I don’t fight to stay alive. I fight to function.
I fight for those who need me, for those who would blame themselves.
I fight for those good days.
The ones where my body is my friend.
The memories I can make on those days are the ones that keep me going.
Nov 27, 2020
Nov 27, 2020 at 3:32 AM UTC
I don’t want to be a prisoner of my past.
I am building my life on the foundation of rock bottom.
My house has windows that look out over the meadows of the future where my children will play.
My house has a front porch painted yellow, where my husband and I will sit and rock in our chairs singing the songs of happier days yet to come.
I am building my house on this solid rock, reaching up to the heavens for guidance.
I will not be a prisoner of things I cannot change.
I am a survivor, I am strong, and I am building my house.
Nov 27, 2020
Nov 27, 2020 at 3:29 AM UTC
I drink so I don’t want to **** myself.
I drink to forget the day.
My sorrows are washed away with each sip I take
Of that magical nectar.
Sobriety is hard.
When the alcohol is like a siren
Calling out for just one more date
It’ll be the death of me one day
But at least it won’t hurt.
Nov 27, 2020
Nov 27, 2020 at 2:46 AM UTC
I don’t want to be sober.
I don’t want to have to be sober.
But I want to be healthy and if I can’t control my drinking then I need help.
Self control has never been what I’m best at.
I want to go out to the bars with my friends and enjoy alcohol that way.
Not drink myself into the next dimension at 1am so that I don’t **** myself.
I want to tell my parents.
But I can’t stand the thought of adding another reason for them to be disappointed in me.
I’m not ready for the accountability and pressure of someone breathing down my neck.
I don’t want to be sober.
I just want to be normal.
Nov 27, 2020
Nov 27, 2020 at 2:45 AM UTC
I’m tired of writing poems about suicide. I want to write about the trees, how they dance in the wind, and how mother nature’s artistry shows through the leaves as autumn approaches. But it’s hard to write about the beauty of this world when every thought is consuming you, telling you to leave.
Oct 14, 2020
Oct 14, 2020 at 4:57 AM UTC
I want you to know
You are stronger than you think
You will be okay
Even with me gone
Hold close to our memories
They’re all you have left
Thanks for the flowers
And the bruises you left me
May they never fade
I want you to know
I loved you in so many ways
But I’m letting go
So goodbye to you
My dearest almost lover
My heart still awaits
Oct 14, 2020
Oct 14, 2020 at 4:56 AM UTC
I am so tired.
I wake up every day more exhausted than the last.
I’m tired of fighting my body,
Through a war I know I cannot win.
I feel like I’m constantly fighting gravity just to stand on my own two feet.
I don’t trust myself when I’m alone,
And I only feel alive when I’m with you,
So please don’t get mad if I hug you a little bit longer,
Or ask to hold your hand,
Because I am so tired
And you are what I’m fighting for.
Oct 8, 2020
Oct 8, 2020 at 4:15 AM UTC
I like my body when it's with you. You make me feel perfectly imperfect. You're my greatest cheerleader and my worst critic. You know me better than anyone else. You've seen me at my worst, and somehow still want to stick around to see me at my best. You hold the roadmap to my body, knowing every curve, taking some at 110 miles per hour. You know my boundaries and you push my limits. I feel on top of the world when I'm with you. There are days where I'm starved for your touch, the same one that makes me feel loved. You took the quiet girl and made her scream. "Scream for daddy." I've told you once, and I'll say it again. You've got me ****** I've tried. I can't kiss anyone else without thinking of you. You're my best friend, and I wouldn't trade you for the world. But you've got me ****** You make me want to scream in frustration, in excitement, in moans of pleasure, in gasps of pain. Your hands feel like lightning and they're just as powerful with each strike. You take my breath away in a heartbeat. Each shake of my leg is beg for your touch. Is that what I have to do? Beg? Please daddy, harder. You make me want you in every way.
Sep 22, 2020
Sep 22, 2020 at 3:42 AM UTC
To my sobriety:
I am afraid.
But I am brave.
I hate you.
But I will not misbehave.
I am broken.
I am determined.
I am tempted.
But I maintain my distance from bourbon.
For once my mind is clear.
But there’s a new kind of turmoil in my head.
I’m afraid of the fire.
But I have made my bed.
Sep 19, 2020
Sep 19, 2020 at 7:11 PM UTC
I don't know how to express to you in a non-toxic way that you make me want to **** myself. And I know that isn't your responsibility to carry, but I swore there was some part of you that cared about me.
Jul 17, 2020
Jul 17, 2020 at 7:11 PM UTC