mg-4 - Hello Poetry

It's been almost a year since you left me. I still find myself waiting for you to miss me- But how can I miss someone who hurt me so deeply? Pathetic. I have spent so many nights crying to my angels- Begging them to bring you back. Cursing them ever for bringing you to me in the first place. Screaming pain into the void. A pain that only comes from loss. I hate myself because I still love you- After everything that you put me through. But now- I’d rather go home alone then go home with you. Maybe I don't hate myself at all.

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May 24, 2023

May 24, 2023 at 2:31 AM UTC

Virgo

It's been almost a year since you left me. I still find myself waiting for you to miss me- But how can I miss someone who hurt me so deeply? Pathetic. I have spent so many nights crying to my angels- Begging them to bring you back. Cursing them ever for bringing you to me in the first place. Screaming pain into the void. A pain that only comes from loss. I hate myself because I still love you- After everything that you put me through. But now- I’d rather go home alone then go home with you. Maybe I don't hate myself at all.

14

When someone breaks your heart each day feels like months. Each minute drags on for some reason, I don’t understand why. I long for the evenings, when I can drink my world black. 3, 4, 5 drinks- how I can still see your face and hear your voice. Two cigarettes, that warm embrace. 6, 7, 8, drinks- how I can still remember catching you with her, with a smirk of victory on your face. I didn’t want this. I saw it end before it began.

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May 24, 2023

May 24, 2023 at 2:24 AM UTC

Betrayal

When someone breaks your heart each day feels like months. Each minute drags on for some reason, I don’t understand why. I long for the evenings, when I can drink my world black. 3, 4, 5 drinks- how I can still see your face and hear your voice. Two cigarettes, that warm embrace. 6, 7, 8, drinks- how I can still remember catching you with her, with a smirk of victory on your face. I didn’t want this. I saw it end before it began.

8

I was 24, living in New York City. Living the dream I thought I has always dreamed for myself. A swift darkness quickly consumed me. There was always a voice in my head- (One I didn’t recognize) -Saying “just do it, you’ll finally know peace ”. The voice would get louder and louder each day. and slowly, that cold, sinking feeling felt like a distant embrace. I would look at myself in the reflection of the 2 train window and not even recognize the hopeless face staring back at me. She was desperate for help. The warm wind of the passing trains soothed me- and reminded me it would be quick. Until one day, standing at the edge of the tracks and feeling the wind of the approaching train I stuck my head out too far. All I could hear was “you’ll finally know peace”. Little does my sister know- she saved me that day. A demanding text saying “I’m coming over after work” shot me back into reality. And I cried walking 40 blocks home. That was the moment I knew I needed help. And that was the moment that showed me I’m stronger than that voice in my head.

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Nov 24, 2022

Nov 24, 2022 at 5:31 AM UTC

2 train

I was 24, living in New York City. Living the dream I thought I has always dreamed for myself. A swift darkness quickly consumed me. There was always a voice in my head- (One I didn’t recognize) -Saying “just do it, you’ll finally know peace ”. The voice would get louder and louder each day. and slowly, that cold, sinking feeling felt like a distant embrace. I would look at myself in the reflection of the 2 train window and not even recognize the hopeless face staring back at me. She was desperate for help. The warm wind of the passing trains soothed me- and reminded me it would be quick. Until one day, standing at the edge of the tracks and feeling the wind of the approaching train I stuck my head out too far. All I could hear was “you’ll finally know peace”. Little does my sister know- she saved me that day. A demanding text saying “I’m coming over after work” shot me back into reality. And I cried walking 40 blocks home. That was the moment I knew I needed help. And that was the moment that showed me I’m stronger than that voice in my head.

20

I’ve learned how to be alone But now what? I’ve learned to wake up everyday to an empty bed But now what? I’ve learned how to hang shelves, Fix leaks. But now what? I even took up yoga, Meditation, Running. But now what? I still come home to an empty bed every night Where your side is still cold. But now what? A day hasn’t gone by where I haven’t seen your face in my minds eye. I have learned how to truly be alone. But now, can you say the same?

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Jul 10, 2022

Jul 10, 2022 at 3:25 AM UTC

Alone

I’ve learned how to be alone But now what? I’ve learned to wake up everyday to an empty bed But now what? I’ve learned how to hang shelves, Fix leaks. But now what? I even took up yoga, Meditation, Running. But now what? I still come home to an empty bed every night Where your side is still cold. But now what? A day hasn’t gone by where I haven’t seen your face in my minds eye. I have learned how to truly be alone. But now, can you say the same?

17

The greatest gift I've ever given myself- is learning my own worth. It has gifted me with the power of agency. Of choice. Choice of what I will or won't tolerate. The gift of knowledge- Knowing my limits. Respecting my own boundaries. To be able to pick and choose who is DESERVING of me. The greatest gift I've ever given myself- is knowing my own worth. I am precious. Invaluable.

0

Mar 13, 2022

Mar 13, 2022 at 3:48 PM UTC

self worth

The greatest gift I've ever given myself- is learning my own worth. It has gifted me with the power of agency. Of choice. Choice of what I will or won't tolerate. The gift of knowledge- Knowing my limits. Respecting my own boundaries. To be able to pick and choose who is DESERVING of me. The greatest gift I've ever given myself- is knowing my own worth. I am precious. Invaluable.

12

My mother told me- That she's grateful she didn't raise me. Because if she did- She would have raised me to be like the women in our family- Like her. As much as I mourn not having a mother (when I needed her most) I'm grateful too. The cycle of abuse ends here. It ends with me.

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Jan 16, 2022

Jan 16, 2022 at 11:25 PM UTC

Mother

My mother told me- That she's grateful she didn't raise me. Because if she did- She would have raised me to be like the women in our family- Like her. As much as I mourn not having a mother (when I needed her most) I'm grateful too. The cycle of abuse ends here. It ends with me.

10

To the little girl who grew up too fast: Who had her childhood taken away from her too young. Who never knew what innocence was. Who desperately searched for love in all the wrong places. Who was afraid to show her heart, but desperately wanted it to be seen. Who craved validation from men, most who didn’t care to know her name. Who drank until the world went black. Who hurt people, because she was hurting her self. So full of angst. I can still see her now- clearly. She lives inside me. I can find her standing at her favorite beach. Listening to the angry waves crash. It’s night and she’s always crying, but silently. Salt water sprays her face as salty tears run down it. Staring at the ocean, gazing at the moon. Desperate for a glimpse of hope. Here she’s able to feel all the things she has kept inside— Safely. To the little girl who grew up too fast: Who knew pain so young. Who only wanted the love of her mother, But looked for it in all the wrong places. Who made choices to hurt herself, because she saw no value in herself. Just know, I love you. Even when you’re difficult to love. I wouldn’t be me without you.

0

Sep 28, 2021

Sep 28, 2021 at 3:32 AM UTC

Shadow work

To the little girl who grew up too fast: Who had her childhood taken away from her too young. Who never knew what innocence was. Who desperately searched for love in all the wrong places. Who was afraid to show her heart, but desperately wanted it to be seen. Who craved validation from men, most who didn’t care to know her name. Who drank until the world went black. Who hurt people, because she was hurting her self. So full of angst. I can still see her now- clearly. She lives inside me. I can find her standing at her favorite beach. Listening to the angry waves crash. It’s night and she’s always crying, but silently. Salt water sprays her face as salty tears run down it. Staring at the ocean, gazing at the moon. Desperate for a glimpse of hope. Here she’s able to feel all the things she has kept inside— Safely. To the little girl who grew up too fast: Who knew pain so young. Who only wanted the love of her mother, But looked for it in all the wrong places. Who made choices to hurt herself, because she saw no value in herself. Just know, I love you. Even when you’re difficult to love. I wouldn’t be me without you.

27

I am hurt by you. I am hurt that I cared more about getting to know what lies beneath your skin. (Than You did) I am hurt that you made me feel things I haven’t felt since Him. (Feelings I didn’t know I was capable of again) I am hurt that you touched the places that others have been too scared to touch. (The places that I am too scared to open up) I am hurt that you lead me to believe that you care more about what my body can give to yours. (Like all the rest do) I am hurt that I believed your broken promises. (Excuses, excuses) I am hurt that I wanted to trust You, and only You with the most valuable thing I could offer. (The thing that has been shattered time and time again) I am hurt because I thought I finally found someone who valued me enough. (Your actions say the opposite) But I am grateful for you. Because you showed me exactly what I will no longer tolerate. That I am capable of connection, vulnerability, and true intimacy. Things that I thought had died within me years ago. Things now, that only someone worthy will receive one day.

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Sep 28, 2021

Sep 28, 2021 at 3:27 AM UTC

Potential

I am hurt by you. I am hurt that I cared more about getting to know what lies beneath your skin. (Than You did) I am hurt that you made me feel things I haven’t felt since Him. (Feelings I didn’t know I was capable of again) I am hurt that you touched the places that others have been too scared to touch. (The places that I am too scared to open up) I am hurt that you lead me to believe that you care more about what my body can give to yours. (Like all the rest do) I am hurt that I believed your broken promises. (Excuses, excuses) I am hurt that I wanted to trust You, and only You with the most valuable thing I could offer. (The thing that has been shattered time and time again) I am hurt because I thought I finally found someone who valued me enough. (Your actions say the opposite) But I am grateful for you. Because you showed me exactly what I will no longer tolerate. That I am capable of connection, vulnerability, and true intimacy. Things that I thought had died within me years ago. Things now, that only someone worthy will receive one day.

20

Just like the moon controls the tide, You captured my eye. Pale green eyes lighting up my night sky. It was as if two separated souls recognized each other from other lives. The soft relief of finally finding each other again. A feeling only the astral plane could understand. Now, I think of you in everything I do. I even see your face in the moon. But like the moon, you’ve grown distant. You can’t communicate. You just sit there, watching and observing. All while feeling so much. While leaving me with silence. I wish you would let me close to you again. I don’t want to hurt you. But I wish you gave me the chance to tell you.

0

Aug 22, 2021

Aug 22, 2021 at 1:35 AM UTC

Pisces moon

Just like the moon controls the tide, You captured my eye. Pale green eyes lighting up my night sky. It was as if two separated souls recognized each other from other lives. The soft relief of finally finding each other again. A feeling only the astral plane could understand. Now, I think of you in everything I do. I even see your face in the moon. But like the moon, you’ve grown distant. You can’t communicate. You just sit there, watching and observing. All while feeling so much. While leaving me with silence. I wish you would let me close to you again. I don’t want to hurt you. But I wish you gave me the chance to tell you.

16

I am humiliated that I have ever let worthless men, determine my self worth. I am like the ocean. Soft, breaking, blue. But vengeful, strong, and powerful.

0

Mar 23, 2021

Mar 23, 2021 at 11:20 PM UTC

Ocean

I am humiliated that I have ever let worthless men, determine my self worth. I am like the ocean. Soft, breaking, blue. But vengeful, strong, and powerful.

6