I'm scared you'll do something
I'm scared it's my fault
because I am a coward
and you are not
that scares me
a lot
you don't want to be your dad
but you don't see
I already am my dad
because he was my hero
but he's not a good person
I'm scared you will do something
and I think I know why
it's because of me
and all that I did
but if you look closer
I'm the only one that's bad
You told me you'd be fine
but it's kind of selfish
to leave the planet
and not care what it does to me
you think I'd be better
it would destroy me
I'll talk you down
I know it's not your fault
Sep 30, 2020
Sep 30, 2020 at 9:58 AM UTC
I've found that I am hopeless
I am a bad person
I lash out
I hurt people
Just by sticking around
You can deny it all you want
i am a bad person
you dont even know
dont tell me you hurt me
you know what i did
i yelled and i cried
made you feel you were mine
but if you were mine,
i think i would trust you
but thats too much
i cant even hold you
i am not a good person
i dont deserve your forgiveness
im sorry.
i am.
dont do anything because of me
Sep 30, 2020
Sep 30, 2020 at 9:50 AM UTC
We hexed the moon
We burned downtown
We killed Carlos
We started a plague
We started riots
We almost started a 3rd war
We protested and got shot
We killed our year
We said it would be better
We lied and broke it
We tried and failed it
And now I'm sick of resentment
But we can improve it
Sep 30, 2020
Sep 30, 2020 at 9:42 AM UTC
I want to improve
I wish I was better
please, someone, help me
understand my pain and suffering
please send a doctor
I am from perfectionists
but they haven't fixed me
and I'm sad that I'm not ok
and it's not ok that I'm sad
I just want to feel something
when I can only feel nothing
why does Salem haunt me
why do witches follow me
and ghosts love me
I just want to feel safe
I just want to feel perfect
May 9, 2020
May 9, 2020 at 4:18 PM UTC
They can separate themselves from their demons
I can’t
The demons I carry around have been my best friends for so long,
I can’t tell the difference from them,
And me
They know when a thought is being placed there from something non-human
I don’t
They talk so much it pours out my mouth
The demons say they love me,
So Me, being desperate for love
Accept them
Then I follow their rules
- eat little- sleep none- cry always- tears never
And so many more
I’m no longer self-regulated because I'm no longer myself
They swallowed me
Since I can’t tell the difference between us, I willingly gave myself up
Traded myself
For a monster
That only brings others down, or drags me down, to lift others higher
They have become me
They are me
There Isn't a distinction anymore
There isn’t a red font to tell me what ideas to avoid
Because I don’t avoid any ideas at all
Nothing is off-limits, they tell me if I see a thought,
Take it
No matter who it hurts, especially if it hurts me, if you think it, you can do it!
They tell me
You only live once
So they make it hell, but only to prepare me for what’s to come,
They’ve convinced me they only have my best interest in mind, I let them make walls
To protect me
May 5, 2020
May 5, 2020 at 11:50 AM UTC
Standing on a pedestal
Bleeding on a stage
Colored insides for the aesthetic
Beautiful gore
Enhancing your beauty with gore
Showing other people my bones
An idea of perfection being nothing but blood and bone
I lay here and laugh
At the body, i’ve destroyed
At the skin i've hurt
And the insides i've boiled
The commercials show the ideal size
So the people that tell me
The one that I killed
The one that I saved
Whoever would stop me
From crumbling bones
And melting eyes
Limbs are falling off and getting lost
But i'm the idea of pretty
With the gore falling away
Apr 23, 2020
Apr 23, 2020 at 3:40 PM UTC
Two days ago, I went to bed
With more than average noise in my head
It hurt and I cried
Hurt so much that I died
The only one that could save me
Was miles away from me
Since then, the world sped up
Goes too fast for my lungs
So they just gave up
I am decaying at home
In front of my mother
I am melting so slow
In front of my brother
I am nothing but bone
In front of my other
Apr 23, 2020
Apr 23, 2020 at 3:20 PM UTC
No one calls me smart
They all check my grades
Mockery of the success
Shameful of the less
Trophy for being a disappointment
I try my hardest
Just for the attention
The approval
Is what keeps me going
I want an A
But I’m labeled with a B, C, D, or F
The attention is all wrong
The ridicule
Not reward
Nothing feels retained
I want a place to post
To show I’m more
To feel seen and liked
To see mean and nice
To share what I do with a brush
What I can do with facepaint
See others
Share songs
But it's about **** time
That they see it isn't
The showing to others
That ensured my demise
The help they would give me
The eyes and the ears
To feel seen and heard
The spotlight again
It will shine on my face
As if everyone cared
As if I wasn't so scared
And I would feel cured
But the labels I gain
Seem to be retained
Without a constraint
Of worry and pain
Mar 27, 2020
Mar 27, 2020 at 3:34 PM UTC
Empty and shaking
I sound insane
But I really am
So I guess it's ok
Cries turn to laughs
Cries for humor
Laughs for help
Wring out the arms for blood
And the eyes for lies
Pooling on the floor
Seeping through the tiles
Karma’s a *****
But I’ll do you one better
Look you in the eyes
And I twist the weapon
Not for the fun
For the revenge
On all those that scared me
On all those who helped me
Laugh out the last of my guts
Cry out my lungs
Always the same
Repeating sensations
Fleeting rotations
Murderous flirtations
Mourning probations
But it's worth the pain
And the fear
And the guilt
For the ties and knots
They clog up my throat
To appear in my windpipe
And disappear in my scars
Hold back no words and show no silence
Mar 27, 2020
Mar 27, 2020 at 3:28 PM UTC
I hang up flowers in my room
I try and make you smile but I seem to fail
You still choke and cry
And I’ll laugh and try
To hide the pain
I gave you my hoodie
And many notes and things
I thought you would like
Remind you of me
But it’s nothing compared to laughing
Numbing myself
The pain becomes too much my body needs a pause
Cough up blood so I don't bleed anymore
It all will end
I tried and failed
What is left for me other than dissolving my emotions
Or the ones that remain
Hope and pray to an all-seeing eye
Beg and wish for mercy on the ones you love
There’s none left
They showed you true pain
You must return the torture
If only they had seen it before it was a wreck
Mar 27, 2020
Mar 27, 2020 at 3:25 PM UTC