I feel like I don't know anything
Hundreds of people pass me every day
Hundreds of songs I hear along the way
Hundreds of words spoken I can't say
Hundreds of colors but all I know is grey
It seems as if everyone already knows these things
That I haven't understood yet
That I haven't learned to get
That I haven't even met
That I haven't got a bet
So how am I supposed to exist if I can't fit in
Is it because I was born wrong
Is it because I don't listen to their song
Is it because I can't stay strong
Why is it I don't belong?
At least I'm asking questions....
Jan 4, 2018
Jan 4, 2018 at 1:24 PM UTC
Every time I crave you it hurts
We aren't supposed to love each other, it won't work
But the idea of you is so pure and real
It's so hard to not let yourself feel
Whenever I admit to my desperation for you
You slip away without a clue
I was only looking for a human to reach
And I wish I didn't find another person to keep
I want something simple and easy
Not someone who makes me cheap and ******
You're the worst best thing that has happened all these years
Stop being so good to me, it's one of my greatest fears
At least don't leave me with my thoughts
To diminish this worry was something I was never taught
And I'm about two hours from complete destruction
I can feel it's beating and rapid conduction
It's awful when you don't notice my horrible pain
I never even checked to see if you felt the same
Over the course of this one week
My mind and it's health is looking rather bleak
It's a hard way of transition
I try to understand your position
but I just can't.
Nov 28, 2017
Nov 28, 2017 at 11:23 AM UTC
We've never changed
Always pretending the other one is wrong
I can laugh with you and also wish you were gone
We share a lot, maybe you're better at it than me
But you're cruel and hateful and you can't even see!
Why do I say things to you, like insecurities about my weight
And then you bring it up when it's least needed
And I'm so ashamed of something so seamless
I can't get things right and I'm usually wrong
I dropped 3rd period math
And you shared it with everyone, like a song
I can't feel safe saying the things I want to
I'm so embarrassed of myself when I'm not the girl with a problem!
So what my brain hatches as a plan to saver my dignity
It remembers what you've said and it turns it inside out
I play my cards carefully, staying clean in my crime
Remarking on your grades, your relationships, your whine
Being a bad friend doesn't get you very far
It gets you deep into a pit of anger and whatever
When you fall down there it gets pretty lonely
So I see what you did, that was pretty clever
Oct 19, 2017
Oct 19, 2017 at 7:00 PM UTC
He's really great
so great, in fact, that it just makes sense
but something is off
some stuff makes it not make sense
him+me+(a little bit of loneliness)=perfection
him+me+(doubt+anxiety)=where I am right now
So what makes two people come together?
How come I can't find someone?
I'm not the one saying "no"
What is making me so undesirable?
I think it's a plain answer
Right in between my two blue eyes
I'm smart, caring, selfless but ...
abandoned here in self-loathing
and no one ... notices
I refuse to blame it on myself ... but not really
It's my appearance, or my attitude, but it's not
It's something I haven't been paying attention to
What?!
He's so perfect
So sweet and kind
Similar to me and caring of others
Why do people leave him behind?
He's not sad
Not lonely
Not depressed or anxious
He's everything I could be if I just could forget him!
Oct 19, 2017
Oct 19, 2017 at 6:53 PM UTC
Like you, love is dumb
you see? you acted it out like it was a play!
That's not how you do things, man. love isn't a word you can say.
You're starting to control the things around you in the worst way possible, think!
think.
Mizar...think.
No more games, no more silly little board games.
Remember? You hate those things, haha!
Shut up! I'm serious now.
Seriously, stop.
If you keep thinking some day your head will pop.
If you keep feeling depressed some day people will stop.
They'll stop liking you and talking to you and drift away.
You've seen it before, it actually happened today.
Oct 8, 2015
Oct 8, 2015 at 9:18 PM UTC
People can control a lot. Your emotions, your apearance to them and the way you seem. They have full control but don't know how to man the system. The whole emotional pad is set up with color coded buttons for the controler to figure out. There's no way all the systems are the same, they have new colors. You can stick with one pad but sometimes other controls intrest you. And maybe your hand is too small for a lever on a pad, that means there is flaw that doesn't compare to you. There's no need to abandan that system. You learn to gear away from that part or find a way to use it. Sometimes when gears are rusty there is a way you can clean them out and fix them, this is called improving a person. This might be mixed with the way you might see a gear a different way, in that case, if they ask you politely with their Politomiter, accept that they just want to be themselves. And that is a fulltime atomatic H.U.man.
Jan 27, 2015
Jan 27, 2015 at 8:45 PM UTC
I knew you liked me.
You told me.
I told you nothing.
All of a sudden I like you?
Yeah, I know that sounds weird, I didn't mean to be late.
I think I need more music or more clarity.
Thank you, but I think I freaked you out, sorry!
Nov 22, 2014
Nov 22, 2014 at 5:47 PM UTC
I don't know why my emotions are acting up like this.
I usually don't think so deeply and want people to like me.
I don't want to feel this way, or am I feeling at all.
Are my friends as evil and cruel as my emotions say they are?
Is my mom as important to me as my emotions say she is?
Maybe my emotions are correct on these subjects, maybe I have to hate my friends so I can make new ones.
What my emotions don't know is that I don't have a huge selection.
I don't want to get out there at all, I'm too antisocial.
I don't want to meet new people, I want my people to not be so mean to me, to not be so careless of how they treat me, to have more brains then fun and actually be a considerate person.
My friends **** my emotion were right.
Nov 2, 2014
Nov 2, 2014 at 11:47 AM UTC
I let go of something I can't have back.
Why did I give up? Why did I do that?
I wish I could go back in time.
Ask if he'll stay with me and be mine.
But I know him and he knows me,
this romance life could never be.
So here I am all to the rest
I really did try to be a good friend, the best.
Before, he picked me up from the waters I'd sink in
we'd get naughty and we'd get happy to the point where it'd begin.
One day I say something wrong, he dumps me in the water
and goes away for a while and finds a girl much hotter.
May 5, 2014
May 5, 2014 at 5:34 PM UTC