do you know how much it hurts
do you know how much I cry
do you know how much blood I've lost on purpose
do you know how much pain has demanded to be felt
do you know how many sleepless nights I've had
do you know how many pillows I cried through
do you know how many blades I've used
do you know how many scars I've made
do you know how many haunting thoughts I've had
do you know how many wishes I made
do you know how much I want to be different
do you know how many times I've been so angry it's bought tears to my eyes
do you know what I've had to deal with
do you know anything
no
because if you did you wouldn't still be here
- n
Jun 3, 2014
Jun 3, 2014 at 2:36 PM UTC
theres a monster in my head
and a demon in my soul
they're tearing me apart
with every second they take their toll
sometimes i talk to them
but i don't like what they say
they tell me no one cares
i believe it everyday
they tear at my skin
and break my mirrors
they send tears down my cheeks
and make me skip dinners
at first we were fighting
i thought they only lied
but its okay now
were on the same side
the demons want me dead
but they promised not to tell
anyway of dying
is better than leaving in this hell
i thought the demons killed me
but really i killed myself
i let the demons in
that was worse than anything else
never let your demons in
don't let your monsters rule your head
for if you ever do
you will surely end up dead
Dec 7, 2013
Dec 7, 2013 at 1:02 AM UTC
I'm sorry
I'm sorry for being a failure
I'm sorry for being wrong
I'm sorry for being an embarrassment
I'm sorry for making you hate me
I'm sorry for being different
I'm sorry for being me
I'm sorry for crying all night
I'm sorry for using a razor
I'm sorry for having scars
I'm sorry
I'm just so sorry
Dec 7, 2013
Dec 7, 2013 at 12:55 AM UTC
i didn't get it
i mind as well quit
my heart doesn't need a beat
i admit defeat
i lie to myself
saying "i don't need any wealth"
or, "I'm pretty no matter what"
but still i give myself another cut
my tears are all dried
i havent cried
not yet at least
soon all will be ceased
your eyes don't lie
you want me to die
at least you words don't
i hope you won't
maybe you'll regret
or maybe toll just forget
you crushed my heart
quicker than you can throw a dart
so,
ill get a rope
clean my cuts with a soap
stand on a stool
and wear a sweater made of wool
jump gracefully
end the chase finally
freedom
here i come
Nov 18, 2013
Nov 18, 2013 at 6:45 AM UTC
when you're sad
and you want to flee,
think of the good times,
remember me.
i was here for you,
held your hand,
for you i would have,
run all over the land.
but you choose her,
she was number one,
and you left me waiting,
looking oh so dumb.
you destroyed me,
i was shattered
stupid little me,
to think i mattered
now I'm sitting
on the broken tiles
i wish i had been,
the reason for your smiles.
i feel so lonely,
emptier than before,
my wrists are bleeding,
yet still screaming for more,
you're not just a boy,
you're my reason to cry,
please don't give me,
another reason to die.
remember me?
i was your "girl"
now when i see you,
i just want to hurl,
you hurt me,
for the last time,
by next week,
you'll see your crime.
because ill be gone,
this time for good,
you missed out saying,
all that you should.
i hope you feel guilt,
when you see my grave,
i hope it washes over you,
just like a wave.
you had the chance,
to tell me it all,
now when things go bad,
who are you going to call?
Nov 17, 2013
Nov 17, 2013 at 7:18 AM UTC
i need you
don't you see
without you...
I'm alone
I'm unwhole
I'm missing
broken
out of place
i want you
so bad
but i know i shouldn't but i do
i shouldn't go back
i shouldn't hold on
... but i do
i cling on with all i have
but now I'm in to deep
there words have left my mouth
you
your the only one
you broke my walls
...only to break me
you left
again
and again
and again
when will i learn?
i need you
but you don't need me
i guess i thought it would be different
maybe this time you actually meant it
maybe...
well now you've lost me
no going back
not this time
not again
not ever
Nov 17, 2013
Nov 17, 2013 at 5:03 AM UTC
Hidden from true sight
The mask shields my feelings
it hides me from the light
i fear the truth underneath is to
hideous to be seen
the mask protects me from intrusion
it holds the wicked thoughts and the absolute unclean
underneath the mask i'm writhing with shame
my true identity has become lost
as i've become unfamiliar, unfriendly
even with my own name
protecting or hiding the years have
blurred the intent
i'm lost and confused all the time
the mask has taken away everything that it meant
i search for someone who would know my pain
i remove the mask for a moment
and i would feel as i found someone,
bu the flood of unclean would make
me loose that again and again
The mask returns to hold back what is deep with in
please dont look to hard
i couldn't find anymore who understood
any place to go, much to my chagrin
this is what's here, what is and you what is not
my mask is my shield
it may not be the right way to be
protected but its the only thing i've got
Oct 21, 2013
Oct 21, 2013 at 7:29 AM UTC
shes hiding in her bedroom
her blood splattered on the floor
her blade in her hand
her back to the door
she has a reason you know
theres a voice in her head
saying: "your not good enough"
"you deserve to be dead"
she looks in the mirror
and burst into tears
the voice comes again
pounding in her ears
"you deserve all this"
"every single cut"
"you deserve to die"
"you stupid little ****
your right she thought to her self
i deserve it all
i dont deserve to be here
all it need is one big fall
she went to write a note
but she threw them in the bin
world could never describe
how she let the voice in
do it! do it!
"you fat ugly cow"
she stepped onto the ledge
she had to do it now
it taunts her
when she's lying in her bed
it screams bad thoughts
and whispers in her head
she took a breath
all she wants is silence
her own mind back
the only answer was violence
now she knew
as long as her heart was beating
the voice would be there
always repeating
no one even heard her
as quiet as mice
she finally got her silence
but her life was the price
Oct 20, 2013
Oct 20, 2013 at 1:23 AM UTC
you tease and taunt,
make me feel so ****
i feel so on edge,
one push and i'll lose it.
i'm not crazy
just unstable
wondering if i could
hang myself with this cable
i hate myself
the way i look
everyone judges my cover
like i'm some book?
my heart was pure
you destroyed that
all from a few words
dumb, ugly and fat
i hate my life
i want it to end
i can't even tell
my only friend
everyone has problems
some never tell
why won't you hear mine
do i have to yell?
it's clear i'm troubled
the cut's on my skin
my mother looks at me
like my birth was a sin
i can't do this anymore
your words rule my brain
i'm ready to jump
just waiting for a train
i'm gone for good
you don't bat a tear
you pick a new victim
i'm forgotten in a year
(n.t)
Oct 15, 2013
Oct 15, 2013 at 2:58 AM UTC
Blood drips down my wrist,
The pain is like my escape,
i bite down my lip,
as tears star to take shape.
This is my life now,
putting up a wall,
blocking everyone out,
acting like i dont care at all.
i want to scream and shout,
i hate the way i've become,
my insecurities defeated me,
the cure? seeing my blood run.
i walk around in school,
acting like i'm fine,
i feel so on edge,
maybe this is my time?
all it takes is one jump,
one cut, one rope.
no more pressure.
no need to cope.
something stops me,
every time, someone saves me ,
the tiniest thing,
then i feel so free
it may not last long,
but it makes me smile.
i have some hope.
i can hang on for a while.
Oct 14, 2013
Oct 14, 2013 at 10:00 PM UTC