You know that feeling of mild annoyance
when your friend forces you into
watching a video you didn't want to watch
and then an ad plays before it
so you have to watch that too?
That's how I feel about being alive.
Like I don't want to **** myself or anything
I'm just a little annoyed by being here
and having to sit through dumb **** all the time
Aug 7, 2017
Aug 7, 2017 at 12:40 PM UTC
I popped a new candle out of its glass
flamingo decorated coffin and put it in a
larger once clear and full of wax but now
sooty vessel
I wanted to burn it but I bought it
for my mother the flamingo enthusiast
who has covered our house in flamingo
cookie jars and curtains and little flamingo
wine toppers so I bought the candle
for 7.99 to add to the collection
I knew she wouldn’t care about
the candle as much as the jar it lived in
so I rescued it briefly only to crush its hopes
by replacing it immediately in an ill fitting
***** home where another of its kind
had already died
The problem I face is that this candle
somehow escaped my murderous hands
by burning so incredibly uneven that the
wax consumed the wick rendering it
completely unburnable
I’m feeling a little disappointed but
I suppose congratulations are in order
May 6, 2017
May 6, 2017 at 9:46 AM UTC
I wish I didn't have to google you
I would text you but I don't have your phone number
I noticed you painted over the cats on your mailbox
I'll be honest I felt a little disappointed
How's your last year at Harvard going
Does it smell like money and books and black coffee
Do you still write the way you used to
How's your mom
Is your cat still alive
Did you ever lose that extra weight in
your cheeks
Do you remember why you left
You never told me
Do you remember me
May 4, 2017
May 4, 2017 at 1:09 PM UTC
I like people from the south who talk slow like
honey pouring out of a teddy bear and into a glass
of tea like your last year of high school slow
I like listening to things men say to women
outside of bars on Friday nights like yeah
I’m really into meditation I like hearing
two babies talk to each other learning
how to make sounds into words I like to
lay on the couch and hear people drive
by on their way home to their couches
I like hearing I love you fall out
of someone’s mouth when they didn’t
really mean it to I like hearing you say it
too I like to hear your voice change depending
on the time of day I like to hear the
way you say my name
Mar 5, 2017
Mar 5, 2017 at 4:44 PM UTC
Twenty one is the
last age to be excited
about turning
Once you're past thirty
birthdays are just
lying and not getting
presents
This next year is the last
time I'll have to pretend
to enjoy getting older
but it's one day less
than a month away
from my twenty first birthday
and I don't drink
Feb 6, 2017
Feb 6, 2017 at 9:19 PM UTC
Last night I told you that
maybe someday I'd like to
marry you if that was
ok with you
and then I said sorry
you told me not to apologize,
that the feeling was mutual
Since that moment my feet
have been at least an inch
off the ground,
maybe a foot
You described yourself as
Beaming
I could imagine light shining
from you, gleaming
glowing like through
the ceiling of a
greenhouse
Maybe one full of ferns
and black eyed susan's
for the colors
In your eyes
I think
Maybe
If it's ok with you
we could get married there
We could stand between the
rows of flowers and ferns
and the he light would
fall over us like a blanket
and everything would
smell fresh,
and new
and you would be
beaming
Feb 6, 2017
Feb 6, 2017 at 9:14 PM UTC
Sometimes at night
when the streets are quiet
I can hear the crosswalk
talk from the stoplight
by my house
*Wait
Wait
Wait*
And sometimes when
I can hear the crosswalk
counting down
I close my eyes and
I’m on the street corner and
headlights are speeding
past me and my head
is pounding along with
the bass lines
and my breathing
is getting labored
and it would be so easy
but the stoplight is
yelling wait
as if it knows what’s
to come
as if it understands any more
than the thirty seconds
between green and red
Feb 6, 2017
Feb 6, 2017 at 9:13 PM UTC
Today I went to the ophthalmologist and the eye nurse walked me down the hallway and looked ahead and said jesus you’re getting old. I laughed and said yeah twenty years, and thought about jumping out of the window. My mother wants me to see a therapist to find out why I’m so afraid of getting older. I think I’m just afraid of not having the excuse of being young.
Oct 2, 2016
Oct 2, 2016 at 8:14 PM UTC
We were driving home from the train station when we saw a truck pull off the road. I could see a dark stain on the asphalt and its body on display in the headlights. I said I really hope that’s not a dog. Aliyah said It could be a deer, so I told myself it was. I’m sorry that it’s easier to lie to myself, and I’m sorry to the probable dog by the train station, and I’m sorry that I care for dogs more than deer. But I’m thankful it was too dark to really see. It’s so much harder to pretend once you’ve seen the red on the concrete.
May 24, 2016
May 24, 2016 at 10:01 PM UTC
There is a mocking bird that lives outside my bedroom who does not understand time or common decency. He screams his alarm clock bird sounds at 2am or 8am or 11am or whenever he wants to, really. As long as I am trying to sleep. I feel bad for resenting him; it must be fun to live outside the constraints of time. But it is early and I am tired and I’m thinking of buying a BB gun.
May 24, 2016
May 24, 2016 at 9:23 PM UTC