i will not fabricate the world and i will not lie about the people in it either. i will warn her about the boy across the street with hands like fire and kisses that will melt you into a parallel universe. i will inform her about the very first day her demons say hello to her and i will teach her how to fight them. if she should ever feel broken i will promise her that she is not irreparable and duct tape goes a very long way. i will tell her to look before she falls because inside every boy is a black hole and sometimes they let you fall into it. i will remind her everyday of how beautiful she is because i was never told that growing up and well, look where that got me. if i should have a daughter i will raise her the right way - i will tell her everything my parents never told me because there is nothing worse than waking up one day and realizing you have been lied to your whole life.
Apr 6, 2014
Apr 6, 2014 at 8:22 PM UTC
i stared at the blank television screen,
and in some weird way i related to it.
the black, void picture is my happiness.
my happiness is empty, gone, void.
the only difference is
with a simple motion of my finger
i can roar the screen back to life.
and i've tried everything to rekindle my happiness -
it hasn't worked out.
Jan 12, 2014
Jan 12, 2014 at 2:42 AM UTC
after this is all said and done,
i can only hope that someone out there can find the hidden galaxies in my bones,
i hope someone finds the stars in my eyes and the moon in my mind; the rest of me is wrecked.
my smile no longer reflects the suns radiant rays, my smile is now dark - so to speak. (much like the sky without the stars gleaming down on us.)
i no longer possess the milky way in my heart, you barged into my heart and stole everything stellar about me.
due to the damage you have caused me, my heart is dark too, like the attic was that night you brought me up there to stargaze.
i didn't know you stole the stars from my heart and put them in the sky.
i hope you like the stars you stole from me.
Jan 3, 2014
Jan 3, 2014 at 10:07 PM UTC
i try to write poetry on a wide variety of topics but somehow every **** poem i write seems to come back to the topic of you. i cannot write about silence without relating it to the everlasting silence that has fallen between us. i cannot write about love without thinking about those feelings we once had for each other and those few short months we shared. i cannot write about the stars or the sand on the beach or even the moon without thinking of those times we spent at the beach, laying on the sand at midnight counting the stars. i cannot even write about ******* sadness without it somehow reminding me of what i constantly feel when i am apart from you. i can't write about anything except for you. you. you. you. that is all my vocabulary contains. you. you. you. you're all i think about. **** you.
Jan 3, 2014
Jan 3, 2014 at 9:53 PM UTC
are you doing well? i hope you are.
(deleted)
christmas is coming up. all i really wanted was to spend it with you.
(deleted)
it's becoming increasingly difficult to rest without your soft breaths to lull me to sleep.
(deleted)
every single poem i've written in the last two months has been about you.
(deleted)
i hear your laugh in mine, sometimes.
(deleted)
your voice is the only thing that occupies my mind now. you've taken me over completely.
(deleted)
i'm not sure if you broke my heart or if i broke my own heart by letting you in.
(deleted)
do you write about me like you used to?
(deleted)
remember when we watched the great gatsby together? i still look at you like gatsby looked at daisy.
(deleted)
you mean everything to me. you always have.
(deleted)
i hate that i can't stop loving you. why was it so easy for you to stop loving me?
(deleted)
you are my augustus waters.
(deleted)
in the famous words of kate moss: "you're in my veins, you ****
(deleted)
i am always wanting to start a conversation with you, but never knowing how to start it.
(deleted)
i think i love you more than i did before. i'm sorry it took us to separate for me to realize that.
(deleted)
i am in tears while writing this. it seems that whenever i think about you my eyes betray me.
(deleted)
i am still trying to figure out where we went wrong.
(deleted)
i had expected to feel bitter after you left. all i feel is nostalgic.
(deleted)
despite everything, i honestly hope you are happy.
(deleted)
i think i'll always get butterflies when i think about our first kiss. i'll always get butterflies
when i think about you, and what we used to have.
(deleted)
Dec 23, 2013
Dec 23, 2013 at 12:04 PM UTC
Dear Bull,
It's not even been 24 hours since you've passed and I already miss you. I know you were eight years old but I still believe you were taken from us too soon. I've been crying all day and I don't know how I'm going to cope without my best friend by my side. I truly hope you are in a better place and although I wish you hadn't gone so soon, I am glad to know that you are no longer in pain. I regret not getting to say goodbye to you but I didn't want to see you in so much pain. It tore me apart. I didn't know I could love something so much. It feels like a part of me has withered away. I know you loved running around the yard so I'm happy that you got to take one last stroll around your territory. We buried you in the backyard and we wrapped you in towels and blankets and we even put a pillow under your head so you'd be comfortable. So you could rest like you used to. I knew something was up when you didn't immediately go after your food, you loved food. And then you started throwing up. We thought it was just a stomach virus. But then it happened the next day, and the next day. We were going to take you to the vet on Monday but you didn't make it to Monday. I'm so proud that you still had the strength to get up and try to greet us like you did. I'm proud that you went knowing you were loved. And I'm so blessed to have had you in my life as long as I did. I will always always always love you and I will always miss you. I'm choking up while writing this. Sassy is whining for you and we all miss you dearly. I hope you're running around in Doggy Heaven, wagging your tail and getting a hold of every Milkbone snack you can find. You were the greatest dog ever. Know that I'll never forget you. Rest In Peace Bull, I hope to see you soon.
Love,
your favorite human,
Brandi.
Dec 22, 2013
Dec 22, 2013 at 5:07 PM UTC
my lips are aching for your lips
i wish to intertwine ours in the most romantic way
leaving both of us equally breathless.
i wish to show you in every way possible
just how crazy i am
for you.
Dec 16, 2013
Dec 16, 2013 at 7:21 PM UTC
i miss you more than you think.
(deleted)
i haven't smiled in a while, but when i think about you i do.
(deleted)
you left your sweater here. i wear it to bed sometimes. do you want it back? [it still smells like you.]
(deleted)
i still remember how your favorite color was the sky right before sunset.
(deleted)
you said you loved me, what happened?
(deleted)
i'm still so sorry. i didn't mean to push you away.
(deleted)
please just hear me out. let me explain.
(deleted)
i left my beanie at your house. i know it was your favorite. can i come get it?
(deleted)
i wish you knew how i still felt about you.
(deleted)
i hope you haven't moved on, because i sure haven't.
(deleted)
i listened to real friends today, i remember when you made me listen to them. all i could think of was you.
(deleted)
do i still mean anything to you?
(deleted)
god i wish you knew how often i think about your eyes. i still think they resemble forest trees.
(deleted)
it's been two months. i'm still torn up.
(deleted)
i have spent so many night cuddling up to my pillow wishing it was you.
(deleted)
i can't think straight because i keep thinking about what you're doing right now.
(deleted)
do you still think about me?
(deleted)
i didn't know my heart could shatter over and over until i met you.
(deleted)
we could've been in love. i'm so sorry.
(deleted)
is this still affecting you as much as it is me?
(deleted)
Dec 15, 2013
Dec 15, 2013 at 8:05 PM UTC
the sky is a pale blue
with streaks of bubblegum pink, cotton candy swirls
(8:20pm)
the sky is a painted a light pink,
the color of rosy cheeks
on a cool winter morning
(8:35pm)
the sky is a light grey,
raindrops furiously pelting down
on the empty streets
(3:48pm)
(all of which remind me of you;
but what doesn't nowadays?)
cotton candy swirls of your personality, all coming together to form the loveliest shade of you;
a soft rosy pink, like the roses you gave me that day you saw me fall apart – soft like your touch, when you held me tight,
swallowing me in your embrace;
light grey, like the color of your eyes right before you cry, teardrops pouring down your soft, freckled face, forming pools of water into the dimples of your cheeks
everything
reminds
me
of you —
but I think I like it that way; and I hope sometimes you get reminded of me too.
Dec 13, 2013
Dec 13, 2013 at 7:09 PM UTC
as the minutes passed on, I felt my sanity slowly depleting.
all of a sudden I felt numb almost.
like I didn't exist.
I felt unreal.
it was quite a strange feeling.
there was a point where I felt completely distant from everything.
that was one of the darkest times of my life.
I had never felt so disconnected from everything around me.
I'd never been so empty.
I remember at some point realizing I had lost my sanity altogether.
I knew that I was no longer normal.
my mind was no longer functioning properly.
and I believe I'd realized this when I found my skin itching to be
torn open once more.
soon after that,
I found myself trudging to the scale I had in my bathroom.
every morning and every night.
it became a daily routine.
in the morning, I'd mentally record my weight.
in the afternoon, I'd restrict my food intake.
and finally in the evening, I'd make my way back to the scale and
scold myself for not being the weight I wanted.
even as a child I remember not being happy with myself.
I remember looking down at my stomach in my Cinderella costume
and thinking I was fat.
at the time, I was six years old.
I don't know if I ever really was "sane."
but I do know that I wasn't always so mentally ******
and everyday I regret letting the cold darkness invade my soul.
Dec 12, 2013
Dec 12, 2013 at 7:26 PM UTC