First time in a while
I wanted to hold my
pen and stop the pain.
I realised I had to
write just to be sane.
It's not your fault. It's
mine. Now it may take
an eternity to just be
fine. For my words
will always be the best
companion and sustain
all the tantrums I throw.
Aggression, euphoria,
despondency and what
not. I would be caught
in the life's web
if it weren't for
my words. I cried, I
died, nothing could bring
me back to life. I was so
scared to write my feelings
down. Fearful of the consequences.
Fearful of the noise in my head
and the thoughts that capture
my mind. Afraid of having the
negativity in my head, I gave
up writing. Yet now I speak
in a remorseful tone that it's
never left me. It's been housing
my soul for years and I have been
dwelling on the walls of yesterday.
They say everything is changed,
but certainly I haven't. They say
weak, I say sensitive. They say
unstable I say emotional. I tried
to understand the universe in my
way but there's a whole **** universe
living inside of me. How do I fight that?
I don't see myself fitting with the most
of them. I feel upset. I cry and no
it's not going to stop. I don't
think crying makes you weak
and vulnerable. It's a way of expressing.
Every drop of tear has a story and reason
living in it. It rolls down unburdening
your heart and falls with a splash
on the ground. It's what we hold inside
and let it out. Never be sorry for it.
Since the world doesn't
seem to understand
my sensitive heart I have
always taken to writing because
no one objects a poem but
a crying face always turns into a
debatable topic.
Jan 28, 2018
Jan 28, 2018 at 7:44 AM UTC
The snow starts sticking
to the ground. Nights seem
longer. The ocean seems
more blue. The stars stop
twinkling just like your
eyes. Time stops.
My reflection in your pupil
fades away just like the sweet
scent of your cologne.
Undying melancholy and
a threnody dedicated to
the sky.
Eagles feed on corpses,
I walk on shattered glass
and you walk away.
Blood oozing out of my
wrist, I dry my tears.
A rough road that goes
nowhere. I lose myself
somewhere between
the flashbacks and nugatory
present. A present without
your presence is of no value.
As I wait for the tides to rise
and sweep me out to the sea
I wake up panting heavily just
to find you sleeping next to me.
Another nightmare filled with my
worst fears. Most importantly the
fear of separation.
Fear of losing you.
Every single minute we get closer
to death. Closer to not being
with each other. Closer to turning
into stars. A nightmare, so
strong, delineating
the right emotions
intimidates me about
how long we have
with each other? A forever?
Or just another second?
Nov 12, 2017
Nov 12, 2017 at 6:13 AM UTC
Staring right in to this
paper for days. I thought I had
lost my ability to write.
My ability to express.
A gift that I took for granted.
My feelings were just trapped
inside the cage and needed
to escape and soar high.
I couldn't bring myself to write
and the thoughts wouldn't
find words to breathe.
There was a thirst. An
aeonian ache. Heavy pounding
of my heart and an uneasy feeling
like my lungs had bronchitis.
My body unsupported the idea
of writing as I could only
write tragedies and the perpetual
pain of my once upon a time
virtuous heart. How could
I cheat on words? They had
always been there for me.
Most importantly there when
I had slit my malevolent heart
and given up.
Oct 5, 2017
Oct 5, 2017 at 11:01 AM UTC
The moment when
my heart found you, I
knew I was about to
start a new journey of
falling so hard from the
peak of the mountain
of my unsatisfied dreams.
When I see my reflection
in your pupil I feel aesthetic
as ever.
When our bodies come in
contact there's firework in
my soul forming a comely
galaxy and my mind
chanting only your name.
You take me to the stars
and erase all the tragedy
that was ever written on
my body.
When I see you smile,
Oh baby, it lights up
every lamp in the pathway
to my heart making me the
most delectable person ever.
Every since you walked in,
my heart has forgotten every
pain and is filled with abundant
love.
When you caress my hair, you poison
me with love turning every blue
flower red.
When you tell me you love
me with devotion, my soul
cries out of delectation.
Love is just an understatement
to describe my affection for you.
It's beyond words.
It's beyond all the poems I have
written for you and the poems I
will ever write.
It's beyond my ability to express.
It doesn't sit neatly in between lines
like how poetry does.
Even gazillion pages written
about you would be too less
to express my felicity.
I love you.
Aug 18, 2017
Aug 18, 2017 at 8:24 AM UTC
Rowing my boat
away from a world
where I don't fit in.
Where happiness is
not assured but sadness
is. Where the bullet
shot once cannot be
taken back just like the
words from your
filthy mouth.
Where love is just a
game and is mistaken
for lust. Where hurting
somebody is the new
cool and falling in love
is as easy falling out of
love. How harrowing is
it to watch people in
pain and yet are being
mistaken for seeking
attention and affection.
Every human needs to
be loved. Hearts break
and never make a sound.
Memories haunt and feelings
change. People leave without
giving the reason for their egress.
Empty promises and shattered
dreams. Wasted hopes and
everlasting pain of a rectitude
heart. The problem with people
like me is that we love too hard
and fall too hard. Give all of ours
without expecting even a percent
of affection in return.
But once bruised, fear and trepidation
creep in making us afraid of propinquity.
I turn back just to see the
world disappear as I row my boat.
Thinking about how my reverie
was broken and I was pushed
in to the harsh reality before
my heart could even understand
the relationship between love and pain.
Aug 7, 2017
Aug 7, 2017 at 9:22 AM UTC
You were silhouetted against
the dimming sky.
I paused right there to admire
the beauty.
A perfect blend of feelings
coursing through my veins.
A love, so pure washed away
the sorrows of yesterday.
I knew the day I had met
you it would be the last time
I would ever sing a monody,
I would ever write a tragedy
again.
Sent for me, beautifully
carved by the hands of the
creator, you had me starstruck
at the very first sight.
I will write you until your
heart is filled with my words.
Until my body is dusted
and every bone is broken.
Wrap me up in your arms
as I look in to your star like
eyes, I will love you with
every ounce in every life
no matter
how many times I die. ✨
Jul 15, 2017
Jul 15, 2017 at 4:52 AM UTC
When it just doesn't feel
home. When elation feels
out of the place. Here, I am
back again standing all alone
at the doorstep where seldom
people come. Just wrap me up
in your arms as your warmth is
greater than a bonfire's . The flashback
strikes, how the fumes of the bonfire
on that very troglodytic night burnt
my soul down and snatched away
my bundle of joy. Intemperate outbursts
of these flashbacks slowly creep in
as I ring the doorbell. I hear the pernicious
yet comforting footsteps.
With a warm smile on your face
you welcome me and stretch your
long hands to consume me.
So consoling. I know your
presence makes me feel
atrocious. I know I shouldn't
be meeting you again. You're
none other than the thing
that people fear. You're pain.
Eating away my happiness you
embrace me with sadness. Satisfaction
descends as I finally get what I deserve.
Happiness is not meant for me. I have found my home in sadness. Getting hurt
and heartaches are all that I have
experienced so far and I have realized
no matter how much happy I get, pain
always finds ways that keep me re-visiting because let's be honest who knows me
the best? Pain or happiness?
Jun 30, 2017
Jun 30, 2017 at 5:24 AM UTC
Every inch of this universe seems gloomy without you
and your name resides
in every atom of my body.
My heart teeming with so
much love to give I don't
think I can ever have enough
of you. All the drugs turn otiose
in comparison to you.
Stay here wrapped up in my arms
and let the synchronization of
our heart beats be the only rhythm
we dance on. Let the stars lean down
and waves flood the shore. Let the moon
lose it's light and the sun, it's warmth.
Just spin with me in this paradise
of insanity and love. It ain't the ordinary
feeling but a strong enraptured feeling you give me when I look in to your assuasive eyes.
Your touch brings in delectation
blooming every flower at my feet,
lighting every candle in my life.
Stay here as all our sorrow drown
in this aesthetical night. Let me sink into
those eyes and love you with every ounce.
Give me all your attention. Give me all your pain. Give me all your ailments for you no
longer have to bear them alone. Let my voice guide you home and keep you safe.
The heart that you have given me is my elixir.
Allow me to give you all I have as
my heart has chosen you and only you.
On this very galvanizing night I have
fallen yet again only if you knew.
Jun 30, 2017
Jun 30, 2017 at 5:14 AM UTC
The sky slipped into a
perfect shade of Clementine.
Standing there all alone on the
edge of the cliff wearing a yellow
endearing empire waist dress I had lost myself
somewhere between the sea and
the sunset.
All the water has it's own memory like
how we do and it's always trying to go
back to where it was.
The painful part about memories is
they only leave us wanting more.
I remember looking into your eyes
on the same spot and realized that it
was a sunset on it's own.
The same dress you loved with bright
red lipstick on my lips and my cheeks that'd turn crimson everytime you held my hand.
Now I realize how troglodytic I am
with nothing left but just a confused
state and a perturbed mind.
So incomplete. So exhausted.
I close my eyes and as the water
floods the shore I drown myself
In to another memory.
How I remember that night
when I came home crossing the seven
Seas and the distance between both of us. The ecstacy ran down my neck as I rang the doorbell just to find her entwined in your arms drinking wine from the same glass and sitting on the same couch that
we once sat on. The perplexed look on your face was certainly not what I was expecting.
But every expectation dies when the sun hits the ground.
I could see all my dreams getting lost
in the sea. I turned around took my bag
and with tears in my eyes I walked away.
You came running behind me and pulled me by my dress so hard that a part of the dress tore but I chose not to stay and continued walking.
This dress is still incomplete without that piece just like how I'm incomplete with you.
I open my eyes and just like how a modern fairytale ends I proceeded with my journey
watching the sunset that you had promised we'd watch together trying not to think how your skin felt on mine. Although it was like taking a sip of eternity. The sun, the sky and the water never tasted so good.
Apr 17, 2017
Apr 17, 2017 at 7:35 AM UTC
I had sworn that I would never
let this pop up again in my life.
But this tumultuous mind wouldn't
budge. I was so oblivious to the chaos
you had created. I hadn't realized it until people started pointing out the changes in my behavior. How could I let this happen to me?
It was probably all my fault. I probably spent too much time re-reading our old conversations and maybe lingered on to your musky, heady cologne for too long.
I probably made a big deal out of your little "miss yous" and meetups. Maybe the drunk texts meant nothing. Maybe the chocolates you got me was a friendly gesture. Maybe the fantasies I created with you stayed for too long, just in my head. I construed them to be signs. But somewhere deep down my heart knew that I would have to face the harsh reality.
I don't blame you for blaming everything on me. It was my sheer stupidity to let you turn my world upside down. All my insides ache and my lungs have given out but you still expect me to give you another chance? Not this time. We are done. Infact I was done a long time ago. I know I have been causing more harm to myself than you've. You had your chance but you let go. It is my chance to turn things right. If you can't then I have to. I need to love me too.
Mar 17, 2017
Mar 17, 2017 at 11:53 AM UTC