I took a deep breath, and fell right onto my pillow
I said to myself, "People leave, that's what they do."
I breathed deeply, almost panting because of the anxiety creeping on to me.
Abuse, betrayal all of it flashed in front of my eyes.
I breathed deeply, in and out, as the world stood still, right in front of me.
I breathed deeper, consoled myself, things will be fine if not better, this isn't the end.
I breathed deeply, this time holding my chest, as if trying to tell it that all was well.
I breathed deeper, while a tear flowed down my left cheek, it's alright, it's just a difficult week.
I took five more breaths, before telling myself this, "it's okay, and that people leave."
My heart almost spiralled into confusion.
Blaming myself, and then not.
People leave, that's how it's been all these years, it's like my head was in a knot.
I've been bothered by this approach people have in life, "live and forget" as if there's nothing else in sight.
In moments like these, when I can't breathe any further,
I write, and feel,
Because I know,
I'll never be like the others.
Oct 2, 2020
Oct 2, 2020 at 6:40 PM UTC
**Bodies lying here and there,
torn clothes everywhere,
Some little girls crying near the bay,
Some little girls hiding behind the hay,
It's the month of May,and
I still remember this day,
When I refused to use my stength,
Gave up, laid down,
Could no longer fly high,
I was forced to drop on the ground,
Just because some hands pulled me down,
And swept me across the room
To fulfill their needs,
When I come to think about it now,
I should have stomped their throats,
When I had the chance,
I should have fought,maybe
I could have saved,
Others and every one,
If only I roared.**
Jan 29, 2020
Jan 29, 2020 at 10:34 AM UTC
I've dreamed of dreams,
Sleeping through the nights,
Through the forest of darkness
No one in sight,
I relate my dreams to reality
Oonce I wake up the veil drops,
And I can't figure out what is what
Am I living in my fantasy
Or is all of this real
What I want to do and
What I'm forced to do
Surreal,
Living in a world of someone else
Do you feel like someone else?
Walk the road someone else was meant to
Breathe the air which belonged to someone else
Wish I could dream lucidly
Vividly
Twirling down the rabbit's hole
Be someone I want to be
In a world where money,
matters most
All these cruel people around me
Fail to understand what I want to be
I see this dream
And I dream about it
The person I am
And someone I'll never be.
Jan 29, 2020
Jan 29, 2020 at 9:39 AM UTC
As I listen to the beats of another wild song
My feet tapping on the cold hard ground
In the darkness I ascend the stairs
Sharp eyes and all spread out hairs
Under the moonlight I let my sorrows out
Drenched in loneliness
I roam around and round
I know my heart is in ruins
The ruin is fun
It gives me pleasure
To be fallen apart
I leave those pieces behind me
And dance on and on
Till those pieces cut me deep
And I frown and I laugh
I'm happy to know I've thrown away a part of me
that will never come back
Shards of memories in my vicinity
I smile I cry
Till I let it all out
And I'm all in ruins,
My body is one,
My mind's out of control
But I think I'm alright,
I'm beginning to blossom
in this silent night
I dance on and on
Till those pieces cut me deep
And I cry and I laugh
Till I transform into light
Something I've always wanted to be
I feel a void
But that's alright
Because I'm no longer in ruins
But I still remember those times...
Jul 20, 2018
Jul 20, 2018 at 2:07 PM UTC
As the days are late
And time passes by
I stand here by the door
Waiting to catch your eye
A year has passed
A thousand dreams
A realm of kindness
A jealous feat
My eyes flutter
to see you here
As days pass by
without the tears
Time has come
And I want it still
Till the time my heart fulfills
Consumes the love
That was left
Incomplete
All this time
I wait and fear
This time to hold you near
All the time I try and try
Waiting by the door
To catch your eyes!
Oct 28, 2017
Oct 28, 2017 at 12:21 PM UTC
What if we saw what reality was?
Would it still be real?
What if we said for our hearts wanted
Would there still be fear?
What if I saw
What you saw
Would you still be near?
Jul 30, 2017
Jul 30, 2017 at 10:31 AM UTC
Dear FutureMe,
I hope you are happy. Your mom is still with you and Anuj, well I hope he's with you as well. I hope you're ready to go sailing with your Sailor. I hope you were successful in all that you did even though you had some bad times and tired ones too. I hope you worked hard enough so as to make your mom's new school prosper in all ways. I hope you're still in love with coffee and him. I hope you have more confidence in you and still like wearing all that you love to wear. I hope you tried loosing the pooch ahaha well if you did have the time to do that. I hope after seeing this you'd be a little more happier if you already are and a little more hopeful if you're sad. And even if you're not following your dreams I hope you've made new ones and prospering in that too! I hope you still love yourself as much as you do now. Be strong you!
Dec 5, 2016
Dec 5, 2016 at 10:30 AM UTC
*Times of happiness,
Times like this when everything seems perfectly fine yet imperfect..*
When time passes by in an instant and no one knows what might happen next…
We forget all our obsessions, tensions, problems, fears, nonsense
And focus on time...time alone which has no absolute pathway…
*No course of action or reaction…
Only a measure of never or forever…*
There could be a million alternatives that could take place but…
It’s you and me…
Together.
Among all the possibilities of occurrences,
The choice of the universe accounts to this…
The perfect placement of two bodies of matter,
In this chaotic yet constant time…
You chose me.
And I chose you.
Subconscious and consciously
In this place of uncertainties
There might or might not be someone watching over, controlling us like puppets
Or there might be more to it than we know it,
Or I might not know, if not for the nick of time that happened to cross my destiny,
Destiny…
Was it?
Or was it time?
Or some power wanting to lead us here,
Or was it already written, in the stars?
So many questions but the answer one needs is if we exist at all…
Do we?
Or are we just a figment of someone’s imagination?
Are we dreaming?
Awake and thinking?
Well all I can occasionally agree on is the fact that there was a want…
A want of wanting everything to happen…
The dreams we saw when we were small…
Are we both living it?
Or the thoughts you had…the imaginations…
Are we living it all unknowingly?
Maybe yes? Who knows?
This want that keeps on arising for the want of more want…
Everything wanting to happen at the same time…
The right time, and the right place.
Mornings changing into evenings and then nights
For want of rest,
Books increasing in number
For want of knowledge,
*Souls colliding with each other
for want of escape..*
Escaping this light of nothingness…
A place familiarly known as world.
We came, we met, we lived, we died…
All in the same place where we
in fact met to be together…
For want of continuity and want of ?
Even I do not know,
I am but a helpless being of matter and my body turns to dust…
*But not so ordinary either…
as my existence and my soul does not cease to exist in this world…*
I may be a mere mortal…
But when we met…
The universe wanted it,
Destiny wanted it,
You wanted it,
Our souls wanted it,
**But our minds…
little did they know of this magic…**
That revives dead senses and unknown feelings…
Which has led us into this pathway of love…
A mere flick of brain cells that prevent us to repel each other in all possible ways…
*I love you...
You are my eternity..*
Jun 28, 2016
Jun 28, 2016 at 4:55 AM UTC
**these days we drift apart,
more often than we know it,
these days, those days are gone,
it's no longer buds and roses.
these days, days feel longer than the are,
these days we are no longer where we were,
these days we no longer hold hands,
these days we no longer hold stance.
these days we are more sad than we appear,
these days time stops and more tears,
these days we pray to be together,not,
these days we simply drift apart..**
Mar 13, 2016
Mar 13, 2016 at 12:12 AM UTC
*Once there stood a Sailor,
Tall and Bold he was,
Upon the waves was his home,
Eye of the storm he was.
Some called him Charming,
Cindrella was in love,
Sindbad wanted a friend
SnowWhite could'nt succumb.
Jasmine searched the seven seas
To bring him back to ground,
And Alladin pushed him underneath
Hoping he'll fall.
But there stood a Mermaid,
Upon a stubborn rock,
Her eyes were like wet sand
Her nose a pebble soft,
She lured the hearty sailor,
Into the sea so dark,
Hoping he would see a world
Where he never had to stop,
Hoping he would call it home,
His home upon the rocks.
He wore his mighty hat aboard,
Underneath he was at flight,
Fought the world of challenges,
With his awe-some sight,
To all he was a Sailor,
A person in disguise,
Wid arms like boulders
And chest fierce
But light..*
*You would ask
What's their story,
Well here goes,
It might be right,
But Sailor met the Mermaid,
Mermaid fell in love,
Love is what sailed along,
Under the waves of lust,
In a world so arid
It turned hearts dry,
He searched for a place to swim
Where he could also fly,
He swam with the mermaid
Into the glassy ****
Glossy waters
And coral reefs,
After years of gliding by
He decided to stop,
Not to make him stop,
the Mermaid cried a lot..
The sailor found a new place,
A place called a 'Road',
She thought their adventure was over,
And the Sailor was lost,
She tried to tell him,
Asked him to stop,
For she was no longer she,
Plural now she was,
She cudnt tell him
For he was in a hurry,
And about everything
He forgot..
But alas!
Was she happy
She saw the Sailor pray,
The prayer wasnt an ordinary one
He wanted for her to stay,
He'd seen Her world
For years together,
He now wanted her to see,
His own world of wonders
Above the choppy sea..
He prayed that She could
Join him
With no other blocks,
The only thing he wanted..*
"If only she could walk",
*She cried and cried
In the sea of course
She knew that wasn't possible,
She knew He was lost..
One morning she woke up
Washed up on the shore,
The sea no longer wanted her
She was thrown.
She'd seen the seas too much,
Now it was time for her to go,
To Walk with the Sailor
With new legs, aboard.
Happiness got the best of her,Tears would'nt stop,
He caught her arms,
Pulled her up,
And showed her how to walk.*
*She told him he had to love her,
And two other people too,
The Sailor was astonished
He dint know what to do!
A few days later
He did understand,
They were now four,
A bundle of all,
Joy had at last rejoiced!
He gave her a pearl,
From the very sea she came from,
To remind her of That world,
She accepted and
Now they were one mind,
A family,
One of a kind..*
Mar 10, 2016
Mar 10, 2016 at 12:17 PM UTC