hello again--
i fell off the "write everyday because it's good for you" wagon
and instead have been reading,
and doing yoga
and trying not to wish for death,
and endless nebula of darkness and void space
cosmic light exploding over in over in the reaction
of night,
this black goes on
inside my head
this pulsing of "should i be here"
"is there a point"
"can i really do anything to change the world"
so i just float through,
sipping coffee and reading Dracula
and hoping that it's enough
for now--
Aug 27, 2017
Aug 27, 2017 at 12:31 PM UTC
jagged beast with
teeth aplenty,
keen eyes flashing
with thoughts of prey,
of me
no,
of my thoughts
just swimming in
circles wondering
when we'll meet--
Aug 16, 2017
Aug 16, 2017 at 4:47 PM UTC
this 'should be' day nine
but i'm not sure if it is--
i have such mixed emotions
floating through my head-space,
not sure if i should be sexting you
or ignoring you--
i love you--
there's no question in my mind,
but is it good?
is it healthy & sustainable?
only time will tell--
Aug 16, 2017
Aug 16, 2017 at 4:41 PM UTC
the girl
flapped her arms
until they grew,
sprouting grotesque
black limbs
feathered in darkness--
and off
she flew
into the night--
Aug 16, 2017
Aug 16, 2017 at 3:48 PM UTC
as a kid, I was excellent at mathematics
& decided 7 was my lucky number
due to it's being prime, a number
that did not fit or divide evenly with anything,
as it was for me with friends--
i've skipped day seven
and find it interesting that
with time, i'm now drawn more to 8,
the infinite purpose and divinity
found in the ability to continue on
despite the odds,
a finite existence turned mystical
as the lion of Strength
closes his mouth
and does not speak his needs this day--
the wispy spider whispers in my ear
the secrets to eternity,
this obtuse circling of a star that has long passed
i wonder what my purpose is--
i wish i was not so aggressive with you,
my need for your improvement haunts me
as i want to be held and comforted
as i've never known, a feeling i've tasted
and long for deeply--
us humans are not taught to love ourselves,
to really nurture our own hearts
& minds, to know what is is we seek
to the furthest reaches of the galaxies,
we settle, don't question, don't find
& i want more--
Aug 14, 2017
Aug 14, 2017 at 5:21 PM UTC
backwards progress
like the clock has lost
it's purpose &
decided to join the circus
**** it--
the effort has been perilous and i thought it would be alright just to hear your voice and feel your love and remember what we were working for but i'm stressed and nervous and what if i was wrong and we can't do this and it's just a solo road ahead until the landscape becomes smoother i just don't know--
i want to believe it's going to work out,
but i'm expending energy on it
that i don't have to expend worrying
when i dragged myself through
the grocery store after work and bought yarn,
the simplest of tasks
were the most soul-wrenchingly exhausting
& i want to go to bed--
is this what we need?
would you be better without me?
would i be better without you?
it hurts me to even ask
since i'd like to believe
i know what love feels like
but then maybe i'm not a good example--
there's this place
in my head far away,
my higher self lives there
in this magic forest,
Totoro and i could be kindred spirits
of thick, moist forest air
that rejuvenates the soul
just to smell the abundance,
the lust for everything & want for nothing--
i'd like to say things are getting easier
but i don't know much these days--
Aug 12, 2017
Aug 12, 2017 at 9:39 PM UTC
a light-headed
easiness is my breath,
finding footing and security
in the simple act
of breathing in
& out--
i am figuring out
what feels good, natural
like the length of leg-hair
that grows with steadfast vibrancy,
a thickness i accept
like the curves of my thighs, touching--
your words bring nurturing comfort,
this feeling of acceptance
& patience in your arms, distant
while i caress my own heart
with sweet nothings,
knowing full well we're both worth it--
Aug 11, 2017
Aug 11, 2017 at 2:04 PM UTC
scattered thoughts
but run
ning
non-
stop
breathe--
yoga s t r e t c h,
b r e a t h e
b e h e r e,
finally figuring out
how to focus on what i have,
not the lack--
waking up to your comments
& feel a jolt,
the remembrance of what i'm working for,
or what could be
once i learn
me--
Aug 10, 2017
Aug 10, 2017 at 10:02 PM UTC
my eye lids are crack ed
flaking, an abundance of tears
leaving so frequently
a multitude at once, i know for sure
the end is nigh
but i charlie brown drag,
puff puff, no pass
and clean, straighten
in hopes of piecing together the in-
side while at it--
self-reflection looms
as i stare steadily in the mirror,
spray,
wipe,
but i know you have much to learn
& i can weather my demons
or just
flush them,
if only soul depth
could be explained as simply
as wiping away the cat hair
from the bathroom sink--
Aug 9, 2017
Aug 9, 2017 at 4:21 PM UTC
utter exhaustion upon awaking,
soft patter of rain
falling gently against my window
as i toss and roll for comfort,
covers pulled up over head
to block out the indistinct gray
of a cloud-filled sky--
this indescribable need to run away,
to recluse like Dracula
in his cobwebbed castle, empty
& alone, to discover what I really need--
i like nature-filled silence,
frog croaks over the thrumming of steady showers
and delicate moth wings tasting the air,
landing on my skin to taste me too--
we can do this--
i can do this--
alone
Aug 8, 2017
Aug 8, 2017 at 3:30 PM UTC