Your love is in all
Just achieved by some
Satan is the firewall that blocks your light
The powerful force that keeps people from you
Only some find strength and fight.
The beautiful things that you do
Keep me believing through every night.
I've passed that fire wall with many scars to reach you.
It was all worth it when I saw your light.
I've learn so much, I finally know how to fight.
"When you compare and compete, you live in defeat."
That one simple sentence has kept me going
My faith in you will never stop flowing.
Jul 3, 2016
Jul 3, 2016 at 7:31 AM UTC
I've been to hell and back
I've seen who lives there and I don't want to accompany it
So I live in Your name
I have faith that You will guide me
Protect me and help me
Change me and make me
I don't want to be who I am anymore
So I pray
That one day I can change my thoughts
Delete them and replace them
So I can finally be who You made me to be.
Jun 28, 2016
Jun 28, 2016 at 7:42 AM UTC
I'm tired of this fake reality.
This non existent world I call home.
This fantasy where whales fly with the wind while woodpeckers swim with the waves.
A place that Impossible scenarios call home.
Exhaustion takes me there every night.
I've studied this place and I know how it works now.
It's not a home for impossible scenarios but a place for false hope.
It takes your memories and creates fantasies that'll never turn into actualities.
I've noticed this so I've stop trying to go there.
These nightmarish places disguised as fascinating fantasies are no interest to me anymore.
I'm leaving this hellish place behind but I'm not going to leave without something.
I'm not going to let my nightmares runaway with years of my dreams.
I will drag something good out of this situation because my teacher told me to write a celebration.
When in reality
For me at least
That is almost unachievable.
Key word almost
All I have ever wrote is depressing poems crafted by a beautiful mind using sinful words.
So I ask myself:
How is this possible?
How does one take a hellish situation and find hope?
How does one go outside their comfort zone?
What am I going to do?
I've tried before.
It only stuck me in second place at my freshmen year slam which ***** because I finally know I'm much more then some ******* second place at a freshmen year slam.
I just wish I knew that early.
So I wouldn't have to have these emotional scars, and physic.
They have returned, day after day, week after week, year after year.
But I am done.
I'm going to find something good in these nightmares if it kills me.
I've taken these emotional scars and taught myself to deal with them.
These scars that are unseeable can't restrain me anymore.
You see, I finally now how to give celebration to these corrupted dream catchers that live inside my head.
These Permanent EMPs that block dreams and not nightmares.
These things that have created unwanted dates with unwanted "dreams".
I've experienced anything and everything there.
So if I'm gonna pull anything from this hellish place.
It's experience.
I've played this game of life hundreds of times and I finally know the level nows.
I know where not to go.
I know what not to do.
And I know who not to talk to.
You see these things are just thoughts from my broken guardian angel trying to warn me about the bad things in life.
The things in life that broke her and made her unrepairable.
She does not want that for me.
So thank you broken guardian angel for stealing my dreams and making them nightmares.
I've only just realized that these nightmares are metaphors for hard life lessons.
Apr 20, 2016
Apr 20, 2016 at 1:33 PM UTC
Self hatred was an on going battle for me.
It's been years and I'm still affected.
I tried so hard to love myself and at times I did.
I felt beautiful,
worth it,
I felt like me.
Which is weird because I didn't even know who "Me" was.
It never lasted
Time flew by and in a matter of seconds, I was fighting again.
Yelling, lashing, trying to eliminate the monster that lived inside of me.
That part of me that made me believe I was ugly
that I'm not gonna go anywhere, that I'm not worth anything,
It wasted so much of my life.
I spent so much time fighting that I was losing myself again and it scared me.
I couldn't find my way out of that maze I use to know like the back of my hand.
I did it a thousand times so why couldn't I then.
It's not that difficult and I understand that now but my brain had been so drained that I couldn't seem to follow the simplest tasks.
That Self-hatred came from society telling us how to live..
I was told how to live for so long,
Look like him,
Have grades like her,
Do this,
Do that.
It was only a matter of time till I broke and I wasn't gonna let that happen again.
Society told me how to live for so long that I finally decided to die.
I stopped fighting and when I did, I wasn't the one who died, the monster inside of me was.
Some see it as suicide but I see it as self saving.
How can you say you're living when you aren't even being you.
How can you live your life guided by guideline made from people that don't see imperfections.
Tell me that.
Do you even know?
I just hope you know that
It's okay to not be slim
It's okay not to have curves
It's okay to feel different
It's okay to want to die, I've felt that way many times, I'm pretty sure in the hell hold, we all have.
But I chose to live and you should too.
No, you need to!
Because I'm not ready to see you on the news tomorrow.
Stop letting others thoughts kidnap yours.
People behind computers are not our gods and until they can prove us that they're, I'm gonna live my life doing the things I love and you should too.
Live your life the way you want to, because you only get one.
Stop fighting and find yourself because once you do, it'll make everything worth it.
Just remember in this context.
It's not suicide, it's self saving.
Apr 8, 2016
Apr 8, 2016 at 3:30 AM UTC
The air in my lungs no longer live there anymore.
It's been replaced by the words I never said
and the feelings I never expressed.
They will live on in there till I set them free.
If I don't they'll die along with me.
I just wish there was another option because
Telling you has past
And death is too long to wait for.
Mar 8, 2016
Mar 8, 2016 at 4:08 AM UTC
I tell myself it'll be okay
But I never really know
Till the end of the day comes around and I can still hear those words echoing in my head
Then is when I truly know
I had nothing to worry about
I tell myself again
It'll be okay
Mar 2, 2016
Mar 2, 2016 at 4:57 AM UTC
I'm haunted by the thoughts that the fur ***** on my sweater will never meets yours again.
I might not show that I care but trust me I do
I probably shouldn't even say this because you won't believe it to be true
I don't want to as much as you but I can't hold my feelings back anymore.
I'm so sorry that I have to say this but I miss you.
Just hug me one more time so I can get it out of my system.
It ended in a flash so these chemicals haven't had their chance to leave.
I can't do it myself so please help.
I've gone weak and emotionless and I don't know what to do anymore.
I've stopped crying and it's weird because that use to be a daily routine.
Am I getting better? Or am I getting worse?
I use to be able to tell but now that I can't feel anymore, I'm not sure anymore.
So please hug me and help me so I can flush these chemicals and not feel clogged anymore.
Feb 19, 2016
Feb 19, 2016 at 3:55 AM UTC
I've tried to stop writing
Its full of feelings and vulnerability
Two things I no longer want to show
I tend to not show my feelings until I trick my mind into thinking I never had any
Feelings make me weak and I've grown tired of feeling weak so I'm going to stop showing them
If being tired is just another form of weakness I guess I'll open up myself once more just to finish this poem
Feb 6, 2016
Feb 6, 2016 at 5:42 PM UTC
I like you but I can never see us together
When you're around It makes it hard to speak
Not because I'm nervous but because I'm confused
You say things thats speed up my heart
Then add something that stops it
These bumps in the road are uneeded so why add them?
Jan 27, 2016
Jan 27, 2016 at 1:47 AM UTC
Leading someone on was the leading cause of depression
I'm not saying this applies to everyone but it does to me
So listen up because otherwise what I do will come off as harsh
I'd classify myself as a gamer but the mind is something I'd never play with
If I get the slightest feeling something might not work
I'll change it
Get to know me while you can because when you're gone
You're gone
There will always be a next and thats something I'll never forget
Take the chance while you have it because it's not given to a lot
If you can't find it then keep trying
It might not be here tomarrow
I'm telling you this because I've experienced my fair share of depression
I'd rather not go down that hole again
So I'm sorry If what I do comes off as harsh
I've realized that if I want to care for some one else
I need to care for myself
So I'll go ahead and take care of that before I take care of you
Jan 27, 2016
Jan 27, 2016 at 12:40 AM UTC