neil-ryan
Hi i am a 42 year old goth. I love music especially Goth-Industrial-Blackmetal-Indie-Alternative 80's. I also love Fantasy, Sci-fi, Horror, Thriller, Murder-Mystery films and tv shows. Oh and a bit of a geek. / Most of the pieces are quite dark as I find it easier to write that sort of subject matter, drawing on personal experiences.
I've fallen into the abyss
Now darkness surrounds my soul
I'm lost alone and unwanted
A victim of my heart
I feel so cold
Am I dead?
Or am I dreaming?
I wish i could wake up
So i could leave this place
But what if I do wake up
And this place is reality
An Icey finger touches me
I freeze like a statue made of stone
Now death passes by me & smiles
He stares straight through me
And then dissapears into the shadows
I see a light up ahead
And move slowly towards it
A candle burns bright
My Love for you?
Cold air surrounds my body
Devils dance on the wall
Then the candle goes out
And the devils die
I watch the thin column of smoke
float away
Us drifting apart?
Has my love for you burnt out?
Or is it just a dream?
Now the darkness surrounds my soul
I'm lost, alone and unwanted
A victim of my heart
Jan 17, 2015
Jan 17, 2015 at 8:40 PM UTC
I feel alive again,
I no longer dread waking to face a new day
The darkness that held me has disappeared
& i thought it was always here to stay.
Now i stand on life's path, with a smile on my face
There is now joy in my heart, where sorrow ruled
I embrace each breath with a new purpose
I saw my heart answer when you called
I long to hold you to close to me
To share a thought, to share a smile
You fill me with an inner love
I haven't felt for a real long while
You read my mind, my hopes, my dreams
You lift my heart, my spirit when they fall
You give me a sense of what love could be
not something shackled behind an emotional wall
I want to feel your touch meet mine
To look deep into your eyes, see your soul
To kiss your sweet lips & taste your passion
I want to take your love & know there is no price no toll
I want you to take my love to
& wrap yourself in me,my arms, my love, forever
our bodies, mind & souls to be one
i want us to grow so strong, a love no-one could sever
I see you in my dreams my love
You surround me, tease me, caress me
I breath you in till i am drowned in your love
I just hope what we dream will turn out to be
Jan 17, 2015
Jan 17, 2015 at 8:38 PM UTC
The old face of love rears it's head
Unleashing feelings thought dead & buried
To the Eden I travel once more
This time wiser, this time stronger
Yet heart always rules the head
Devastating emotions build up inside
These feelings i know so well
That crippled my mind, shattered my soul
Will I need to pick up the pieces again?
Will I see my open heart crushed before my eyes
The blood dripping down as life drips away
As the pain flows through these veins
Emotions conquers mind, feelings within die
Death a friend i seem to know so well
Sits by my body cutting my wrists
So to Eden i travel once more
This time crippled, this time shattered
An emotional time bomb ticking away
The endless flow of salted tears
That hits the floor like my hopes & dreams
Always left standing alone, battered and bruised
A twist of fate, my own imprisioning gate
Holds me down, as depression eats away
My heart disolves in burning pain
Take my worthless soul in chains
And cast me into the blackest sea
Drowning, sinking, no will to live
I cannot breath you in, water all around
Swirling like images in my head
Pictures from the past and future echo
Like dark endless caves stretching out
Trying to reach you, no hand to hold
No comfort, no love, rejection all around
Like the water cold & lifeless
Breaking across the shore, the sand
My soul smashed is mocked
The laughing ringing in my ears
Madness, faces, bright lights fade
Like the wretched life left in my body
Lifes sparks snuffed out, drifting away
Like the smoke rising from a dead candle
Twisting, swirling into the night
Darkness engulfs my spirit
My essence soars no more
Eden has swallowed me whole
Jan 17, 2015
Jan 17, 2015 at 8:37 PM UTC
The dark courtyard beckons
As i cut my way through the dusk.
Only the fleeting moonlight lights my way
as i step towards the unknown.
There is a sudden flash
& a moments dizziness
As i regain my mind
& appear somewhere else in time.
Before me sits the Queen of Shadows
dressed in Autumn's Twlight
Her beauty captivates my soul
I cannot break her gaze.
She glides towards me & takes my hand
I shiver at her touch
The music starts out of nowhere
& she leads a dance with me
She moves so fast & elegant
I cannot keep up this relentless pace
I look to my feet for insperation
& stare at nothing beneath
I clutch her tightly as fear sets in
But she seems unaware of my plight
& continues the dance, as she twists & turns
We are dancing on air no ground underneath
I look into her eyes & see nothing but darkness
Her milk white skin glimmers in the moonlight
& her long black hair dances its own trail behind.
I try to let go, but to no avail
I am trapped in her clasp
& she won't let me go
She seems to look right through me
with those cold dead eyes
Maybe i am just for her amusement
Maybe i am just a figment of her imagination
Maybe i don't exist
I cannot take this no more
& scream stop so loud
my lungs feel like they would burst.
She looks at me & i think for a brief moment
i see her smile before she lets me go
& i start to fall.
I drop through the darkness
& see her become smaller & smaller
until i cannot see those eyes no more
no moon lights my way
Maybe she didn't exist
I hear the music die as i vanish without trace
falling further away from the Queen of Shadows
I am still falling through this black ocean
With no light to guide my way
& can only pray I stop falling forever
& i pray i can die to stop this torment
Jan 17, 2015
Jan 17, 2015 at 8:35 PM UTC
saw you die today
the spark ok life
which burned so bright
burns no more.
I saw you cry today
the pain of your love,
the hurt, the rejection
was just to much
& then thrown back in your face.
I saw you run today
far from this wasted life
from the emotional Hell
which you made your bed.
I saw you die today
& there was nothing i could do.
Jan 17, 2015
Jan 17, 2015 at 8:32 PM UTC
I swim in a sea of souls
I'm lost & abandoned
They swirl around me
Faces from the future
Yet I'm still alone
I float in an empty void
I'm lost & abandoned
Falling into the darkness
Through time & space
Passed people i once knew before
Yet I'm still alone
I walk through the land of the dead
I'm lost and abandoned
They whisper my name
And taught my soul
Yet I am still alone
I burn in the depths of Hell
I'm lost & abandoned
I twist & turn in pain
As other souls cry out in vain
Yet I'm still alone
I sit down beside you
I'm lost and abandoned
You hold my heart & dreams
I have your love & friendship
Yet I am still alone
Why?
Jan 17, 2015
Jan 17, 2015 at 8:31 PM UTC
I feel so alone right now
shackled by my own fears.
The way my life is in limbo
going nowhere fast.
I cannot seem to grasp the moment
Only live to rue the day
& locked inside my mind
the wasted dreams & visions.
There is so much i want to do
to accomplish & experience
Yet time is my worst enemy
who is running away with my life.
I wish for one moment
I could learn to take the dream
embrace a thousand ideas
that always pass unseen.
I guess i am my own worst enemy
& not old father time
for i am the one letting this happen
letting my life pass me by.
Jan 17, 2015
Jan 17, 2015 at 8:29 PM UTC
I stand on the path of life
& am blinded by the sun
every step I take is a step into the unknown
every step taken cannot be reclaimed
As I stumble blindly into the future
the path has many intersections along the way
I do not know which way to go until a decision is made, a choice taken.
My mind & heart are my only guides on this path through life.
As I walk through the years, the decades
sometimes the path sinks with depression
sometimes it rises & soars high above.
& sometimes it remains straight & true.
Yet I am not alone, we all walk the path
sometimes together, sometimes apart
we cross paths with many souls if only
for a brief moment, it is an experience kept
I feel I have walked for centuries across time & space
taking all the knowledge with me from one life to the next
but i know only too soon i will have my last regress
and will walk no more the path of life.
Jan 17, 2015
Jan 17, 2015 at 8:25 PM UTC
I look in the mirror
and try to understand
why the lines on my face
grow deeper each day
And I wonder why
no matter how hard i tried
my life seems to go
nowhere very fast
All my hopes and dreams
left locked in my mind
just empty ideas
so hard to find
My wasted childhood
and mis-spent youth
now lost in the past
never to reclaimed again
Jan 17, 2015
Jan 17, 2015 at 8:24 PM UTC
You are everything to me my love
When you smile you melt my heart
When we kiss your passion melts my soul
You complete me on all levels for I feel one with you
You are the angel i searched for but could only wish for
I dreamt about finding my soul mate for as long as I remember
All through the false dawns and empty broken promises
Yet i never gave up hope, then you clicked on me
I was scared and shy, did I hide that well?
I feel so alive, ok I am tired as well
You make me laugh and yes you made me cry
Yet I could not imagine my life without you
I love to be with you so much and miss you each day
I love watching you sleep and holding you close
My heart smiles when i see you and i feel warm inside
You are everything to me my love
and I hope to be everything to you.
Jan 17, 2015
Jan 17, 2015 at 8:23 PM UTC