mybarefootdrive - Hello Poetry

Sometimes I wonder How many others have frequented this same spot, have felt heavy limbs drop. Passive to what came next- As if no amount of questioning could save their fate. Have had their heart broken at King's Cross Station.. What possessed you to purchase a one way train ticket- skipping school, breaking a perfect attendance record seemingly on a whim? Starting a new term, boredom ensued, adventure beckoned. Recent changes in behaviour surely set the scene. Were you summoned by false promises- Lured into the arms of a man you felt compelled to meet On a week day, in the city? I could have sat in the same train carriage I could have met your eye. Remembering the whirlwind that was, 14. Writing in a diary no one would ever read. Shredding into pieces, aged 18. Forgive me, I couldn't fathom seeing 18, at, 14. Far fetched in forgetting time marches on, being stuck in a place of pain. Clinging on to suggestive song lyrics, suggesting being Queer was okay. Did he tell you it would be Okay? You wore your favourite band t-shirt, had awoken late in an irritable mood that morning. Out of character, they said. They traced any internet activity any possible CCTV sightings. You had lost a mobile phone over a year ago. The trail of answers quickly ran cold the stream of questions would never end. Your dad felt you might have struggled with your sexuality though you never explicitly said anything. Shame can embody you, silence you. At 14 it can surely threaten to suffocate you! I still ache for the shame I let cover curious green eyes, for the sugar mouse she promised me at 14, for the arms I kept by my sides. ''It gets better'' is the narrative attempt to reassure you on YouTube, but how many difficult years must first pass until it is bearable? Hindsight is a luxury afforded only with time. Sometimes I wonder How many others have frequented this same spot, have felt heavy limbs drop. Passive to what came next- As if no amount of questioning could save their fate. Have had their heart broken at King's Cross Station?

0

May 28, 2020

May 28, 2020 at 6:47 PM UTC

Still Missing

Sometimes I wonder How many others have frequented this same spot, have felt heavy limbs drop. Passive to what came next- As if no amount of questioning could save their fate. Have had their heart broken at King's Cross Station.. What possessed you to purchase a one way train ticket- skipping school, breaking a perfect attendance record seemingly on a whim? Starting a new term, boredom ensued, adventure beckoned. Recent changes in behaviour surely set the scene. Were you summoned by false promises- Lured into the arms of a man you felt compelled to meet On a week day, in the city? I could have sat in the same train carriage I could have met your eye. Remembering the whirlwind that was, 14. Writing in a diary no one would ever read. Shredding into pieces, aged 18. Forgive me, I couldn't fathom seeing 18, at, 14. Far fetched in forgetting time marches on, being stuck in a place of pain. Clinging on to suggestive song lyrics, suggesting being Queer was okay. Did he tell you it would be Okay? You wore your favourite band t-shirt, had awoken late in an irritable mood that morning. Out of character, they said. They traced any internet activity any possible CCTV sightings. You had lost a mobile phone over a year ago. The trail of answers quickly ran cold the stream of questions would never end. Your dad felt you might have struggled with your sexuality though you never explicitly said anything. Shame can embody you, silence you. At 14 it can surely threaten to suffocate you! I still ache for the shame I let cover curious green eyes, for the sugar mouse she promised me at 14, for the arms I kept by my sides. ''It gets better'' is the narrative attempt to reassure you on YouTube, but how many difficult years must first pass until it is bearable? Hindsight is a luxury afforded only with time. Sometimes I wonder How many others have frequented this same spot, have felt heavy limbs drop. Passive to what came next- As if no amount of questioning could save their fate. Have had their heart broken at King's Cross Station?

53

It was the weight of you sat resting against my knees. The ease with which your features lit up around me. "He likes boys" you tell me. And I smile back, as wide as I can stretch my lips. I try to make my face beam like his. I try to match his effortless moon face. And remember what it is like to thrive off simple joys. For I am 28, and felt the cynicism of life's scorn. I have weathered worn skin and a patch of white hairs in my beard. But, I swear I will never let you see the furrowed brow of a frown around me. And I thought of being a father and it struck me how natural holding someone else's son felt. I couldn't help but steal nervous glances at his father for fear of taking his place. Walking straight into it, as if putting on his shoes.

0

May 19, 2020

May 19, 2020 at 7:53 AM UTC

Putting On His Shoes

It was the weight of you sat resting against my knees. The ease with which your features lit up around me. "He likes boys" you tell me. And I smile back, as wide as I can stretch my lips. I try to make my face beam like his. I try to match his effortless moon face. And remember what it is like to thrive off simple joys. For I am 28, and felt the cynicism of life's scorn. I have weathered worn skin and a patch of white hairs in my beard. But, I swear I will never let you see the furrowed brow of a frown around me. And I thought of being a father and it struck me how natural holding someone else's son felt. I couldn't help but steal nervous glances at his father for fear of taking his place. Walking straight into it, as if putting on his shoes.

14

In the secret passageway where we had been hiding out, avoiding the end of term Information Technology lesson H and I explored our similarities and differences. You were a scholarship girl, a bright 12, to my slow to develop, 13. You turned to leave, leave me with your pearls of wisdom utterances which would simultaneously excite and unnerve me. Do you know I looked up the word lesbian for the second time? You rattled me, poking at me, unlayering like an onion. I extended my hand before my mind could take on the full summit of actions and direct consequences, of implications. My body took the lead, you whipped around, your mouth agape, ''H'', a hoarse whisper and a quizzical yet knowing look. You held my gaze and we both knew at that moment the truth that lived between us.

0

Oct 25, 2018

Oct 25, 2018 at 9:14 PM UTC

Aged 13

In the secret passageway where we had been hiding out, avoiding the end of term Information Technology lesson H and I explored our similarities and differences. You were a scholarship girl, a bright 12, to my slow to develop, 13. You turned to leave, leave me with your pearls of wisdom utterances which would simultaneously excite and unnerve me. Do you know I looked up the word lesbian for the second time? You rattled me, poking at me, unlayering like an onion. I extended my hand before my mind could take on the full summit of actions and direct consequences, of implications. My body took the lead, you whipped around, your mouth agape, ''H'', a hoarse whisper and a quizzical yet knowing look. You held my gaze and we both knew at that moment the truth that lived between us.

10

I have only ever kept two cards in my lifetime. Both I treasure. One of which my brother called me his brother for the first time. It only took 29 years. The other, you addressed me as ''darling'' inside. You can see how much you mean to me. The closest I have ever got to the real thing.

0

May 9, 2018

May 9, 2018 at 4:35 PM UTC

Two Treasured Cards

I have only ever kept two cards in my lifetime. Both I treasure. One of which my brother called me his brother for the first time. It only took 29 years. The other, you addressed me as ''darling'' inside. You can see how much you mean to me. The closest I have ever got to the real thing.

7

Sometimes it feels like a distant memory, there is fog in its place. But I see the plea in your eyes and I try my hardest to remember. Hanging off my every word, and you use adjectives that have not been subject to my ears for ever such a long time. Amazing. The spark in your eyes flaring, wildly. Excitedly.

0

Jan 28, 2017

Jan 28, 2017 at 6:04 PM UTC

You Are Where I Used to Be

Sometimes it feels like a distant memory, there is fog in its place. But I see the plea in your eyes and I try my hardest to remember. Hanging off my every word, and you use adjectives that have not been subject to my ears for ever such a long time. Amazing. The spark in your eyes flaring, wildly. Excitedly.

11

Its getting increasingly closer.. We're getting increasingly closer. Opening up is like moving a dam thats been lodged tightly in place for years. And what if all you see is rupture underneath? Sometimes I'm not sure if I have feeling left in the vicinity of this body so many numbed 'I'm fines' over the years. But what if someone was really listening? What if you touched me and my body responded in the form of a deep set howl? A wail of tears neither of us are prepared for- because I've worn my vulnerability on every corner of this face and I shake, I stutter, when I even muster the courage to allow syllables leave my mouth. And too many associated memories.. I try and allow myself to forgive- myself.

0

Nov 13, 2016

Nov 13, 2016 at 9:36 PM UTC

Closer

Its getting increasingly closer.. We're getting increasingly closer. Opening up is like moving a dam thats been lodged tightly in place for years. And what if all you see is rupture underneath? Sometimes I'm not sure if I have feeling left in the vicinity of this body so many numbed 'I'm fines' over the years. But what if someone was really listening? What if you touched me and my body responded in the form of a deep set howl? A wail of tears neither of us are prepared for- because I've worn my vulnerability on every corner of this face and I shake, I stutter, when I even muster the courage to allow syllables leave my mouth. And too many associated memories.. I try and allow myself to forgive- myself.

16

Sometimes I think of her as I am pursued by him. When do you know to ask a woman out? When is the line from friendly chat to potential dating material moved? I'd have liked to think my past could clarify situations like this- but I am oblivious, haven't the foggiest. The testosterone has provided a thick mist of confusion, a smog, its flooded my brain, nothing will ever be the same. A barrier between myself and my most protected feelings. Sure, I'd kiss him, it'd probably feel nice, but I'd like to spend more time talking to her, really talking. If *** was an experience in making love if we ran out of conversation and wanted our bodies to fill in the rest. If it just felt good to be close to somebody.

0

Sep 22, 2016

Sep 22, 2016 at 7:35 PM UTC

Oblivious

Sometimes I think of her as I am pursued by him. When do you know to ask a woman out? When is the line from friendly chat to potential dating material moved? I'd have liked to think my past could clarify situations like this- but I am oblivious, haven't the foggiest. The testosterone has provided a thick mist of confusion, a smog, its flooded my brain, nothing will ever be the same. A barrier between myself and my most protected feelings. Sure, I'd kiss him, it'd probably feel nice, but I'd like to spend more time talking to her, really talking. If *** was an experience in making love if we ran out of conversation and wanted our bodies to fill in the rest. If it just felt good to be close to somebody.

16

I haven't been able to shake the feelings, the emotional investment of my last kiss. For many years, I gave my body to a whole host of people- but stopped at my heart. I told her how ''lucky'' I felt, on our first date, as I put my arm around her, a year of knowing of her from mutual friends. Of flirting, teasing, longing. Her head moved towards mine in what felt like slow motion, my own head a whirlwind. Our first kiss quickly became several.. And, finally, our last. I found it hard to find the right words - sometimes I just made sounds. She picked up the emotion. When I could speak- I gushed at how beautiful I found her, it turned into a grand declaration, even I wasn’t fully prepared for. I am not one for shouting, but the passion found its way into my voice and took full flight as I revealed how I felt. I never wanted to regret not telling her how I felt. Having this rare intimate, fleeting moment with her. I could not help but moan and groan until her lips found their way back to mine. As if giving me life. I felt like a sailor who'd finally made his way home. I emptied the entire contents of my heart, despite knowing, less is more, I poured out my adoration. It probably wasn't appropriate in a public space but we melded together and I melted before we barely touched. I fell so hard before and after. I just want to want somebody again.

0

Aug 21, 2016

Aug 21, 2016 at 10:02 PM UTC

To Want Somebody.

I haven't been able to shake the feelings, the emotional investment of my last kiss. For many years, I gave my body to a whole host of people- but stopped at my heart. I told her how ''lucky'' I felt, on our first date, as I put my arm around her, a year of knowing of her from mutual friends. Of flirting, teasing, longing. Her head moved towards mine in what felt like slow motion, my own head a whirlwind. Our first kiss quickly became several.. And, finally, our last. I found it hard to find the right words - sometimes I just made sounds. She picked up the emotion. When I could speak- I gushed at how beautiful I found her, it turned into a grand declaration, even I wasn’t fully prepared for. I am not one for shouting, but the passion found its way into my voice and took full flight as I revealed how I felt. I never wanted to regret not telling her how I felt. Having this rare intimate, fleeting moment with her. I could not help but moan and groan until her lips found their way back to mine. As if giving me life. I felt like a sailor who'd finally made his way home. I emptied the entire contents of my heart, despite knowing, less is more, I poured out my adoration. It probably wasn't appropriate in a public space but we melded together and I melted before we barely touched. I fell so hard before and after. I just want to want somebody again.

24

L.S.D 4 M.F.B I should never have made light of illegal substances. I'd never have known such a substance would get to your head, your blood stream, cloud your vision, leave me. L.S.D 4 M.F.B You lit tea- lights, black out. Arm placed round my waist, led me into your haven, eyes wide open. L.S.D 4 M.F.B Body curled around me. Strobe lights in a club, hands on another, eyes glazed over. Shock injected- my trip ends. If I could take back a flippant remark, something I was proud of, joked about. I'd run from light to dark. I'd have kept my mouth shut. I'd have shut right up. Shut the **** up.

0

Mar 27, 2016

Mar 27, 2016 at 2:01 PM UTC

Modern Day Love Story (2008)

L.S.D 4 M.F.B I should never have made light of illegal substances. I'd never have known such a substance would get to your head, your blood stream, cloud your vision, leave me. L.S.D 4 M.F.B You lit tea- lights, black out. Arm placed round my waist, led me into your haven, eyes wide open. L.S.D 4 M.F.B Body curled around me. Strobe lights in a club, hands on another, eyes glazed over. Shock injected- my trip ends. If I could take back a flippant remark, something I was proud of, joked about. I'd run from light to dark. I'd have kept my mouth shut. I'd have shut right up. Shut the **** up.

26

And they asked me if I knew that boy and boy did I know that boy! And they delivered a sentence to cause a quick, sharp movement on my part. And at this point I thank my lucky stars there is a door between us. My face is doing funny things and I haven't the slightest moment nor the power to stop it. And I am not sure if I want to weep or scream, my body nears convulsion- I slowly think about what this means. I curled back into myself, withdrawing my friendly hand. But my body was telling me; I was safe all along.

0

Mar 27, 2016

Mar 27, 2016 at 1:55 PM UTC

Safe (2010)

And they asked me if I knew that boy and boy did I know that boy! And they delivered a sentence to cause a quick, sharp movement on my part. And at this point I thank my lucky stars there is a door between us. My face is doing funny things and I haven't the slightest moment nor the power to stop it. And I am not sure if I want to weep or scream, my body nears convulsion- I slowly think about what this means. I curled back into myself, withdrawing my friendly hand. But my body was telling me; I was safe all along.

7