2015 at 8:46 AM UTC