I loved a man
You had his eyes
And you spoke his language
And we built you
Out of resilience
Nov 13, 2018
Nov 13, 2018 at 9:21 PM UTC
you could be
my favorite morning kiss
alarm clock breath
upon my neck
aching
and those eyes
slow passion
of waking lids
opening
to hazel floods
eastern morning sun
shine shine
shining
golden greens blues greys
my very favorite eyes
to roll into
early
safely passing
into the daytime
Oct 13, 2018
Oct 13, 2018 at 11:11 PM UTC
My deepest Love
you were oceans deep
your waves crushing my eardrums
night after night
my moon moving you like fierce
winds through matted hair
sweaty cheeks
I can still devour your salt
eyes stinging
submerging myself through your rocky corridors
Love, we were fearless.
Love, we were ignorant to any possibility of an end.
My Love,
we were a picture book fairytale of weathering the greatest storm.
I am forever grateful for our lessons
on how to love the ocean
while still valuing my need to wane
Aug 3, 2018
Aug 3, 2018 at 10:05 PM UTC
In the end
we tasted like
bitter morning breath
hungover sour liquor
On brisk summer mornings
waking up
rolling over on to my right side
eyes opening slowly
only to find
we are lonely
my heart aching
Knowing
Knowing
that you'll be gone forever
I lost you long ago
But that's okay
i know better now
than to expect
a gentle knock
on my tender
heart walls
but rather to acknowledge
any sort of love
will come from
those walls being barreled down
My heart ravished
and left like roadkill
every
****
time
I'll build them
out of brick this time
because i think for a while
the straw gave me hope
that the people who came in
would not be as bad
as my experiences
i'm beginning
to believe
that in the end
you were still good
you were delicious
in the way that
didn't nourish me
rather you left blankets
of overeaten guilt on my
chest
stomach
thighs
When did this become about you?
and rather than screaming about
how much i loved you
i lied, gasping, spitting,
how dare you make me walk
back into that house
tears dripping down
your rough freckled cheeks
a spare bedroom full of promises
a backyard
with a swing
made intentionally
for me
I've been down on my knees
most days
writhing in self-doubt
wondering if letting you go
was a clean slate of my selfishness
or a righteous act of self-love
in any case
that empty bedroom
brought me wavering fantasies of
my lifeless body in the bathtub
wishing you hadn't
had the strength
to break the latch
on that bathroom door
i stopped going to that place
in fear that i'd like it too much there
oh, how we've tortured
one another
spoon feeding each other
poison
just so we'd stay
crazy enough
content enough
to remain in insanity together
In the end
at least we died together
only to be reborn
in a distant hell
of bitter morning breath
each day
reliving the worst days
of our own tortured divorce
Aug 1, 2018
Aug 1, 2018 at 10:27 PM UTC
She said to me, over the phone
She wanted to see other people
I thought, Well then, look around. They're everywhere
Said that she was confused...
I thought, Darling, join the club
24 years old, Mid-life crisis
Nowadays hits you when you're young
I hung up, She called back, I hung up again
The process had already started
At least it happened quick
I swear, I died inside that night
My friend, he called
I didn't mention a thing
The last thing he said was, Be sound
Sound...
I contemplated an awful thing, I hate to admit
I just thought those would be such appropriate last words
But I'm still here
And small
So small.. How could this struggle seem so big?
So big...
While the palms in the breeze still blow green
And the waves in the sea still absolute blue
But the horror
Every single thing I see is a reminder of her
Never thought I'd curse the day I met her
And since she's gone and wouldn't hear
Who would care? What good would that do?
But I'm still here
So I imagine in a month...or 12
I'll be somewhere having a drink
Laughing at a stupid joke
Or just another stupid thing
And I can see myself stopping short
Drifting out of the present
****** by the undertow and pulled out deep
And there I am, standing
Wet grass and white headstones all in rows
And in the distance there's one, off on its own
So I stop, kneel
My new home...
And I picture a sober awakening, a re-entry into this little bar scene
Sip my drink til the ice hits my lip
Order another round
And that's it for now
Sorry
Never been too good at happy endings...
Dec 9, 2016
Dec 9, 2016 at 1:20 PM UTC
Resolution lies in our hands
but these hands are
Dropping bombs
and taking lives
Step back. Look UP.
how senseless it all seems
in my little apartment on main street
But
I feel a crumbling soul beneath me;
an angry mother, a scared caregiver.
trying to tell us something
Shhhh…
Can you hear her?
Can you be silent for just one moment?
two at the most!
And listen
She is sick
She is tired
She is gazing at us
through ocean eyes
glazed with disappointment
yes thats you,
Disappointing.
and she knows
all too well,
she is taking her final breaths
Nov 18, 2015
Nov 18, 2015 at 2:17 PM UTC
nicotine invoked dreams of sunsets and pathways that will lead you, they will not deny you. i’ve made friends worth my wisdom and freedom, some who have run screaming.
but i’m here waiting. you witnessed me babble on about dinosaurs and rage about capitalism. you brushed my hair when my mind has been sick from withdrawals. my body shaking from a craving.
and now what do i do… when all i crave is you?
Apr 23, 2013
Apr 23, 2013 at 9:58 PM UTC
because i had demons following me.
and for good reason i presume.
these sharks of dynamite continuously reminding me
that i am no longer a piece of you.
Apr 23, 2013
Apr 23, 2013 at 9:57 PM UTC
washing out the solitude of grace
there's nothing left but the value of your face
a wandering subject of mere confusion
forget all these holds, become an illusion
hot hot fears
i am riddled with your tears
a manipulation of the finest sort
you have ****** me in, cut my breath short
i must agree
you have handled me tenderly
when shit's been rough
you stood tall, stayed tough
but hunny you are harmful
and i've been carrying an armful
step off my merry-go-round
and find yourself some solid ground
Mar 5, 2013
Mar 5, 2013 at 8:33 PM UTC
drip drops
on my tongue
burning down my throat
sweet poison
you are mine
you have destroyed
the entirety
of me
drops
drip drops
of soulless hours
and forgotten moments
you are engulfing me
with reckless thoughts
and sick mornings
drops of
nothing
but
darkness
Feb 26, 2013
Feb 26, 2013 at 9:24 PM UTC