The elderly say I am too young to feel this way:
Time is leaving me behind.
My sprint has crawled to a stand still;
I'd have to admit I'm not fine.
That grandiose life fabled?
I lived it, I felt it, I'd seen it—
Had it left me sooner...
It had though, I still need it.
It fell out of my grasp, because, I was tired—
Some would equate that to laziness.
And they could be right...
Time doesn't have needs, sadly, I do.
I couldn't keep up with the constant, concentrated calculations.
The endless, exhausting recurring exploits required of myself to maintain it.
Time didn't accommodate for my respite—
It couldn't have, despite the naive beliefs of my younger self.
Time felt so much more forgiving when everything was new.
It amazed me too, days felt like they lasted forever.
It was very clever, yet cruel of my mind to trick me into believing such a fantasy.
Where I could rest easy, knowing I had time left to use.
"No need to fear, you can accomplish your goals,
You can relax just a bit longer,
There is no need to wonder,
Simply don't ponder on how much is left."
This false dialogue inside me led to stagnation.
It was devastating to my progression.
My motivation had gone into a recession—
Only it didn't come back up, linearly.
High to low, low to lower, lower to highest.
Even when it decided the time was nigh,
Rearing it's head wouldn't last very long.
It was gone soon as it had arrived.
This wasn't ideal, I was last place in a race of two—
Separated by 50 metres and still losing speed.
Time was leaving me behind.
The gap between us was getting larger.
I didn't know how to fix my affliction...
An inability to do anything meaningful continually,
That had killed an semblance of a goal I might of had prior—
It had ceased my goal making entirely as of present.
"Tell me now!"
I could scream into the sky.
There would never be a response.
At least not that I suspected or wanted.
It wasn't verbal, no godlike entity descended to talk—
Not like there was much to talk about worth it to traverse that hurdle.
I finally understood, I suppose.
There were no blessings for those who stood still.
If time has left you,
Are you still alive,
Do you strive to accomplish anything?
Unless you take a dive into the darkness,
Are you worthy of being handed a ray of light?
I took a plunge...
Of which wasn't fungible,
At least outright
Slowly Time began to slow its pace,
Steadily the distance began to close.
Submerged in a the darkness,
enveloped in freezing milky liquid
Gasping for air, yet unable to breathe
Grasping for a chance at victory,
Sight was fading from my eyes,
Indescribable, untreatable;
Agonizingly omnipresent, inexplicably made pain,
The kind that intermingled with one's soul
To devour it completely—only to chew slowly and spit it back out:
Holding you back, squeezing tightly to extinguish your aspirations,
Shortening your life, because you know you don't deserve it.
I now understand that this is living,
A constant subversion of your expectations,
Fighting for a distance goal which will be forever elusive.
Praying for a finale to a movement with an unknown number of measures once you arrive at the melody.
The ray I'd had hoped for shone down on me—
Time was beside me once again—
It wasn't going to be easy,
but I will keep moving,
Never will it be too far out of reach.
May a ray of light shine down on you.
Dec 15, 2024
Dec 15, 2024 at 8:18 PM UTC
Great ones—trying to raise others higher,
Lovingly, by kindling the goodness of their pyre;
Inundating the evils that in perpétuité be;
Machining flares to seek those out lost at sea—
Manifeste lights in the darkness towards sécurité.
Excising the shadows of suffering that lie in wait,
Reminding alle to give … more than we take,
Introspectif upon the wickedness of yesterday,
Nudging others, too—paisiblement, far, and gently away—
Goodness is charged to … nourish and firmly, enfin stay!
Dec 15, 2024
Dec 15, 2024 at 8:11 PM UTC
I'm Hot.
Why am I here, thoughts elude me.
Sound engulfs me,
Sight is a blur.
Tears stream down my cheeks
It's too much.
I leave,
back-turned.
I'm Cold.
Emptiness fills me.
Desire fights reason.
To little
I go again,
Around me, things focus_
My senses roar to life
I join,
my mind floods.
it's unfamiliar.
I'm Warm.
Dec 15, 2024
Dec 15, 2024 at 8:03 PM UTC
A four letter word meant just for you:
I wonder if it has gotten a hold of you too?
My throat's a bit scratchy, and I'm a bit scared
(But when I was with you, I knew that you cared).
(Starting something new is quite the task.)
Will my parents approve; am I acting too brash?
Are you gonna say yes, or will say no?
I'm going crazy, and I really wanna know.
Walking up to you at the dance,
Could be fine if I never take the chance,
But those eyes tell me I'm not too late,
Guess you just can't just outrun your fate...
So the question left my mouth,
(And I'd thought it'd gone south,)
But you hesitantly replied,
"Yes...", so I opened up my stride:
I ran away from the dance
(To get myself out of the trance).
'Cause my parents already disapprove,
But hey! 'least I finally made a move.
Dec 15, 2024
Dec 15, 2024 at 8:02 PM UTC
I won't see you again
I'll tell you about our refrain
Long ago when I loved you once
For us both, it was too much
I won't see you again
And yet quickly bid onto the train
Before you go on ahead
Let me tell you what must be said
I wish you luck on the journey
Though life is an endless tourney
When you are carried away
On daybreaks end of awry tracks leading astray
Let your heart guide you toward the apex of the sun's way
But I won't see you again
So I'll shortly recap and regain
Good luck—
You are bound to go far
Dec 15, 2024
Dec 15, 2024 at 7:34 PM UTC
The evening of convergence onto a table
Remains yet to be seen by attendees fabled
Swift and briefly a blur
Shan't incur four alike in nature
As the curtain raises
And performers take their places
Look alive! Do not avert your eyes.
Welcome back to the inferno undying!
Trying the audience's patience
With unwieldy complacency,
Set the scence of four chairs,
And witness a tarnished state of affairs.
Avoid eye contact with Granduncle.
Lest he recalls any and all of your disdain
Sickening anyone with his vibratiuncle.
Much less Father and his bane
Of the OTHER side...
With whom we no longer abide.
Notice the empty seats across the way.
Overtime they left in slow decay,
Now replaced with a convenient fellow
Who claims love yet is merely a bedfellow
To Father that disregards the dysfunctionality abound
Lurking around each of our grounds with sanctity desecrated.
Start a conversation short in length
And wonder for not too long about her death.
Wherever did she go as dead as she likely is?
Speak on her vaguely using only euphemise...
Or rage will engulf the home
That can never again be polychrome,
Monochrome in spirit and composition;
Not I who'd have enough diction
To explain what happened here would only bring pain
All those involved were traumatised and distrained with nothing to gain.
Mark me now, it shall not come to pass.
Dec 15, 2024
Dec 15, 2024 at 7:34 PM UTC
To reach the top of the mountain
To hear your great deeds named
Whose efforts were in vain
Whose fortune unobtained
At the end of the day
When you are all they say
What of the others display
And of their lacking portray
To **** another's dreams
Is to make something it seems
In life there are surely those teamed
But only winners can be deemed
Take take and take one more
To walk through this gilded door
One must forsake all candour
To press on and gain splendour
To **** all others for oneself
Forsake every aspect of yourself
Declare I am the sun myself
To know greatness itself
Dec 15, 2024
Dec 15, 2024 at 7:33 PM UTC
At last my time is finally past
Over four long years elapsed
Yet inside I feel simply aghast
Hopes dashed and will collapsed
Everything that I thought I could
How foolish a thought it was
Perhaps those words were never would
My mind fades without its cause
Always a dreamer with greatness nearby
Though fruition remains ever elusive
To close each day swallowing a sigh
Fighting worries that are ever intrusive
Yet truly it was always I
The demon under my own bed
Thinking I was on cloud nine
Only to be awoken screaming instead
So what I mean to tell you today
Before the journey that lies ahead
Chase those dreams away
Before you find all your happiness is bled
Dec 15, 2024
Dec 15, 2024 at 7:08 PM UTC
Alone on a hike,
or with my mountain bike,
allows me to unwind.
Among the trees,
preferably without the bees,
lets me take my time…
To relax, that is, after a long hard day.
It lets all my troubles melt away,
into the silence of nature that surrounds me.
Simply, I can enjoy the breeze
as it cuts through the trees
and crashes against my face.
Smell the wooden construct's aroma
violently inviting itself into my nostrils.
Leaves crunching against my feet,
I might ever-so-often wonder...
What do I want to eat?
But nonetheless,
I don't let my thoughts distract me
from all the beauty that surrounds me.
Trying my very best to see…
it all, before the day is done.
When out in nature it is quite the venture,
especially when it is only you and yourself.
And so when you are all by yourself,
out and about,
frolicking around,
enjoying the peacefulness of the outdoors...
Just maybe you'll forget the troubles of your day.
Jun 18, 2022
Jun 18, 2022 at 1:24 PM UTC
The distant moon is beautiful tonight—
As I lie in bed with fright,
Of all the things I must do tomorrow,
Wishing I could be left to my sorrows.
Looking upward toward the night,
In the reflection of the starlight,
The moon makes my heart race.
My insides twist and ache.
Is something about it sad?
Is its likeness making me mad?
Are the cloud strangling it midair?
And why am I to care?
About that lustrous sphere's glow,
My heart begins to slow;
Longingly glancing at the moon,
Wishing for rest very soon .
Jun 18, 2022
Jun 18, 2022 at 1:13 PM UTC