mile-conde
I'm Milena Conde. I live in Argentina. I don't seem to fit in our society, even though I try really hard to. I'm too afraid to love and be loved but I try to live the moment up. I'm 15 and the things I love most in this world are cooking, my cat Coconut and, last but not least, my best friend Evelyn. She is amazing and she writes also. If you want, check her profile out: Evelynn. Thank you all for reading and letting me share this messed up thing that is my life.
Anger flows through me. It's rapid and unstoppable. Savage waves of strong emotion perform furious tosses and turns inside me. They are maddening, and yet still majestic. I can't take them out. They will take over me and I wont be able to do anything about it. They can't transform into tears; I'm too angry. Ragging flames can't turn into water. Oh my, what shall I do? My fingers twitch nervously trying to find a solution. My hands know it before my brain can process it and I grab a nearby pen.
I grab the aching pencil and a poor notebook that was there at the wrong time. My victims are waiting to be messengers of my dilemmas. Writing tool in hand, I fiercely attack the innocent paper. Rage pours from my soul to my hand and through the pen, to end up in the form of not-so-neatly-written letters. Words start to take form, and later on, sentences. Those sentences are screaming so loud but they are silenced, trapped in the sheet of paper. My words are are charged with everything that once was in inside me, poisoning me and my objective view of life. Words flow from my fingers in fast, impatient movements. I'm anxious, but it will be over soon.
I stop. It's all out. Now that all of that, all my frustration, is all in the ink-marked paper. It looks at me in disgust, as the inky traces try to make their way out of the paper. They liked it better here. They had a more audible voice, they think? Not so true.
Every ounce of negativity has now left me and I'm exhausted but happy.
I relax and fall into the mattress of my comfy bed in the soundless night, and smile to myself.
My angry thoughts (turned into words) are shouting at me from the floor, where I left them, I can't help to laugh at the sight.
I sigh contentedly and drift off to a dreamless, unperturbed sleep.
Detached form my pessimism.
Happy.
Mar 13, 2015
Mar 13, 2015 at 5:10 PM UTC
Why do you think that you have to keep pretending that you know what you are doing?
What do you want to accomplish?
Why do you live by expectations that are so high that they seem unreachable?
Why do you keep bothering yourself with silly things like living according to stupid social "rules"?
Please.
Deep down everyone is the same. Don't misunderstand me. I don't mean that we are all silvery robots with monotone voice tones and reboot buttons.
I just want you to know that nobody is what they appear to be. We, modern people, have an image for everyone to see that has absolutely nothing to do with us. So if you thing you are the only person in the world that gets what you are going through (whatever it is) you are wrong. Everyone struggles with their lives. They keep that barrier up for no one to see their true selves so they can't be hurt, judged or laughed at. They (why do I keep writing like I'm not one of them, of you?) hide from the world cause once one sees their true colors they are vulnerable. You open up and you let people cause you pain (and happiness, lets not forget. But I'm I no mood for optimism right now. Sorry positive people!)
So, would you rather tear your chest open for people to toss your heart around as if it were a football, or are you going to keep it in a tightly locked up box, so you can be miserable by yourself? The truth is, guys, life gives you no options. I decided to give the nice-to-meet-you game a try and well... I ended up writing this so you can just assume that it didn't end up well, and I'm only fifteen. ******* FIFTEEN.** So, yeah, it hit me now. The truth. You can't live without pain. What you can actually choose is who causes that pain.
I don't deal with this very well and I'm torn, yeah, but I'll get over it eventually. Life ***** sometimes. But other times it's so wonderful that it lifts your feet of the ground, and you feel like you are flying high above it all in the deep blue sky. (No, I don't do drugs or anything).
Here's what I think: Stuck your tongue out if you feel like it, have fun at times and others be sad (everyone has to be sad every once in a while to rest from all that happiness, ya know?) and be yourself except you are some kind of maniac ninja assassin.
Mar 13, 2015
Mar 13, 2015 at 4:16 PM UTC
I want to love you.
I want to get to know every spot of your skin.
Trace the outlines of your body.
Brush my fingertips on your soft lips.
Bite it.
Leave a mark behind, so everyone knows
You are mine.
Caress your silky hair.
Be the one to take care
Of you.
Of your heart.
I want to hold your hand
And kiss your knuckles
One by one.
Until there's no emotion showing in your eyes
But love
And happiness
And trust.
Feb 9, 2015
Feb 9, 2015 at 8:54 PM UTC
I love you. I love you more than I love myself and that's bad. That's very bad. That's horrid. I am dependable and weak and I need you to walk along the merciless path that is my uncertain destiny. I want to be independent but your love is holding me back. And I want it to. I want it to? I don't know, not any more. My feelings are drawing me to you, while common sense and experience are driving off and I don't know which one to follow, because both options are going to tear me apart. I am you now. I breath your air and talk your words and plan your future. I am so profusely fused to you that it terrifies me to even think of breaking this unhealthy bond.
My heart runs one way and my mind the opposite one. Which one should I leave behind? What is worse, a broken heart or never-ending hidden misery in a golden cage? Because your love is a prison. A lovely one. But a prison, indeed.
Feb 9, 2015
Feb 9, 2015 at 8:39 PM UTC
It's raining. Drizzling softly. Tiny droplets are washing through me, washing wrong and pain away.
Quiet soul. Peaceful. Restlessness no more.
It's time to start over.
"Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow it's light"
Pursue your wildest dreams and never look back but to smile at an old memory.
Stop worrying over the past or the future. One is way behind you, and the other one is yet to come.
Live like there's no tomorrow.
Laugh. Cry.
Fill your lungs with pure air. Oxygen.
Power.
Let the pouring rain run hurriedly past you and sink into the earthy ground.
You are soaked and happy and free.
You scream at the top of your voice.
You sing and dance and fall to the mud.
Worriless. Blissful.
Thrilled to be alive.
Feb 9, 2015
Feb 9, 2015 at 8:21 PM UTC
And just when I could no longer live with the life I had chosen, when I had lost all hope and disappointed so many people...
Just then you came and you saved me from myself.
Feb 9, 2015
Feb 9, 2015 at 7:54 PM UTC
Your touch sets my body im fire.
My skin tingles
And I push you nearer.
I want us to be closer.
You keep me up at night.
I dream of you.
Feel your breath on my neck.
I'm so in love with you it hurts.
I can't do justice to you
With my awkward words.
We kiss
And I smile against your mouth.
Because I'm happy.
You make me happy.
It took me so long to figure it out.
And I can't stop thinking about how you taste
And how your skin feels against mine.
Those stolen moments
Full of lust and something else.
Something infinitely more.
Feb 8, 2015
Feb 8, 2015 at 5:05 PM UTC
I was laying down on the grass. My head was in her lap, and she caressed it adoringly.
She read:
"She was absolutely gorgeous. Around her shone the nameless charms, unmarked by her alone.
The light of love, the purity of grace, the mind, the music breathing from her face!
The heart whose softness harmonized the whole, and, Oh! Those eyes in themselves were a soul."
She paused, and I eased myself from the ground. Sitting up, I looked her in the eyes. She eyed me with such tenderness that mine watered a little.
She said, then:
- "What I just read; it is you. I see you that way. I love you, honey."
Her voice was hoarse, dripping emotion.
A sole, lonely tear fell, wetting my cheek, and I smiled shyly.
I really do love my mom. Tons.
Feb 4, 2015
Feb 4, 2015 at 1:59 PM UTC
Life was dull.
Life was grey.
Life was nothing.
Meaningless.
And then you had me.
And I got lost in your black stormy eyes.
I saw the world through them.
And it didn't seem so grey any more.
It was colorful.
And marvelous
And exciting.
And I was curious.
And then everything was magical.
We were made for each other.
I fell asleep in your arms.
Dreaming of your lips, your laugh.
I gave you everything I had.
I loved you with all my heart.
I closed my eyes
You had found me
But then it all went wrong.
I was in paradise no longer.
And you and your dark irises haunted me.
You drained the color out of my eyes.
It was gone with you.
The lovely place I had imagined
Was long lost
And shattered
All it took to wreck me
Was a brush of your stupid lips
And a broken promise.
Tears wouldn't refuse to brake their chains
And I let them free.
They came out of my eyes.
And it was raining.
Teardrops poured down the sky.
I couldn't stop them.
You had made my world dull once again.
But this time it was worse.
Because now I knew
What happiness is.
And I was missing it.
And I was missing you.
My dreams hit the ground
And the heavy rain
Took them with it.
Water washed away
That few dreamy memories.
They stayed with me
In a little safe in my head.
I deny it's existence.
I won't believe anyone's ******** ever again.
Feb 4, 2015
Feb 4, 2015 at 1:14 PM UTC