I know that I'm getting sick again
Because every hour of silence makes me think that you don't love me
And it's getting harder to convince myself that you should
You don't seem to have noticed how walled up I am, but I'm sorry
And I am so glad that you didn't hear me crying while you slept
Because I am so in love with you and you shouldn't love me back
It's unhealthy for me to centre my life around you, and I know it
But I can't help that you're everything that I never thought I'd get
Where we're at now, we can only see each other on the weekends
And those few days are everything that I live for and want to maintain
But as the week goes on I lose myself to needing you and I fade so fast
I try to keep myself occupied during the day while I can
Working my skin to the bones and burning the breath from my lungs
But come night time, I sink and I sit in the dark with no sound
I just don't know how to get out of this slump yet again
I don't know how to believe that it's worth it in the end
Dragging people down is a specialty that I would like to break
As opposed to the constant chance of breaking you
Or the recurrence of the thought that a break up would be best
Jesus Christ, darling I am such an awful and worthless mess
Every day I see other men who could replace me and probably should
When it comes down to it, you deserve a world that I cannot give
And that's a horrible thought that makes me cry when the room is quiet
You are everywhere as my mind is all over the place and again I'm sorry
Every part of my very being needs you just so that I can live
But I won't guilt you to stay or create expectations that I don't have
Every part of my very being knows that you should leave and become your best
I know that I am getting sick again
And that if I listen to the virus in my head, I'll be ******
Jul 8, 2014
Jul 8, 2014 at 8:54 PM UTC
Nobody told me that sleeping alone would be so hard
If the room is completely quiet I sometimes hear your voice
Like from just the other night when you whispered I love you
Ever since you've said those words I've struggled on my own
I open all my windows to replace your breath upon my arms
Because if I fill the room with air then I can't tell it apart
If I roll over tonight I'll surely expect you to be there
But until that can be true again I'll just try to make do alone
I find a calmness in the way we don't need to do anything
We become our most intimate when we're inches apart
And surely the daylight seems to soften us up for the night
Because I miss the way you speak and make me feel
And God forgive you because your eyes could slay me
How dare they shine and glow in the dark while I look
It's like I've jumped head first into something new completely
I'm quite scared of the future but you keep my eyes open
I worried about reactions when I said how I felt about you
Yet I no longer care if people think we're crazy to say love
The way we've rushed into this almost surprised me at first
But now it's like the world moves around us instead of with us
Jun 9, 2014
Jun 9, 2014 at 8:15 PM UTC
There was a time when I would've done
Just about anything you asked
But I'm slowly getting older now
And I'm slowly learning from the past
Not all beautiful girls are saints
Not that you were either after all
I'd like to say that disappoints me
But it's been years and I knew all along
May 29, 2014
May 29, 2014 at 7:03 AM UTC
I've ventured and explored every line along your skin
And I'm not quite sure where upon you it is that I belong
But I have patience and I will redouble all of my efforts
I will take my time and care to find the home you give me
May 27, 2014
May 27, 2014 at 4:23 PM UTC
Two adversaries, exactly the same
Both I let in
Inside my house
Disguised as friends
The first bid their time, sat inside
They stole the china
The photos
My keepsakes
And set fire to the floorboards
Before they left
The second came along just later
Carrying tools and aid
We rebuilt my home around me
And then we sat inside
They smiled each day
And shook my hand freely
But one night they stole
Not a possession
But into my home at night
And ran their blade across my neck
May 24, 2014
May 24, 2014 at 8:53 AM UTC
You manipulated me to an extent I didn't realize
And I still don't understand the reasoning for it
But thank God, that's a time that's long gone
May 24, 2014
May 24, 2014 at 8:45 AM UTC
One night can change a lot of things
And it's hard for me to explain
The connection you can make with someone
While you're tangled up in their legs
But seeing her eyes in the night
And just waking up to her breath
Was what made me let out a little sigh
While making me smile a bit too much
Last night we spent inside of her bed
Allowing us to forget the world outside
A connection stayed between our fingertips
While her legs were tangled up in mine
May 21, 2014
May 21, 2014 at 5:13 PM UTC
I will run rusted memories
Across taunt skin inside my head
And I'll say it wasn't so
I'll do this for you now
And I will not bleed again
I will leave you to yourself
As I believe in you again
That you could do better yet
Than someone like me
Who just can't decide on anything
You don't deserve to be put through this
You don't deserve to be put through me
So it'll hurt for the time being
But someone will decide on you
You should know that I'm yours
But I'd rather you not be mine
You deserve someone who's okay with you
Someone who's okay in time
I'd rather you never knew me at all
And that's a lie I'll treat myself to
As you try to soften the blow
I've already run myself through
Because the things that I've said
Are enough to make sunsets fade
You don't deserve to hear this
You don't deserve to hear my pain
And of course I'm hurting you
But you'll hurt less overall is my hope
I only hope you don't forgive me
And that you move on fast
If you could find my fears
A man I was afraid you'd want
Then take up your chances
And give him a shot
I'd rather you go down fighting
Than go down because of words
One day you'll be whole for sure
And I'll be alone as I've assured
You don't deserve to be near me
You don't deserve to be alone
I hope one day you find a room
That you and I are not inside at all
May 18, 2014
May 18, 2014 at 9:47 AM UTC
I don't know what's going on
But you're here and so am I
I know that you'll mention John
And it's going to bother me lots
But I just want my best friend
So I can keep you around now
I don't want to fall in love with you
Or not at the moment, at least
May 8, 2014
May 8, 2014 at 1:17 AM UTC