sometimes i wonder why i was kept here
i should be dead three times over by now
so why did you keep me
if i plunged a knife through my neck right now
you couldn’t keep me here
i won’t do it
only because i don’t want to be used
even in death
to be used as a crutch
for the people who never even cared about me
in life
i’d be used
for whatever reason they justify
another tragedy to their life
you didn’t love me in life
you certainly don’t get to do that in my death
no matter how much i wish i could do it
i wont let you win anymore
i won’t let you ever use me again
im not a fool anymore
May 25
May 25, 2026 at 1:26 PM UTC
you really think you fixed us?
you and my mother changed?
all you did was destroy everything
you destroyed me
while sitting pretty pretending
you had done no wrong
told “i never meant to get in the middle”
when you firmly implanted yourself
as the beginning
i see you for what you are now
you no longer fool me
but it still hurts
i wonder if anything was ever real
being ostracized by my own mother
to protect you and your boundaries
being made more into a monster
even by you
i took it all for you
i took even more hurt by my own
just to protect you and care for you
and those two precious girls
who you and my mother
eventually took from me
knowing how much it would hurt
seeing physically how much it killed me
and here i am
still
broken
no one to care for me
or even to ******* ask how i am
May 13
May 13, 2026 at 10:29 PM UTC
you’ve always been alone
you’ll always be alone
you stupid girl
it’s been like this your whole life
why would expect anything different?
you were made wrong
a child never loved
a sibling no one missed
a partner never fully invested in
silly little girl
you thought you were safe
you never will be
and you never have been
Apr 26
Apr 26, 2026 at 7:33 PM UTC
at the end of the day
i’m still the little girl who slept alone
in her closet
afraid of taking up space
in a home where she wasn’t wanted
come out
i can’t
i’m still here i’ve always been here
and here i will stay
maybe you’ll find me
still asleep on the floor
and maybe i’ll still breathe
Mar 29
Mar 29, 2026 at 1:12 AM UTC
we fought again
i can’t even count my toes and fingers
how many
how many times you reminded me
how worthless i am
i cried and lashed
and i lie down on the cold wooden boards
wondering why the planks of wood
are different colors
i remember shivering
but not caring how cold and alone
i had felt
i tried to memorize the grains
and i no longer felt the bite on my skin
it was free
warm
Feb 9
Feb 9, 2026 at 10:12 PM UTC
i keep forgetting the pain is permanent
that i will not walk a day without pain
not in the physical sense
but my mind has been compromised
but trauma repeated
pain that you can barely see
but stays in the forefront
a pain so debilitating i ask myself
how am i still here
how many weeks, days, hours
will be spent in unrelenting pain
pain so real i feel it in my chest
breaking my heart and choking me
some days i feel like i can survive this
i am more than my diagnosis
the grocery list of them
just for the pain to hit me, pain so sharp
it cuts so deep and there is no escape
i expect it but it hurts no less
steals my breath and bones
gripping my heart like a vise
and there is no relief
Jan 18
Jan 18, 2026 at 4:22 PM UTC
i know why i bite
i have been betrayed
by the people who should have protected me
who should have wanted to protect me
but instead threw me to the wolves
so i became one
why? why do you always cause problems?
why are you like this? why?
when you ask me or yourself that
just know that is what you made me into
i never wanted this
i don’t want to hurt you
i don’t want to bite
but i never questioned why i did
and i will no longer feel bad for doing so
you never felt bad for making me this way
you helped strip away any kindness i had left
any “regrets” and “mistakes”
i may be sorry for how i sink my teeth into you
but i will never be sorry again for doing so
Jan 11
Jan 11, 2026 at 1:51 PM UTC
my body is no longer actively dying
i’ve gained weight
im what they call “healthy”
i have to learn how to love my body again
a body that i do not even want
because my soul is still shriveling
a soul that is still malnourished
a soul that is dying
everything hurts
third degree burns and glass in my skin
but at least i look “healthy”
they’re proud of me for gaining weight
but i miss my skin reflecting
how i feel on the inside
i feel like scraps of myself
pieces of me that will never be again
skin and ligaments disappeared
torn away from those i loved
when they had no love for me
forever thrown away and never to be remembered
“you look better”
but i don’t feel any different
stuck inside of a skin i don’t love
skin i wish i could rip away
wishing to show you
that the weight i’ve gained
doesn’t mean i’m healed
Nov 7, 2025
Nov 7, 2025 at 9:59 PM UTC
i hate that you were capable of breaking me
and that i never saw it coming
i was so brainwashed
your daughter turned your best friend
always wanting more from the woman who
birthed me
brought me into this cruel sick world
never my own person
but an extension of you that you tried to create
you hate me because i am my own
and now i have to stare
at this stupid ******* tattoo
i got for you
i got for me
i got for us
because i believe all the lies you told me
because i thought you would always love me
Nov 7, 2025
Nov 7, 2025 at 8:41 PM UTC
you’re looking at a decomposed body
skin so tight it looks as it should rip apart
bones trying to shove its way out
and everything is sharp
it shouldn’t be possible
she shouldn’t look like a walking corpse
but here she is
bones jutting out
skin is paper thin
you could blow on her and she’d fall apart
but that’s not what you cared about
you only cared about what she could give you
and now that she can give you nothing
you no longer care
and i’m afraid that you never did
and all she ever did was love you
all she ever tried
was to make you happy
and you abandoned her
without a single worry in the world
because she had her purpose
she served it and when she couldn’t
you left her for dead
Nov 7, 2025
Nov 7, 2025 at 8:34 PM UTC