Whenever I look at him,
I couldn't breathe.
He's taking my breath away with each stare,
each smile,
and my heart skips a beat,
and I gasp for air.
With each touch,
each kiss,
I feel like I am a second closer to death,
and each second, I feel alive.
Because if I feel like dying,
then I must've been alive.
Jan 11, 2023
Jan 11, 2023 at 11:04 PM UTC
He trapped me in his arms,
my back against the wall.
Our lips only inches apart,
eyes staring to my soul.
I couldn't say a word,
for it might give me away.
I could feel my breath hitch,
couldn't trust what I would say.
"Do you like me?"
He said, along with a smirk.
I stared at him longingly,
not wanting to say no.
This man in front of me,
is the most dangerous person I know.
He could break me in a second,
and could leave me begging for more.
My knees are about to give in,
as I stare back at the face of the man I love.
I breathed a no,
wanting to take it back.
I hardened my gaze,
and took all my might to push him away.
He's the most dangerous person I know,
but I just couldn't look away.
Aug 9, 2019
Aug 9, 2019 at 9:40 AM UTC
I closed my eyes from the world,
And a blinding light flashed before me.
I stopped listening to the world,
And deafening shouts of praise surrounded me.
I empty myself of me,
And I let me be filled with You.
With my hands toward the sky
And my knees on the ground
You make me new.
Jul 7, 2018
Jul 7, 2018 at 11:02 PM UTC
When I started loving you, the rain started coming and didn't stop falling for years. It eventually turned into a storm and destroyed what was left of me.
The room I'm in became suffocating, and the walls and the ground became colder. The alcohol tasted better than what I feel, and I drink and drink, hoping that the cure for this madness is at the bottom of one of these bottles.
The days got shorter, the nights got longer, and I think the sun has lost its shine because I've been seeing dark clouds outside my window for a very long time. The night sky became starless, and I think the moon ran away? and I go outside and walk and walk every night on this empty street with that orange light thinking that maybe, just maybe, if I walk more, I'll get tired and I'll eventually wake up from this nightmare.
The tears didn't stop ever since, and the cuts became deeper. The blood from my skin became comfort, and the pain became better than anything else. I think my sanity has left me and I hear myself screaming. With hands on my hair, voices in my head, telling me I was wrong, and that I deserve all of this. They say that you are right for telling me those hurtful words, and I'm starting to believe them because maybe they're right?
My hands got shakier, and everything became unstable. The corner of the room became my safe haven, and my heart is wilder than ever, escaping from my rib cages, will go anywhere, anywhere but from here. I'm in a state where I don't know where I am anymore. I just keep on bleeding and bleeding and maybe one day, all of this will stop.
The screaming of my heart will stop. The blood will stop. The pain will stop. And then I will be able to look at you in the eyes and finally say, "I don't want you anymore."
But for now, let me rest my head on my knees, blood dripping from my wrists, sanity slowly slipping, and my heart losing.
Feb 27, 2018
Feb 27, 2018 at 4:12 AM UTC
Nov. 25, 2017
My love is drowning,
In this vast sea of pain.
A hand shot up in the air,
Gurgled pleas of help.
If only I could swim
To save you from sinking.
If only I could do anything,
I would,
But I couldn't.
If only I could be the one
To cry the tears you spill at night.
When the world was quiet
And everyone's unaware,
I wish it was my heart breaking instead.
Those beautiful eyes
Don't deserve those tears.
Your lips
Don't deserve silent screams.
Your knees
Don't deserve to fall.
Your heart, my angel,
Deserves rest.
Your lips
Deserve the happiest smile.
Your voice
Deserves your most beautiful laugh.
You deserve the best things in the world.
So if only your distress could be mine,
I would take it all, only to see you saved
And waving brightly on the shore again.
Nov 24, 2017
Nov 24, 2017 at 10:25 PM UTC
He's on the edge, staring blankly at the dark abyss below. Tears on his cheeks, broken heart in his chest, contemplating to end everything, wanting everything to just stop.
He's now inching closer and closer and my chest and lungs constrict tighter, air finding it hard to make its way down my throat. I ran. Ran towards him. I screamed. Screamed for him to stop.
I love this man, with all my heart. I'd do anything for him. He's the reason why I fought so hard against my mind to survive. He's the one who taught me that love is a choice, and no matter how much it gets hard, I'll choose him over and over again.
I'm choosing him again now.
He looked back at me, and he shook his head from side to side. He doesn't want me to come near him. Just then, he inched closer to the edge and with just one more step he will fall.
Panic rising, I did what I have to and ignored his protests. And when my fingers can almost touch him, he screamed. I stopped, tears already falling non stop on my cheeks while I shake my head.
Don't do this, I screamed. Don't do this to me.
I walked closer and gripped his shoulders. I looked at my hands and realized they were shaking. I was shaking the whole time. Fear. I am afraid of losing him forever. I gripped him tighter at the thought and begged him more.
And then, he pushed me.
He pushed me in the dark abyss. Before I could even react, I was already falling. The face of the man I love was the last thing I saw before everything went pure black. My chest tightened at the sight. Oh how I wish I could wipe those tears away, but his face were so far away from my hands.
I'm sorry.
I then felt the hard ground hit me. The silence screams on my ears, defeaning, everything was pitch black, blinding, the solid ground cold on my back, excruciating. I fought hard to breathe, frightening.
I then remembered my angel's face, and realized that this is all nothing compared to the pain he was feeling. My heart was about to burst and I screamed, knowing I can't do anything to help him.
I'm sorry, love.
He will jump. I know he will jump. I saw it in his eyes and I felt the fear on my heart. It was all real. This is real. And I don't know what to do.
I stood up, my whole body aching. But I have to.
Maybe, I'll just catch him from here. That's all I could do.
Oct 11, 2017
Oct 11, 2017 at 10:04 AM UTC
Sometimes, it's not the unbearable pain that makes you hurt yourself,
It's the emptiness, the hole on your chest, that makes you want it all to end.
Sep 11, 2017
Sep 11, 2017 at 10:05 PM UTC
They said that I should forgive you, for I won’t be able to write. Those people who can’t forgive will have a hard time writing.
I prove them wrong.
This pain that I feel are the words that I write. This broken heart that I have is the reason that keeps me going.
I still can’t forgive. How can you easily forgive someone who gave you so much memories to miss? How can you easily forget those memories if they made you the happiest? How can I forgive him if he took that happiness away...because he took himself away from me?
How can you forgive someone if he made you live in a dream you’ve always wanted only to leave, just like that?
I still can’t forgive. I still can’t let go because I know that because of this pain, I always knew that it was all real.
Dec 28, 2016
Dec 28, 2016 at 6:33 AM UTC
I almost needed you
I almost dialed your phone number in the middle of the night because I can’t sleep and I’m in tears and my heart is in pain and I needed to hear your voice just to make it alright
I almost broke down when you said you couldn’t come to meet me the next day and I almost told you how much it made me down and I almost begged you to come because I needed to see you because I can already feel the ache of needing your comfort in my bones because I’m scared
I almost hugged you when the thing I was so afraid of finally happened
I almost held your hand when I didn’t know what to do anymore
I almost touched you, I almost showed you my tears, I almost showed you that I’m in pain, I almost showed you that I was scared and I don’t know what to do anymore
I almost showed you how much of a mess I was
I almost showed you that I was crying but I hid my face on your shoulder and when I realized that it makes me ache for your comfort more, I stood up and skipped away like my tears weren’t falling, my heart wasn’t shattering
And when I came back and when you tilted my head up and asked me if cried, I almost told you the truth. I almost broke down and screamed that I needed you. I almost told you my greatest fear. I almost told you that I felt so weak, that I need you so badly to hold me. I almost told you that I’m already breaking and I need you to hug me. I almost told you that I needed your comfort and I needed you to tell me that I’m not who I think I am. That I am worth it, that I am not a failure, that I did my best and everything’s going to be okay. I almost told you that I was so scared. I almost cried in front of you. I almost let myself shatter in front of you.
I almost needed you.
But I’m glad I didn’t.
Because I made it. I made it up until today. And if I didn’t hold myself back, I might haven’t realized that I can be strong.
That I am strong.
Dec 28, 2016
Dec 28, 2016 at 6:21 AM UTC