What leaving high school feels like to me
I woke up this morning in tears because it is Monday and I should have been getting ready for school
Then I poured my coffee to the top of the cup of course and I cried again because she taught me to pour so much coffee into a cup that you cannot even carry it
Then I sat down and lit a cigarette with tears because I clearly remember our cigarette-coffee sessions
Then I looked at my phone and it was 9:30 AM and I cried again because at that time we used to sit in the school hall watching people walk around
Then I opened messenger and I saw my texts with him and I remembered how we used to text everyday for the past couple of weeks I knew exactly what he was doing and where he was so I cried again because it never will be like that again
Then I turned on Spotify and the songs that he sent me started playing
Then I remebered last week and how we all were still together, partying, talking, having fun and I cried again
May 27, 2019
May 27, 2019 at 7:41 AM UTC
Children were running around
and she was sitting across
studying biology
So close but yet so far
With a cigarette in my right hand
I was reading cheap poetry
and thinking about life
Thinking 'bout our differences
How even thought we told each other everything
She still couldn't comprehend
the emptiness in my soul.
Apr 2, 2019
Apr 2, 2019 at 10:50 AM UTC
Love is in the air.
I guess I can't breathe.
Or be inhaled?
I've been watching couples,
with my eyes closed.
Jealous.
My heart is desperate for love.
And yet I'm sitting here alone,
waiting for a text message.
Apr 2, 2019
Apr 2, 2019 at 10:44 AM UTC
I always ask myself this question.
Why can’t I be happy?
People say that happiness is a choice.
I choose to be happy.
I f*cking choose to be happy!
I guess it doesn’t work like that.
Well, people say a lot of things.
They say that I am in my best years.
If this is best then I don’t even wanna know what comes next.
I am angry with myself
for not being able to enjoy this **** of a life.
My my, I never would have imagined this.
That someone could **** so much at living.
Dec 18, 2018
Dec 18, 2018 at 2:31 PM UTC
Do you ever feel so messy that you can’t even write about it?
Does your heart ever feel so full of emotions that you are not able to concentrate on anything else?
Does your head ever feel like it is going to explode from all the thoughts?
Do you ever want to talk to a person so badly and they are just not there for you?
Does it make you wanna scream?
Dec 11, 2018
Dec 11, 2018 at 3:02 PM UTC
Yesterday
I was too much
Too loud
Too crazy
Too loving
Too confident
Too open
Too happy
You didn’t like it
So today
I am nothing at all
Oct 3, 2018
Oct 3, 2018 at 1:05 AM UTC
My life is all about
Wanting to be heard
But not saying a ****
Oct 2, 2018
Oct 2, 2018 at 3:03 PM UTC
Sometimes when I wake up
I am screaming inside
I am screaming because
I can clearly remember my dream
And the dream wasn't perfect
But it was more
Than my life
And I want to scream
And I am fighting tears
And I want to stop existing
Oct 2, 2018
Oct 2, 2018 at 1:50 PM UTC
You said
That I can tell you anything
You said
That you are always there for me
Well it doesn’t seem like that
The other day
I told you a tiny snippet
Only a little drop in the sea
About my anxieties
About my irrational fears
I wanted to tell you for so long
But I am never going to do it again
Because the face you made when I voiced my feelings
That hurt
Your expression said that I don’t make sense
That I am crazy
That that’s totally ridiculous
That I am making it up
I mean, I can tell you the basic stuff
The everyday problems
But not about my mind
Not about my real reasons to cry
You said you want to hear
But you actually don’t
You know
it would be fine
If I had anyone else
to talk to
But you are aware that I don’t
And you make me think
that no one will ever want to listen.
Sep 12, 2018
Sep 12, 2018 at 11:45 PM UTC
I've been struggling
For so long
I've been feeling down
Like there was no hope
I haven't been able to sleep tonight
My mind has been so full
Full of thoughts
But this time
After such a long while
They are nice
I had a moment of realization
When I knew I had to write
No matter how bad this poem would turn out
I needed to share
Share that after months of sadness
Today I've had a sudden appearance of happiness
Jul 23, 2018
Jul 23, 2018 at 7:07 PM UTC