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nix-w
nix-w
Most times I either want to explode in a fit of rage and f bombs, or cry till my eyes go numb. Talking requires strength and I geuss I just have none. So here I am just like in my diaries (all 20 of them filled with nonsense writings)
Wind rustles a light tumble of leaves dance across the stones ebbed within the dirt under my feet. I’ve come to see the birds. They sing a song of laughter and sun. I’ve also come to see the plants. They’ve grown so glistening with orange hues and drops of diamond water. I stop just beyond the fern fronds. Closing my eyes and hearing the woods. If I could. I’d manifest these sounds into feelings, nameless and brewed into a delicate concoction of oak fermented sounds, consumed and nourished. The soul is at peace.
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Sep 1, 2020
Sep 1, 2020 at 4:27 AM UTC
Brewing sounds and feelings
Like a tugging feeing down Yanking tight within my soul It darkens my insides And suddenly I feel cold My head fills with sadness And my mind sees only lows My eyes begin to water And my breathing heaves in slows How absurd my feelings gather Unfold and gush in times It bottles up, my doing As I steer away from lies I just want to sleep Sleep away all my tears Sleep away all my woes And sleep away all my fears I hate this feeling (I say I wanna die) It’s stupid yes I know and would I try? It’s just this **** keeps getting thicker Fumigating from within Dense ash crumbling my light Till I am weak and bent Cradling my sorrow Harbouring my woes Sinking deeper in the abyss A place where few people go
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Jun 13, 2020
Jun 13, 2020 at 5:25 AM UTC
Mr. Depression strikes again
Lookie lookie lookie Somethings written in my ****** It’s distaste for you will surely Turn you into one real sookie So don’t you lookie lookie lookie In my private truthful ****** Cos I ain’t about to say no sorries All because you want to nosey And now your eyes have gone all sookie All because you read my ******
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Jun 13, 2020
Jun 13, 2020 at 5:08 AM UTC
Doodle dee song
As the cries of laughter echo and consume My ears are still burning by those who have strewn. Such lies. These women prance around with idiocy grace, a shady snark of deceit and words coated with sincerity, meekly designed to hide the words, in between the lines, are glares and stares, mutters and whispers, laughing at’s and inside jokes. This I see and this I hear as I sit here drinking my tea.
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May 26, 2020
May 26, 2020 at 9:06 PM UTC
Tea break misery
Brace yourself. The tides come in. Let down your noose. No threats here. Water deliver. The remedy’s due. Kindly takeover. This one’s new. Oh sanctuary within this tide. Wrap me in waves. Smother my cries. Engulf my sorrows with salt, a million. I’ve let go. Welcome thee. This tides high and in I go. Welcome me, welcome me. My new found home.
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May 20, 2020
May 20, 2020 at 6:13 AM UTC
Aquatic noose
Painted eyes. Do you see right? A mimic. A fake. A clone. A mistake. Tainted ears. Do you hear right? A muffle. A sound. A thing at night. Do I frighten you? Least of all. I am weak. No need to fear. This is not real. You aren’t either. But I still see you. And hear you. Now can I feel you?
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May 20, 2020
May 20, 2020 at 6:00 AM UTC
Thoughts for the night
Is this enough? Exposing skin Peeled back flesh Inner workings At its best Laid out raw As you inspect This bodies worn Blood infest You take more As you did before Scraps of me Shoved back in Stapled shut By the lies of him Now walking Empty vessel Taking always taking Will this be enough? Glass solemn eyes Blank and absent Stare off to the sky A tear A single tear Rolls down to her lip “Why?”
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May 4, 2020
May 4, 2020 at 9:34 AM UTC
The Giver
This friend of mine is obsessive He burdens me every night By his constant arrogant desire To keep me up all ****** night He appears completely uninvited and declares his space in me By sitting directly on my head To defecate profanity Its completely obscene and alarming The thoughts he implants you see I’ve never known such disturbance Until he embarks on tainting me It keeps me up for nights on end Wires tinkering away I can’t seem to shut them off A frozen cognitive display I’ve focused on ignoring him And pretended to be asleep But he’s never easily fooled you see So I imagine counting sheep I heard it was suppose to work But lies he won again This pesty fiend is staying put So i geuss there is no end Unless Unless We make a deal A deal where we both win Where he resumes his nightly dues And I can get some rest I tell him he is welcomed But only on one condition That he only soils my shrivelled brain When it is completely in transgression This rodent stares and wonders The meaning of this word It baffles him completely For this he’s never heard As he thinks I smirk and wiggle An inch away from him To happily caress my pillow And proudly announce “I win” Zzzzzzzzzz
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Apr 23, 2020
Apr 23, 2020 at 10:44 AM UTC
My friend named insomnia
When your up late at night because you think someone has let you down, when all you ever did was drive them to their limits, asking for a reaction but never believing that they'd actually commit. When your up late at night, thoughts sinking deeper in, of how a lonely night feels like a thousand when your apart. From someone you've spent almost every minute with and slept with so that their scent, their breath and their sounds become your own. Now without those things, you aren't completely here, in the present, you don't know where you are, your lost. But you could never admit that, no, you want to inflict the same amount of tortuous pain that you had to go through just to gain some sickening satisfaction , but... it never lasts. You eventually succumb to the emotional strings that pull you to your other half, the half that you can't stand! but the half that you can't live without. I love you, please come back.
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Apr 21, 2020
Apr 21, 2020 at 10:13 PM UTC
Untitled