It’s a relationship with someone who I’ve grown to love, little by little, a little bit more everyday. Someone who somehow, I still don’t quite love entirely, someone who I struggle with, someone who gives me a lot of issues. Someone who wants to see me fail at times and someone who fights for my success at others. Someone who knows me in my entirety but that I still haven’t figured out myself. Someone who’s lived what I live and dreams the dreams I dream, and someone who still wonders about the things that I have forced myself to get over with. Someone who I can’t change, I can’t tame, someone who won’t make change me, someone who won’t tame me. Someone who is so fragile that I am often uncertain if I should break them, or build them up. Someone who wants me to heal but wants to me hurt still. Someone who, above all, I can’t get rid of. Someone who I mustn't destroy, diminish, think poorly of. Someone who I mustn't break. Someone who won’t leave me. Someone who, were I to let them in, at once, would stay by side forever. Someone to whom I owe everything. It is my only duty to protect, love, support and help them grow. Because if I do that, they say everything else will fall in place. Someone who I need with me, someone who I can’t lose, ever. Someone who I happen to know better than anyone else. Someone who, in all their complexity, is perfectly familiar to me. Someone who becomes simple to me. After all, as simple as can be, that someone is just me.
Nov 11, 2019
Nov 11, 2019 at 12:56 PM UTC
it's funny how it all starts to make sense now
i'd never thought i'd be you
after all those years
but now i'm starting to feel
funny things in my stomach
when i am with you
i am nervous
and yet at the same time
i couldn't be more relaxed
there's something about you that mesmerizes me
and there's something about the way you make me feel
i want it to go slow
to take it easy
and see where it goes
and maybe
who knows
we might fall for each other
May 3, 2019
May 3, 2019 at 4:49 AM UTC
A little prose
“Dear you, I don’t really know where to start and I also don’t really know where I want to head to. But I’ll try, since in the end, it is all I’ve ever done with you, isn’t it?”
So ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you a story. It isn’t a story about love, or grieve, or passion, or death. It won’t make you feel better, or sadder, or fuller, or emptier.
This is just a way for me to communicate. With you. With the person in the story. With me.
So this is a story about a girl. A bit broken, a bit fragile, but very deep, and hopeful. And caring, loving for the world about her.
Just as it happens every day, this girl fell for someone.
Just a simple
Little
act.
A crush at first. And just like all crushes, there was hope, and the excitement that added up with it,
But there was also fear and pain, that, in a way,
this flame shall be wrongfully turned off.
Not to mention it,
but that is what happened.
More or less.
Because as this girl, as fragile as she was, thought that she would find in him the strength she was looking for, the protection she had long lost and the safety she needed,
Little did she know,
That this boy was nothing
But a similar
Different
Copy of her.
He was a bit
Fragile
And a bit
broken
And still very deep
[like her]
But,
[as opposed to her]
He was hopeless.
That was their difference.
So when the girl thought that he might finally accept her for who she was
that we would find in her the dream he was looking for
he struggled to do so, not because she wasn't enough
or wasn't good enough for him
not because he didn't fancy her
just
because
he thought she would end up hurting him.
You see,
Just like her
He too needed protection
Sometimes, somehow,
he thought
She might have been the one
For him
The one who’d stand with him
No matter what, the one who’d support him and his ideas and
take care of his monsters
He never thought she’d bring him down
never.
He just thought,
that just as simply,
He wasn’t going to be good for her.
That she deserved better.
And so,
Just as simply
What she thought instead
Was that he wasn’t going to want her,
That she deserved better.
Hence!
The girl
And the boy
Moved on.
Without having a memory of them together
Without taking the time to create any memory
frankly
Without developing more profound feelings
Without
learning to fall in love.
Without
Loving.
So now they are parted.
A passive smile or a hello when they cross each other
but they
Stopped talking about the other to friends
Stopped believing in the idea that somehow,
They were the soulmate they were looking for.
Thus as one of them now thinks
“Maybe he just didn’t want me”
the other thinks
“Maybe I should have told her I needed her when I had the chance”.
One is convinced
He’ll never want her back
And the other that
She doesn’t want him anymore.
And both of them,
Without even knowing it
Were meant for each other,
But lost it.
So this is my story. I was the girl. I still think he never really wanted me in the end. That I was never what he needed. After all, he always knew that I was ready to commit to him
And be there for him
And stand by him
I don’t know what he believes
If the things I think he thinks
Are really there
Or just in a dream of my mind.
But whoever you are,
If you need someone,
Please let them know,
If they tell you they need you,
If they prove it in every way they can to you,
Please believe them.
Please
Please
please.
I feel there is nothing more painful;
Than watching your effort
Go to waste.
Jan 5, 2019
Jan 5, 2019 at 9:53 AM UTC