Hello Facebook my old friend.
I'm reading posts on you again.
Up at 2:30 in the morning
Checking likes and shares and replying.
Read alerts beneath the ringing bell.
What the hell, am I doing on Facebook?
As through the posts I quickly scroll.
Seeing kittens, dogs and trolls.
Trying not to click on the ad spam.
Found a recipe for a baked ham.
And a private message from a long lost friend.
But I know not when.
I added this person, on Facebook.
10,000 clicks and maybe more.
My index finger's mighty sore.
All the smileys, likes and emojis.
Likes on my posts giving me jollies.
Requests from people that I do not even know.
My friends list grows.
To thousands of people, on Facebook.
"Will this nightmare ever end?"
I ask as I add a friend.
But all the games and all the puzzles.
Popping balloons and bursting bubbles.
I have got to try to get a better score.
It's such a chore.
Playing the games, on Facebook.
Suddenly one day I learned.
Zuckerberg on me had turned.
Selling all my saved information.
To companies in all lands and nations.
Making a profit off me like I was his ***
I did not know.
Violated, by Facebook
But I did not stay mad long.
Even though it was so wrong.
I have to see how many likes I had.
I want to know this stuff awfully bad.
And now the data selling's out of mind.
And thus I find.
Myself again, on Facebook.
Dec 27, 2018
Dec 27, 2018 at 5:23 AM UTC
Here's a dream for someone to analyze. I was eating this stuff I was finding like a snack food but I didn't know what it was or where I was finding it. I just knew it was the best thing I ever tasted. It had a waxy texture that kinda stuck to my teeth and reminded me of perhaps candle wax but It was so good that I ran around to all my friends to get them to try it but no one would. In fact they were appalled that I was eating it at all. Eventually, as I continued to eat the stuff like I was addicted because I was, me friends started to chastise me and threaten to end our friendship if I didn't stop so I started to sneak eating it so no one would see me doing it. Eventually though, I got caught by my brother who acted very disappointed in me. So he threatened to commit me to an asylum if I didn't stop eating the stuff. I explained how tasty and good it was and that I didn't want to stop. He then told me in a stern voice to look at what I was eating so I looked down and in my hands were these very dark brown dried up cat turds that I was apparently retrieving from the litter box but I didn't remember where I got them from. As the realization of what I was eating dawned on me, I instantly became horrified. So horrified that I woke up and sat straight up in my bed. It was so vivid that I had to go to the bathroom and wash my mouth out. I think I will remember this dream for the rest of my life.
Jun 2, 2017
Jun 2, 2017 at 9:13 AM UTC
Long ago when the time came for two of every animal to board Noah's ark to avoid the coming flood, every animal, except the Unicorns, made it onto the boat because the unicorns were too busy frolicking and playing in the grass. So when the flood came and the unicorns saw that they were going to drown they cried out "Oh Lord, please save us from the rising water that we may not drown!" On hearing their cries and seeing the unicorns in such danger, God asked them "Why did you not board the ark as you were told to?" And the unicorns replied "We were too busy playing and forgot. We are sorry! Please help us!" So God, having mercy on them, changed them into whales so that they would not drown and would survive the flood. And that is why the narwhal whales have horns and why unicorns no longer exist.
May 19, 2017
May 19, 2017 at 4:04 PM UTC
** ** ** ** ** ** We think Santa smells!
We think Santa smells. And he smells like hell
It's not to laugh 'cause Santa needs a bath!
Yes, we think Santa smells.
Sweating day and night, in his suite so tight.
Stop this debate 'cause it's too late.
Yes we think Santa smells.
We have had about enough of this stinky man.
We must surely formulate a bathing plan.
Santa's gone too long and the odor's strong.
Don't be a dope and grab that soap!
'Cause we think Santa smells.
(Instrumental)
We've an urgent job to do so our eyes won't tear.
Every time to us Santa Claus comes near.
We think Santa smells. And he smells like hell.
It's not to laugh 'cause Santa needs a bath.
Yes we think Santa smells.
** **
Dec 22, 2016
Dec 22, 2016 at 4:19 PM UTC
Little Princess Perfect without a single flaw
Thought that she was perfect in every way she saw
But one day she ran into a crazy, orange man
Who said "I am better and will beat you because I know I can"
Princess perfect laughed and her court well they laughed too
"You cannot win against me and my loyal crew!"
Little Princess Perfect and the man with funny hair
Got into a contest that seemed far from fair.
Princess Perfect with her legions of subjects said
"You're a sexist bigot and have an orange head!"
So the man replied to her face "And you're a crooked cuck!"
"You're also sick and greedy you lying, corporate schmuck!"
Little Princess Perfect who thought she'd already won
Laughed and played and called him names while he continued to run
"I will make this kingdom great once again I vow!"
And multitudes applauded him as he took a bow.
"You're all deplorable!" Princess Perfect cried
"How can you sleep at night taking this orange faced man's side?"
"Princess Perfect your days are numbered." he said in return
"People want this kingdom great. That's for what they yearn"
"People will never choose you!" Princess Perfect said
"Look at the polls you orange **** You're as good as dead!"
And all her court agreed she had already won
So laugh and play they did having unending fun.
Then when the day came to decide the combatant's fate
Princess Perfect with her court could hardly stand to wait.
"Get ready to celebrate my loyal, faithful fans!"
Princess perfect cried to all throughout the land.
And as the kingdom came together and began to count the votes
Princess Perfect felt a lump deep in her throat.
"What the hell is happening?" She cried to her staff.
The totals made no sense to her and all had ceased to laugh
"This is impossible! He's pulling way ahead!"
Princess Perfect panicked and her soul filled with dread
"I am Princess Perfect! I know I cannot lose!"
But the kingdom voted and the crazy orange man they did choose.
Nov 20, 2016
Nov 20, 2016 at 12:44 AM UTC
I thought I heard you laughing there not far from me
So I turned to look where I thought you'd be
But much to my dismay as I became aware
That it was not you my heart sank in dispair
The laughter that I heard sounded as it should
I badly want to see you I truly wish I could
I know you had to leave though it was much too soon
But you stayed brave and bright like the sun up high at noon
I felt so very helpless as I watched you slip away
I'd have done anything but I couldn't make you stay
There was always laughter whenever you were near
And that is why I miss you my most beloved dear
You filled my life with love and my love for you did grow
Even to the day I had to let you go
All that's left are memories of someone I once had
And now that you are gone all I feel is sad
It was very hard to see the pain that you were in
You didn'd let it beat you and bravely held up your chin
How I deeply wished I could've taken your place
So that you could share your lovely, smiling face
Sadly, that was something that wasn't meant to be
And all I could do was hope that soon you'd be set free
To fly like an angel far away from here
And to never again have to shed a tear
Clearly I remember all the time I spent with you
All the laughs, and the smiles, and fun that we had too
Everything I taught you and all that I had learned
All the love I felt for you that had been truly earned
Every time you smiled or I wiped tears from your eyes
Up unto the time we said our last good-byes
I thought I heard you laughing
Jun 8, 2016
Jun 8, 2016 at 8:06 AM UTC
Is reality mostly empty space?
Or all our experiences in this place?
A fleeting smile on a loved ones face,
That disappears without a trace?
By what scale do we measure?
Is it our pain and our pleasure?
What we trash and what we treasure?
What we do for fun or leisure?
In our agony or our ******
Do we think that we can see,
What is truly meant to be?
And are we really, truly free?
All the places we must go,
Is it only just a show?
And all the things that we must know,
Do they truly help us grow?
Do we simply live and die?
Do we ever truly fly?
In the end you can only try.
Just keep looking to the sky.
Dec 18, 2014
Dec 18, 2014 at 11:21 AM UTC
Animal Crackers and my soup
Undigested in my ****
All the food I ate today
Coming out in the same way
Uncontrollable urge to strain
Even though it causes pain
My poor sphincter it does burn
And my guts just churn and churn
Pepto Bismol my old friend
Go right now and put an end
To the horrible, rancid flow
Burning my **** as it does go
Cramping spasms all day long
Something I ate went horribly wrong
Could it be the salad or bread?
Or maybe something not quite dead?
Perhaps it was the chicken or stew
Or the fish, boo hoo hoo!
I'm just praying for an end
So my **** can start to mend
And then suddenly to my surprise
That nasty flow simply dies
Gleefully I start to wipe
But then as I start to swipe
I hit a very tender spot
That feels like it is now red hot
Now the Charmin feels real rough
Like tree bark or abrasive stuff
I finish wiping with great care
While the pain I grin and bear
At last I stand and flush with glee
That nasty stuff that came from me
A moment later to my shagrin
I feel the urge to sit again
Jan 18, 2014
Jan 18, 2014 at 7:32 AM UTC
Pooey, pooey, poo. Gee, I smell you. It's time to take a bath now.
Stinky, stinky, doo, you friends do to. You reek and oh you stink, wow!
So could you hurry to the shower and rub some soap all over you *** Don't hold back!
And if you do remove the peu you'll find your friends won't gag and hack. That's a fact!
So pooey, pooey, poo. What will you do? There's a bathtub fillin'.
Stinky, stinky, doo. It's up to you. To wash off that penicillin.
Oct 9, 2013
Oct 9, 2013 at 8:27 PM UTC
My only child, whom I love
Angels sent you from above
As pure to me as a white dove
A happiness I knew not of
Every day your shining face
Showed me love I could embrace
My heart and soul it interlaced
To never move from it's place
We really did have lots of fun
You and I, little one
I never wanted it to be done
Every moment in the sun
Although we were torn apart
For a while, for your part
You loved me still in you heart
And faith, in me, you did impart
Yours is love,the greatest gift
And it does, my spirits lift
Though there was an enormous rift
You never from my heart did drift
You never failed, my loving child
To show to me your caring mild
Your angel face that always smiled
And many kisses upon me piled
And now that you are fully grown
The memories that I do own
Seeds, that in my heart were sown
Of happiness that we have known
And even though I reminisce
Of times, I feel, that I did miss
Or of you was, perhaps remiss
These you tenderly dismiss
Your everything a child should be
I truly feel your love for me
And in you myself I see
Everything good of some degree
And I do know as time goes on
As surely as there will be dawn
That even after I am gone
Your love for me will live on
May 17, 2013
May 17, 2013 at 4:59 AM UTC