i have been staring at this notepad,
trying to think of something to come and write itself out on this page,
but nothing seems to work.
not the late nights, not the jitters in my hands, not even the lack of sleep seems to be having their same loving effects.
i'm not sure how to get out of this little bout of writers block, not sure how to connect again with my words.
i miss the feeling of feeling, and i miss that feeling of relieve i got every time i wrote out everything i tried to say and never could.
Nov 20, 2016
Nov 20, 2016 at 2:23 PM UTC
*i feel like everything is happening so very far away from me
that the ocean doesn't turn without seeing deep inside of me
that the waves of your emotions only revolve on the course that is of you and me
we feel like we can be so much more than the feelings that we see when we sleep
but wake up feeling less than what we used to be*
Sep 29, 2016
Sep 29, 2016 at 9:18 PM UTC
"do you ever stop and think about me?"
-----------------------------------------------------
my mind is constantly racing
thinking about all of the colours that
you're creating
i keep coming up with all these
different scenarios
like how you'd be coming up the
stairs having eyes just for me
or how you'd catch me watching you
watch me
i keep wondering about all the
possible meet ups that we could have had
the one off chances of a crazy maybe
love
but then my mom would bring me back to
reality
and i would suddenly be reminded of
the things that'll never be
Sep 26, 2016
Sep 26, 2016 at 5:50 PM UTC
i think the world is starting to wake
up
it's 5:37,
the cars are riding pass me
more and more as the minutes
tick by
i'm halfway through my last pack
and i'm ******* broke
my mind is a mess and i really
haven't slept in days
my parents think everything is
alright
but they don't really know what
happens when it's ******* late at
night
Mar 11, 2016
Mar 11, 2016 at 10:26 PM UTC
I write about a love story
that I've never experienced
I write about all these
beautiful, wonderful things
that have never happened before.
I feel like a poser, writing
about you.
Disgusted with myself for writing about
a love affair with a guy
that I made up in my head.
Jan 23, 2016
Jan 23, 2016 at 6:10 AM UTC
eating candy from a test tube
thinking of how my life would've been
if i hadn't met you.
nothing is the same - you said -
i told you that everything would change but you did not believe me.
i told you that i would begin to rely on you
that i would begin to constantly think of you
and only you.
when you met me, i gave you the disclaimer
"DISCRETION IS ADVISED"
why do you always do this - you asked -
my test tube of candy is about to be gone
the last two pieces are in my mouth
and i am still thinking of how my life
would've been if i had not met you.
how it would have been if i didn't spend my
days thinking of you.
Jan 6, 2016
Jan 6, 2016 at 10:00 PM UTC
I’ve been thinking about what to say for a couple of weeks, long before my birthday, and yet I still cannot articulate the words that I really really want to say. I know that we aren’t friends anymore and that we don’t talk anymore, but still I would’ve thought that after so many years of friendship and after everything that we have been through, you would’ve text or called or something for my birthday. In my mind, I thought that what we had, the bond that we had shared was stronger than that. Despite everything that had transpired. Even though we were not talking, I still wished you a happy 18th birthday. I knew that that was a milestone for you, I knew that it was a major occasion. I swallowed my pride, even though I was still extremely hurt and mad at you. I did that and against better judgement will still continue to do that, because believe it or not you are still the first person I think to tell things to. You are still the first person that I reach to call whenever things in my head are going to ****
Last week, I was at A&T; with one of my friends Britni and for some reason, I started going down memory lane. Friday, it started with looking through my Instagram and then onto yours and then to my very old account. I then moved to Facebook, looking through all of our stupid videos and pictures. Then I ventured to your mother’s account. And as I swam deeper and deeper into the memory pool that mainly consisted of us, I got sadder and sadder and sadder. First it started off one eye tear stream and then I got up and walked to the bathroom and my vision became blurred with our smiling faces and mascara burning its way down my cheeks.
Even now, I am sitting in a stairway contemplating sending this to you or just saying, **** it, she doesn’t care about you anyway”, and proceed with my original plan of getting drunk tonight with you on my brain. But I don’t know, maybe I need to send this, get all of this off my chest like my therapist says. Maybe sending this to you will help me sleep more, maybe it will help to let go of the past. I really don’t want to cry anymore. I really don’t want to keep waking up in the middle of the night thinking of you. Pathetic I know, because you don’t feel the same.
You don’t have to respond, it’s okay.
-Nai
(21/11/2015)
Jan 5, 2016
Jan 5, 2016 at 11:33 AM UTC
Throw me over the river bank,
Fill my pockets with all of your lies.
Drown me in the thought of you.
Jan 3, 2016
Jan 3, 2016 at 9:52 PM UTC
writing has been hard lately...
it's like i've being trapped under
this invisible bubble, thats almost
impossible to break free from.
it's hard being surrounded by people constantly
it's hard always having to fake...everything
words never come easily anymore
its almost like i have to put my fingers
down my throat and force them out.
the stress and anxiety is slowly eating
away at my soul.
as drastic and unreal as that sounds - its
true.
i can feel it, gnawing away at my feeble attempts at being normal.
n.g.
Nov 28, 2015
Nov 28, 2015 at 7:21 PM UTC