There I was at Death's door,
I recognized it from years before-
I yelled," Hey it's me again."
I heard "Hey Me,where the hell ya been?"@
Feb 6, 2021
Feb 6, 2021 at 8:58 AM UTC
Alone one egg can be a meal.
Alone I can watch whatever I want on tv,
And no one is tellimg me to change the station.
Alone I can turn off the tv and read a book,
And no one is telling me to turn out the light.
Alone I can turn on the radio and sing as loud as I want to,
And no one is telling me I sing off key.
Alone I could stay up all night if I feel like it,
And no one is telling me to come to bed.
Alone I can sleepon which ever side of the bed Id like,
Icould run through the house naked ,screaming at the top of my lungs and no one would ever hear me.
I could curse outloud for just no reason what so ever.
I don't have to worry about putting onnmy makeup.
I dont even have to comb my hair.
Or put the cap back on the toothpaste
Alone I could eat a whole pint of icecream all to myself,
And nobody would ever even know...
Or care.....
And alone....I....
....and I'm alone......
.........and I hate it!!
Mar 23, 2020
Mar 23, 2020 at 5:34 PM UTC
Hide and Seek.....
..... Is no fun-
When they all go home....
.....and leave you hiding!!
Feb 15, 2020
Feb 15, 2020 at 3:34 AM UTC
There is sometimes-
A Lock & Key....
Between Heart.
That can only
Be opened-
With a Word....
If its Heard.
So-
Dont Ask Me to Talk....
........Just LISTEN!!!
Feb 15, 2020
Feb 15, 2020 at 3:26 AM UTC
There must be
some measure
of pleasure
in losing--
.......why else would anyone play solitaire?
Feb 15, 2020
Feb 15, 2020 at 3:13 AM UTC
I found the Valentine you gave me in 2015,
Just a month before you "CONTRACTED THE 'MAN-MADE' AIR BORNE VIRUS (That everyone is exposed to but, that effects everyone differently )
In your case it effected your immune system to attack your own heart."
By the time we go to the Emergency Room they said that the damage done could not be repaired and your heart was only functioning 10% of what a normal 44 year old. They told us without a heart transplant you were going to die. Then they told us that in order to qualify for a heart transplant you would have had to be at least 20%or better.
When the transplant team came in to see you and let you know that they were nolonger going to be a part of your care...You wouldnt be needing their services. You were all smiles and shook every ones hand. T he phone rang and you told your boss that " Yeah...the transplant team just left...they said that I dont need them after all... let everybody know and tell them all thanks for the prayers and well wishes...as soon as they get me out of ICU they will be allowed to vist." You said you didnt know yet when but you'd call as soon as you found out.
You accepted the congradulations your boss made an announcement to your co workers and everybody cheered . "Right On!" Somebody yelled Clapping and whistling" Way to GO!!" We Love you Dave!"GetWell" ...
Love You Guys Ill See You Soon!"
I watched from my chair by the window. You with tubes and wires and hoses hooked up to monitors beeping and Machines a huge thing cslled a plasma blaster was trying to eliminate every single white blood cell to stop your immune systems attack... it was now after your liver and your kidneys. They were also using chemo . They were doing everything they could..
The heart surgeon was standing out side the room trying to get my attention when I caught him waving out the corner of my eye. I nodded to the doctor and raised my index finger and tilted my head in your direction.
A s I walked over to you I had tunnel vision I dont know how my legs were making strides so that each foot could rise and fall and create a step . All I could see was you with dark circles under both eyes, and sweat beaded up on your brow and upper lip . A huge smile the first time you smiled the whole time wed been there.
" Honey dial Art's number on speaker phone... I gotta tell Art."
I dialed the number and kissed your cheek and said Id be right back I needed to go have a drag off a smoke.
"OKAY ,YEAH ,YEAH GO AHEAD."
It wasn't forty minutes ago that you looked at me in desparation and fear.
"PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME. PLEASE! Please just stay right here.. hold my hand and dont let go..
I Promised, "It's okay " I said, " I will not let you out of my sight. "
I turned to face the door ,still wondering how my body was managing to function..All I really want3d to do was collaps...curl upand wrap my arms around my legs as tight as I could.
" Please God, Not again.WHY.?? HOW COULD YOU BE SO ******* CRUEL.? What is it that I need to learn for you to stop hurting me like this?? NO...I GET IT NOW... it's not God at all....but Satan who is doing this...but then where is God??Hello??!! EXCUSE ME.?!!, I could use a little help here...DO YA MIND.??? YA think maybe just this once,.. oh man....I have lost my mind completely
..this is an hallucination... BAD TRIP,!...... I had already tried to convince myself that this was all just a crazy dream. Slapping water hard on my face! "COMMON...WAKE THE **** UP"
I Barely noticed the tears had begun to stream down my face. I heard "Hey Bud Whats going on we are just pulling into the parking garage,,whats happening now?,?!?!
I wondered what awful news the Dr . had this time. This ******* was the one who came in to say , Even if we did everything exactly right we were probly looking at 3 weeks tops before it would be over. " I jumped up off the side of the bed where I was standing guard and asking what medicine they were giving him ,what was it for, what could go wrong if he took it what would happ en if he didnt. What their name was, Nurse or doctor? I had been writing everything down.
.I startled him too, "ALRIGHT THATS IT,!" I marched to the door hung on to the handle with one hand and pointed to the hallway with with the other "GET THE **** OUT!!" Who the **** do you think you are? Who the hell does he think he is I said to the nurse as she quickly darted out into the hallway to the nurses station where all the nurse stood with shocked looks ontheir faces. "DO YOU HAVE AN OUNCE OF COMPASSION IN THAT PEWNIE,LITTLE MAN,SMUG, SO FULL OF YOUR SELF THAT YOU CANT TREAT PEOPLE WITH A LITTLE DIGNITY....NO RESPECT FOR ANYBODY BUT THE GUY WHOSE CALLING THE SHOTS RIGHT.!? DAVE,?
.! Thats it we got to get you the hell out of here these people are ******* sociopaths!!"
He looked as though they drew straws to have to come again and he had lost.As long as they didnt stop you from this tiny bit of hope, you were having ....I could faintly hear you telling your best friend your great news.... I could hear the confusion in his voice as he questioned you. "What?!?! WAIT..NOW...WHAT DID THEY SAY ...EXACTLY...,!!" You did say verbatim exactly what they said..To your boss too.
The Doctor had a picture of a human heart and he is telling me that they have had success with a mediicine called milrinone ....to help the heart pump strong enough but that it can only be used for a short time and in order to give it a try they would have to insert a catheter directly into the small amount of his heart that isnt just dead tissue.."DEAD TISSUE.?? Its just dead??If its dead does that mean its going to rot in there?? Like gain green or something . Youd going to take him and cut his heart out arent you?!?! Dead Tissue! " I said, Thats bull **** I have never in my life heard EVER of any of this ****
" This is up to Dave, You talk...I will translate ...If he doesnr want to do it then we are going to get REAL second opinion!! "
You were so happy younwerent going to have to have a heart transplanr that you agreed to the milrinone. . You started feeling pretty good right away.. .They said you could b2 on thw mil3inone 6mo. Then they would wean you off and that would be it.
Feb 14, 2020
Feb 14, 2020 at 11:41 PM UTC
Please dont worry.
Don't be afraid.
You've done your best
out of this mess...
This so called life
has made.
Don't be scared.
Go to the light ...
your angel's waiting there.
Feb 11, 2020
Feb 11, 2020 at 4:41 PM UTC
I can only imagine his life til now,
And that he has survived some how.
A scar that goes clear around his neck.
I saw it and thought,"What the heck?!?!"
And burn marks on his little feet,
I once thought from the cold but now i think from heat.
He shys away from being touched
By those he doesnt know that much.
But when he comes into my room
And the door shuts to impending doom.
He paces the length of my bed,
When he comes back he butts my head.
He kneeds the blankets in hes paws.
Forgetting just how sharp his claws.
He purrs in tones with such delight.
The slightest sound gives him a fright.
"Its okay, come here and sleep!"
He plops beside meand nestles in deep.
With one eye open he sees me smile...
And there he sleeps a little while.
May 29, 2018
May 29, 2018 at 3:39 AM UTC
I dont care if it takes all day . Im gonna find the time,Im gonna find a way. And even if It takes all night , Its okay....Thats alright. I dont know enough about this stuff. But its time I did, Its about time I do. Cause its up to me,l cant count on you. I hope you understand .I hope you do it too. I m gonna do me. And You should do you too.
Apr 15, 2016
Apr 15, 2016 at 8:13 PM UTC
I cant even try .
It makes me want to die.
I listen to you lie.
And I remember why.
Icant have you in my life.
Your always causing strife.
Thats what makes you HIGH.
Your always trying to pry,
And you manipulate my time.
Your always ******* with my mind.
I sit here and I cry....
I cant have this in my life.
I dont know how to say goodbye.
Apr 15, 2016
Apr 15, 2016 at 12:03 PM UTC