And I held my heart
In my hands today,
I held it close,
As it slipped away,
So still it sat in my sweaty palms,
Trying very hard to remain calm.
But it's hard,
When you're alone,
Such silence,
Empty home,
Closing in,
Opening up,
Smaller sins,
Bigger cuts.
I am ribboned,
Arm skin torn,
Bloodied fists,
My veins are worn,
Less and lesser still,
I can't help it anymore,
I'm racing for the ****
Don't let me die,
Stop the bleed,
You're nearly gone,
The planted seed,
Growing roots,
Taking hold,
Forever young,
Never old.
A questioned thought,
Raising quick,
As my blood, it runs,
Pooling thick,
My fragment thoughts,
Breaking apart,
How do I bleed,
Without a heart?
Feb 3, 2011
Feb 3, 2011 at 9:36 PM UTC
I am free,
Like I never believed
Possible,
And it's improbable
That it'll continue
Beyond today,
But I'll continue,
And it doesn't matter what they say,
And it doesn't matter what they do,
Nothing's stopping me
From being me,
And nothing'll stop you
From being you,
And if you don't believe,
That doesn't stop the truth
From being true.
Hold it up,
Victory in a cup,
Drink, and don't worry
About what they think,
It doesn't matter what they think
Cause their thoughts are bought
And yours are born.
Let all others be warned,
You're a walking class 5
to the tenth rolling storm,
Ready to touch down
Shake the ground,
Bringing unsteady
people to their knees,
Begging please!
Stop this truth!
It can't be true!
I don't believe you!
And all you have to say is
You don't have to,
Believe one single word,
It's too absurd,
Just be warned,
What you think,
What you think you thought was born,
And I was born.
Jan 14, 2011
Jan 14, 2011 at 11:21 PM UTC
It hurts to be your pain,
Apologies made in vain,
I'm a whispered shout,
We're not the same,
I know you want out.
My fists are bloodied,
But I think it's kind of funny,
How in our aftermath of our storm,
It always comes out bright and sunny,
With emptied burdens,
Broken hearts,
Healing wounds,
A new start.
I know I ain't what I used to be,
I know it's hard to look at what you see,
Believe me,
The mirror ain't my friend,
The cracks in my reflection start to bleed,
And I can't help but feed,
The wound for the swoons,
The high that supplies our fuel,
The tool that destroys me from the inside,
And I'm not surprised,
I can't lie,
It's feels good to feel bad,
To see you sad,
And know it's me,
It's control,
It ain't right but you see,
It's all I've had and I know it's sad,
You've every right to be mad,
But I'm here in bloodied clothes to let you know that I'm glad,
That you stayed by my side,
Through every fight and every lie,
I couldn't say that if you left I'd be surprised.
Just know my heart's a masterpiece,
Manic morbid sadomasochistic malevolence,
Vivid violence,
Silver silence,
Simple mystery,
I believe,
My heart's a masterpiece.
Jan 6, 2011
Jan 6, 2011 at 3:26 AM UTC
Don't watch me bleed,
Pick it up,
Pick it all up,
And place it in your cup,
From which you drink your sins nightly.
You're so unsightly,
Your mother should have aborted,
How she could have supported,
That monster you are,
Disgusts me,
You're such a star.
Supernova,
You're brighter than any,
You're a quarter to my penny,
A dime to my dim,
Slim to my exact,
Addition to my subtract,
The loser to my win.
Supernova,
Monster mystery,
I reflect in your shadow,
In your shadow I am me,
Dark and discreet,
I knock at your door,
Invited in, I have a seat,
Wine please, more,
I am minor, major; I implore.
Supernova,
I lay death at your feet,
I lick the edges,
I taste defeat,
I've walked the ledges,
Life I've met, despair I'll meet,
Just you wait,
Supernova symphony,
I faint beautifully,
In wake of your sleep,
River wrists,
Dare slumber keep,
My heart at rest,
Supernova symmetry,
Torn apart at best.
Nov 12, 2010
Nov 12, 2010 at 10:27 PM UTC
I can't stand the world I'm living in,
But it's what I got,
So I lay down,
And I forgot.
Forgot to hate all I can't change,
Forgetting how it remains the same,
Losing track of what still hurts,
And I've forgotten who to blame,
For the scars.
I can't stand under the weight of regret,
It's begining to set,
So I lay down,
And I forget.
Under the glow of morning break,
Over the course of evenings end,
I replay what I've forgotten,
And I remember you, my friend.
Who stood the test of time,
Of my burdens ever growing,
And only gave when I pushed,
I did it all without knowing,
How to,
Forgot to hate all the things I can't change,
Forgetting how it continues to remains the same,
Losing track of what still hurts,
And I've forgotten who to blame.
Oct 25, 2010
Oct 25, 2010 at 1:06 AM UTC
I remember when I was a potato,
About to die
By the fry-
-ing pan,
And that was the devious,
Devilish,
Fiendish,
Plan.
They wanted me
Like lust from their bellies,
Their pillow lint belly buttons
Begged for my meat,
Calling for my ****
By boiling, rolling, heat.
I did what I could,
With my potato eye!
I rolled like Ollie
Away from the fry!
Went off the counter
Landed with a smack,
Swore to my potato skin
That I ain't going back!
I rolled across the floor
Right under their nose!
A small child saw me
Said to his ma,
"Mr.potato head, there he goes!"
I soldiered on,
Got dirt in my eye!
But swore to myself,
Never the fry!
So I was near the door
Rolling a lopsided way,
I could see the light,
The sweet light of day!
I tried to roll faster
And tunnel sighted my eye,
I was getting so close
I was screaming "Goodbye!"
Then between the counter and door,
A distance I mistook,
Out went the sun,
And I was squished, underfoot.
Aug 31, 2010
Aug 31, 2010 at 10:55 PM UTC
I feel your hands,
Colder then they should be,
You always said,
"It won't happen to me"
But you were wrong,
And I told you so,
Then I promised,
To never let you go.
So you sleep,
A coma under sheets,
I cry for you,
While picking what to keep.
I was,
So lucky you were loaded when you showed up on my door,
I could,
Have cried for I knew exactly what was going be in store,
For our,
Life that started with Rolex love at first sight,
I knew,
I could live on easy street if I just played my cards right.
I shed my weighted tears,
While you're visited by your boy,
Little do they know,
That these are tears of joy.
I can see it all now,
The things that I will own,
I never imagined the happiness,
That comes when I'm finally alone.
I will,
Pawn off every stupid thing that you have ever loved,
Just for,
Fun I will buy those five thousand dollar gloves,
And roll,
Naked in the money I will get when you pass,
And never,
Have to sleep in the stench of your,
Midnight gas.
It was so sad,
They ask and I say,
He just tripped and fell,
On that bright summer day.
Now I wonder what to do while he sleeps,
The monitor continues to buzz and beep,
The sound is jarring,
It really starts to bug,
Me,
Then the light goes on in my head,
I'll just pull the plug,
Hee heee :D
I wait till everyone goes away,
And I slowly sneak into his room,
I start to smile and giggle,
It will all be mine real soon,
My hands start to shake,
I simply cannot wait,
To take what is rightly mine,
Surly this is a sign,
I couldn't imagine,
Life being so kind.
The moonlight shines bright,
A subtle shade across his face,
I watch the last moment of his life,
My hair stands on end and my heart begins to race.
I reach for the cord just beyond my finger tips,
My head is screaming that this is finally it,
Then his eyes flutter open in a gasping breath,
At the very last second he is saved from death...Shit.
Aug 31, 2010
Aug 31, 2010 at 10:51 PM UTC
I feel your sin licking at my feet,
As they hang idle from the pier,
Swinging in the salty air,
Aching for escape,
Sore from the fear.
"You can run forever,
But no one lasts for long,
Death is at your doorstep,
It counts your every wrong,
Keeping track of every stain,
Of every slight and single sin,
Your account will never change,
It always starts, as it begins."
You wrote me words of love,
That's how it always starts,
Kind eyes and sweeter lips,
Nothing less could break my heart.
You held my hand in yours,
I'll never stop, in this you swore,
But when the world fell down,
Your lasting mark, left on ocean shores.
These things you never said,
Because I couldn't hear,
I'd take it back again,
Just to have you here,
To have you hold me tight,
Never letting go,
To feel the world was right,
Just to simply know,
That this would never change,
Not a moment lost,
That I could stay forever,
Forever, at any cost.
But I know that this is not,
As it should've been,
Where lives have gone out,
Other now go in,
I'm sorry for this now,
I'm weaken since the wake,
Where I hope the ocean currents,
On silken wings, your soul they swiftly take.
To a place of kinder hearts,
And of sweeter lips,
Where who you once had loved,
Had the mind to never slip.
I wish that I could stop,
But your mark is fading still,
I can't replace the feeling,
I lost my very soul, my every will,
To replace the part of me,
That only you could fill.
I wait up every night,
While beside me sleeps my sin,
Waiting up till light,
Wishing that as I end,
You will begin.
But when my body fails my mind,
For the second of the night,
I wake to empty sheets,
In the saddest morning light,
Wishing for the past again,
When every morning I woke the same,
To a face who smiled in turn,
Where I didn't live in wasting shame.
But my every wish is another wasted,
My very soul is solid, jaded,
Any thought is another gone,
My every memory had slowly faded,
Until the ache is a silent hurt,
That plagues me while I sleep,
Until I wake in a frozen sweat,
And my soul, it softly weeps.
Now I sit here by the shore,
Up high on the wooden pier,
Where your last footsteps,
Were washed away by tidal clears,
I wait for time to turn on itself,
And bring back what water took,
But for all the hope I have,
All I do, is wait and look,
As the sun goes down,
The stars come out,
My tears find words,
I scream and shout,
Wish the world away,
If I could turn back time,
To quit each day,
Until again you're mine,
But I know I can't,
And I hurt all the more,
Wishing you'd return,
From ocean shores.
Aug 31, 2010
Aug 31, 2010 at 10:46 PM UTC
If I were an opened can of pop,
You know what I'd be right now?
Flat.
That,
Is a horrible thing to be,
Cause you see,
I am up and bubbly fresh,
Now down,
Gloomy doomy death.
I am moss on crack,
Growing out of floor,
Covering the world,
And wanting more.
Cause you see,
When a blind man falls,
I like to laugh,
Because he doesn't know when the ground
Is going to hit him in the face,
And when it does,
He's so surprised
Like "How the hell did you get all the way to my face?"
Then I, come up to him
Laughing,
And say,
"You met it halfway!"
And run like a *****
But I'm flat,
And that,
*****
Like a straw set in a frosty milkshake,
Set between two starry eyed lovebirds,
And as they are about to indulge in the yumminess
Of the creamy bounty before them,
The eye of the guy,
Catches the sight of the girl,
Who's not sitting in front of him,
Passing on the by,
Catching his eye,
And his girl is soon by his side,
With a look on her face,
That could stop a race,
Dead in it's place,
For the fear of the world coming apart at the seems,
And he, knows, it.
She knows what he thought
When he saw what he saw,
And when he stuttered and sputtered,
She had heard it all,
Just not in so many words,
So much for these lovebirds.
She said what she felt,
He heard every word,
Then she turned and sped out,
He went quickly after,
And every one heard what he tried to shout.
And bursted into tears,
At the humor that was there,
Far less did his attempts,
Even try to fare.
It was told through the day,
From ear to ear,
"You had to be there"
They said with tears.
"But baby wait,
This is too much,
Come on, let's go back,
Our milkshake hasn't even been touched!"
And guess what?
I feel like that straw,
Feeling so lonely,
Nerves getting raw,
Listening to the fight,
Knowing this ain't right,
I should be cold,
But with the heat of lips,
Caught between sweet nothings,
And sweeter sips.
So you see,
What I see?
Feel,
What I felt?
How it just stood there,
While the milkshake,
It melt.
Leaving it in a puddle,
No one would drink,
And being wasted like that,
Poured down the sink.
Makes you think.
That,
It must be horrible,
To be,
Flat.
Aug 31, 2010
Aug 31, 2010 at 10:45 PM UTC
Future fed,
I am past tense,
With pretense of post textual subtext.
But I'm in love with mental reflex,
That rebound and curve in action,
Reaction replicated and reduced,
Redistributed and digested through the nose,
Said then to then be brought down to a new low.
But it's hypocrisy,
And inert,
Like morality in children,
Who celebrate their own centennial,
While 10 children to each their year,
Are snuffed from this earth,
In quite the same fashion as the candles
On Mr.Centennial's cake,
And it's fake,
For he's a diabetic and suffers,
Having already forgot half the people he raised,
Sentimentality wasted on a senior,
Who shook hands with the devil,
And then smacked an angel off its cloud.
It makes me sick,
Such sin began,
Stopped to begin,
Walked thin and ran thick,
Over budget and understocked,
Cut backs on morality,
Cut backs on humanity,
They call this art,
The only proof of evolution,
Is how we slide down the chart.
Aug 28, 2010
Aug 28, 2010 at 2:33 AM UTC