It started with a kiss
Hand in sand
He swept me into the mist
That wasn't the plan
The music rang through both our ears
Playing & playing
Delaying, delaying.
What was this
Not dominance
But a mutual self-inflicted full oneness
Acting out not a doubt
Gain some control
While the body suffices & one feels whole.
Wholeness or numbness one will never know
Whilst playing & playing
Delaying, delaying
The inevitable
Jan 13, 2021
Jan 13, 2021 at 1:40 AM UTC
Perception is a strange phenomena.
Our thoughts.
Feelings.
Ideas.
Interpretations.
They are all determined by us.
I'm not sure exactly what causes someone's sense of perception to be warped.
All I know is mine seems to be so.
Some have stated they believe me to be an intelligent articulate individual.
However when it comes to common perceptual sense, I have none.
How does one train their perception?
Is anyone really in control of the way they interpret?
Lost.
Continually lost.
Taken the wrong way.
Offending those without realising.
Socially inept.
Yet still possessing the empathy and ability to connect with all kinds of people.
Is there a simple solution to figuring myself out?
Or am I simply on a wild monkey hunt with no end in sight?
Aug 2, 2018
Aug 2, 2018 at 5:26 AM UTC
I am me.
I dislike blonde men with ****** hair.
However, I like Kurt Cobain from nirvana.
I also like allowing the rain to wash over me once in a while.
I have experienced pain.
Also heartbreak.
I thought I knew love.
I also thought I knew myself.
This I am attempting to figure out.
Depression.
It's real.
I felt it hit my soul.
I over achieve in most things I attempt.
Yet nothing is ever good enough.
No amount of external praise lifts my spirits.
Internal praise does not exist.
I consider myself bold.
Honest.
Blunt even.
I also consider myself mental.
Ugly.
Impatient.
These are a few of what makes me who I am.
Who would I be without the name I was designated?
Would the previous words define me?
Jun 5, 2018
Jun 5, 2018 at 4:47 AM UTC
Wild flowers in her soul, she refuses to trim them or let them show.
Moonlight seeping from her pores she holds the ability of being able to light up the darkest of nights.
She shines her light on all other gardens as an attempt to teach them the way to self-blossom.
Although not always successful with this transfer of energy she sometimes finds herself on the dark side of the moon; of herself.
To the darkness there is also depth, and without this depth she would be unable to share her strength through her glow.
This depth consists of all the weeds she has had to grow through and amongst, all the while encouraging them too to blossom.
This moon continues to shine, even when she herself is feeling blue, for what is the night without her?
May 1, 2018
May 1, 2018 at 5:22 PM UTC
We lay in the bed
My red singlet was all that was between the warmth of our skin
It had white polka dots on it
Do you remember?
The scent of you in the bedding was like heaven to my mind
I was in the place I had dreamt of being time and time again
This was it
This was real
We could finally be
I had began to doubt that love could ever be between two souls so incredibly lost
I felt the roughness of your hand slide over my abdomen
I so badly wanted to take that hand to places I'd never had hands before
We didn't know what love was
Having not been taught by those supposedly near
Confusion
****** anguish
Fear
I knew you were afraid
I could feel the fear you held
It was based around being afraid of hurting me
I only wonder now
Had you hurt someone before?
Or was it you who was hurt?
Within your soul the pain was evident
I didn't sleep a wink that night
I didn't want to miss a moment of your arms around me
Your warmth against me at last
The safety and security I had been without was finally within
It was love
My first love
I miss that
I know what I miss is more than an idea
More than a perception
I wonder if you miss that too.
Apr 28, 2018
Apr 28, 2018 at 1:41 AM UTC
It's not your back that hurts, but the burden.
It's not your eyes that hurt, but injustice.
It's not your head that hurts, it's your thoughts.
Not the throat, but what you don't express or say with anger.
Not the stomach that hurts, but what the soul does not digest.
It's not the liver that hurts, it's the anger.
It's not your heart that hurts, but love.
And it is love itself that contains the most powerful medicine.
- Unknown Author
Mar 26, 2018
Mar 26, 2018 at 2:21 AM UTC
Awareness.
It can be the difference between ignorance and growth.
However what if one is already aware?
Aware of all their downfalls, limitations, and areas requiring change.
Conscious awareness of the unconscious mind.
This is something that is a blessing and also a curse.
Blessing in the sense that one can now see.
Curse, however, as one now has sight.
Eyesight.
Insight.
No more blindsight.
Awareness triggers the spark of a new journey.
A fresh beginning which brings with it a treacherous path ahead.
No more bliss of ignorance.
Avoidance must dissipate.
Unconscious behaviour now on the surface.
What is to come through this odyssey of awakening?
Acceptance.
A heightened sense of consciousness.
And immeasurable growth now takes the place of the prior lack of understanding relating to ones self.
Much like a budding flower, it is only when one is comfortable within themselves and their environment that they are able to blossom with the light and become beautiful.
Let the light shine on you.
From within you.
Feed the light with your goodness.
For soon you too can live in a state of holistic enlightenment.
Mar 7, 2018
Mar 7, 2018 at 4:35 AM UTC
Betrayal.
That's where it began.
I felt my womb retract deep within my being.
There was a tie between this and my heart, although broken, this I knew.
My heart became overcome with pain, fear, disbelief.
I felt it stop repeatedly.
Beats irregular.
Stunted.
Deafening.
Crumbling into a heap on the grass I cradled my womb as I rocked back and forth, hoping this may stop the pain and retching occurring from within.
Time and space became distorted.
Sound too.
Everything within was shattered.
My spirit was broken.
My skin crawling with terror at the mere fact of my deepest fears now occurring before my eyes.
My physical being attempted to expel the trauma through emesis.
Wailing as an attempt to free the terminal despair.
This was unsuccessful.
I have never felt my eyes flow so extensively in such a small amount of time.
No matter what I done, I was left in a torturous state of hysteria.
How could he rip my heart, womb, soul and trust apart.
Everything I gave.
Everything he said.
Everything we made.
Gone.
Mar 1, 2018
Mar 1, 2018 at 4:32 PM UTC
The womb in my view is the most emotively eloquent aspect of a woman.
I believe the womb is the source of unlocking true love.
For when a woman gifts her womb to a man, it is then that she learns to love unconditionally.
Before this ability is unlocked, she will never know.
Personally, I have wholeheartedly devoted my womb to one man on two occasions.
This is the man I plan to marry.
This is the man I released my soul unto.
This.
Is the man.
During the first occasion is when I learned what true love felt like, from within my soul.
There was no other person on this earth to which I had devoted my entirety to.
I felt the flow of my energy intertwine with his as together we combined to form the ultimate gift of life.
There was something incredibly compelling when our two souls became one, forever coupled.
The second time I relinquished my womb it did not go as planned.
There was still true love involved, however this time I believe a tragedy was required in order for emotions to flow freely between two souls.
There was a blockage between the two, built from the pain of time and the ease that distance can entail.
However, together, two were able to accept this blockage and work on letting love flow, for love is what heals pain in my view.
More time passed
Along with this time came strength, autonomy, and independence
All still within the unity that was.
The bond was unbreakable.
Was.
Mar 1, 2018
Mar 1, 2018 at 3:06 AM UTC
There was a pool.
A deep pool of watery emotion.
I must keep my head above water to survive.
For years that's what I've done.
Circumstances drew my being into the deep unknown.
As long as I may keep my head above water, surely I will sustain life.
The water seemed black,
Tarnished
The darkness trickling from every pore of my body.
I was slumped in a whirlpool laden with dismay.
On a mission to seek safety, I constantly held my head above water.
There came a time where I felt as though I no longer had the strength to stay safe.
My energy was becoming exhausted
I felt a weight dragging me under, prompting me to sink.
All I could see was the darkness.
I felt the misery penetrate my inner being as my lips took one last breath before relinquishing myself to immorality.
I pierced my eyes closed, as tight as I could as an attempt to keep the unlit from entering my perception.
Although plagued by fear of this darkness and essentially the unknown, I knew I had to fight.
And by fight I mean surrender, for fighting is all I have ever done.
Opening my eyes I felt the battle be drawn from my psyche.
I let go of the connection.
The preexisting negative prejudice and judgement floated to nothingness.
By taking away the battle, so to was the darkness and associated distress.
The whirlpool of water which I always believed to be darkness suddenly appeared as still, pure, clean, and clear water which flowed through my every pore.
Dignity returned.
Happiness too.
There was now only light overflowing my inner self.
Cleansed and free, I finally found safety.
Feb 7, 2018
Feb 7, 2018 at 5:49 PM UTC